I haven’t had a real date in two years. And by real date I mean, an interested guy asks me to go to a specific location, perhaps a meal or activity of some sort, so we can talk and enjoy one another’s company with the intention of getting to know one another on a more personal level. (Some of you are literally asking yourself- does that even happen anymore?) Now, I have had a my fair share of meet-that-day and end up hanging out later but mostly because we’re in the same vicinity or with mutual friends. I’m not knocking that experience but even those have been few and far between.

Whenever I tell someone about my two year dating hiatus, they automatically assume that its by choice. I guess, to some extent, it is. I am not a random dater. I don’t believe in dating just to have something to do. I’m a busy woman and I almost always have something to do. However, when it comes to spending one-on-one time with someone, I reserve that for a person I have a genuine interest in getting to know and not just out of boredom.

This wasn’t always the case, especially around Valentine’s Day. I used to have a fallback or back-up dude that I could hang with or rely on in times of boredom/loneliness or an unexpected dating dry spell (sidenote: loneliness/boredom often get confused. You may not be lonely. Instead, you may just need to do something with your idle time so you’re not bored). I would either receive the “hey stranger” text, which is always a clear indicator that its cuffing season or that he was having as much inconsistency in the dating world as I was, or I would get the random phone call because he had a dream about me or I just conveniently crossed his mind two weeks before Valentine’s Day. I’ve never been one to turn down a delicious meal, especially when I can get cute and wear that new dress or pair of shoes that I bought just for these type of occasions, so I was always down for the cause.

After while, I found myself feeling empty. It was all so fleeting. I even felt convicted about using these men for my intermittent entertainment. I prayed that anybody who is not meant to be my future husband or anyone that could possibly deter me from God’s will would be removed from my life or prevented from entering. Be careful what you pray for! From that moment on, it seemed like every man who I even thought was cute would disappear from the face of the earth before I even knew his name. If a guy did show interest, I would pray about it that night and lo’ and behold, I would never see him again. They left the church, got new jobs, moved to another city or changed their commute . . . at least that the way it appeared to me. I was discouraged. My desire to connect with someone real seemed farther and farther away. I had given my love story over to God years ago and here I was trying to write it myself because it didn’t seem like He was putting words on the relationship page of my story fast enough. I found myself wanting to go on these so-called dates to get through the commercialized lover’s holiday that somehow managed to make you think that just because you don’t have a date for this particular night, you’re not loved.

Don’t believe the hype.

Over the past two years, I have been intentional when spending time with people. God has infused my life with rich friendships, strengthened familial bonds and instilled me with new dreams and inspirations. I am never alone unless I choose to be. I purposely schedule alone time to do a little bit of nothing. I might do my nails, go to the spa, go enjoy a nice dinner or bake a sweet treat for my co-workers. I always have someone to call if I need an encouraging word or good laugh. I have real, loving friends near and far who I can travel with, have deep conversations or just say something inappropriate or borderline ignorant and not get the side eye in response (well, they might give me the side eye but not in a judgmental way).

I finally understand what Paul spoke about in Philippians 4:11-13. I know how to truly be content in whatever stage God has me in. I know that my joy does not lie within the celebration of a holiday but instead in God’s mighty power. He has given me true joy that stems from the depth of my soul and I see it all around me. I am not consumed with the here and now but know that He is intentional and has an amazing plan for every year of my life.

If you’re are feeling some type of way (do people say that anymore?) about your relationship status or where God has you at this stage in your life. Be encouraged. He who promised is faithful.