I was recently catching up with a friend about our new year mindsets and began to discuss the woes of dating as a grown woman. I went on about the perceived lack of available men who can actually bring something to the table. I told stories about how age may make a difference in how interested men approach you but when it comes to how they treat you, age is nothing but a number. We also discussed the dichotomy of the male and female role in relationships and how that plays out in the world of dating during the age of social media.

“Why can’t they . . .?” was the beginning of a lot of my phrases and “I’m just so frustrated . . .” was the end of the rest. As we talked, I became even more annoyed and discouraged. I was on the verge of a Charlotte from Sex in the City moment where she yells “Where is he?!” (my true SITC fans will remember that scene).

Even though my phone conversation was over, all that complaining and grumbling turned into frustration toward God. I had lost focus and allowed the negativity to dictate my emotions. My “where is He?!” moment was also directed at Him. I tearfully cried out:

“Why do I have to wait so long? Here I am in my late 30’s and still waiting. 

Is he not ready? 

Am I the issue? 

I just don’t understand why this is taking so long! What else am I supposed to learn?

Another year has started and all I have is a knowledge about what I don’t want, what I won’t compromise on and confused feelings about previous suitors. 

I feel like this year is my year but I don’t want to get my hopes up and be disappointed. Lord, I’m holding on to everything You have said but in the flesh, this is getting harder and harder. 

Can you send me a sign or some encouragement?” 

I didn’t hear an immediate response but the next day, I was reading John chapter 6 about how Jesus fed the 5,000 people with only five loaves of bread and two small fish. The people were hungry physically and spiritually. They couldn’t get enough of this miracle worker named Jesus.

After I read this story, I thought to myself, Okay, lesson learned. This is my encouragement. I get it. I’m like the hungry people who needed You. You’re more than enough and I shouldn’t be more interested in your provision than a relationship with you. You’re able to do anything. Thanks God. I’ll work on having a better attitude. 

However, truth be told- I still had an attitude. I did what I knew to do which was to pray and read my word but that didn’t offer immediate relief. I wanted Jesus to do something that I could see.

That is when God, in His sweet sovereignty, whispered a sweet reminder in my heart about the story of Lazarus.

John chapter 11 tells us about how when a message was sent to Jesus about Lazarus, the one whom He loved, being sick, he responded how the sickness would not end in death. He then stayed where He was for two more days instead of traveling to be with Lazarus.

The “two more days” part always baffled me. Jesus heard what they said and He cared because Lazarus was someone He loved. Yet, instead of rushing to be by Lazarus’ side, He stayed where he was for two more days. This didn’t sound very loving.

When He did arrive on the scene, Lazarus was already dead. As he approached, Martha walked right up to Him and said, “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died.”

I always loved Martha’s response because it was real, raw and direct. If this scenario was in modern day times, I can picture Martha waiting at a crossroads for Jesus before He even got to the house. Perhaps, she has a hand on her hip, a tear-stained face and a finger wagging to go with a neck roll. Before Jesus rounds the corner, she’s asking where He has been and what took so long for Him to come see the one whom He loved. The one who is now dead because of His tardiness. I’m sure her words are piercing and probably a bit inappropriate considering the One she is addressing. In her mind, she has been thinking about how mad she is that she’s had to wait and her brother died in the meantime.

Those two days of waiting must have felt like forever for her. How do you wait patiently when you’ve done all you know to do? She sent word and expected an answer. Martha was crushed because she felt that Jesus had abandoned her and her family when they needed Him most. Her immediate reaction was based on her emotions.

Can you relate? I can.

Our emotions can have us speaking out of turn and viewing the situation from our human, carnal point of view. Not to say that our emotions aren’t real, they’re just fickle. They cloud our view and don’t allow us to see what’s really going on. We can never measure up to God’s infinite wisdom and love. We see waiting as punishment but He sees the full picture behind our wait.

Jesus was taking His time getting to Lazarus because the death was going to be used to show God’s glory. Martha had no idea about the miracle that He was about to reveal. Jesus had to wait until Lazarus was dead and stinking so everyone would see the power of God.

That’s how I feel about my love life- it’s dead and stinking. I’m sure many of you have asked the same questions in regards to your career, starting a family, buying a house, healing in your body, waiting for that spouse to act right, etc. We have all had the “Why God why?” or “When God when?” questions swirling in our heads at some point in our lives. My crying out in frustration was my Martha-moment. Just like Martha, I know of God’s strength and power, and I know He loves me more than anything. That’s why I expect Him to step in right when I think I need Him. When He didn’t, I came with questions and emotions, not realizing that He is working on a miracle just right for me.

When you’re desiring something, the enemy will use your emotions against you to make you believe that what you’re waiting for is never going to happen or make you question the character of God. God is not sitting on some throne watching you cry, go through hardships then ignoring you. He wants to build a relationship with you so you learn who He is. His desire is that you to talk with Him about EVERYTHING. That includes the complaints, questions and frustrations you face. Even if you have to cry out in emotion. Let it out!

You just can’t stay in your emotional state. After Martha cried out to Jesus, she continued to have a conversation with Him (John 11:22-28). That’s what you and I have to do too. We can’t just cry out to God, close the door and leave the conversation. I was once told that praying is a dialogue, not a monologue. We have to continue to talk with Him and let Him talk to us. Read His word and be purposeful in pursuing a relationship with Him. He will then reveal Himself to us just as He did to Martha.

She listened to what he said and confessed the truth about who He is. It was only after speaking the truth that lived in her heart, she went away with peace about the situation. Jesus then raised Lazarus from the dead.

I believe the same can happen for us. If we listen to God and recognize who He is and what He is doing in our lives, we’ll have a revelation of peace that will encourage us and eventually speak life into our dead situation. We may not the all the details now and we may have frustrating moments, but when the manifestation takes place, it will be obvious that is was the work of God.

Be encouraged in knowing that He is always there, listening and waiting to talk to you. He may not reveal the why behind His actions but He doesn’t have to. Let’s trust Him and continue to have relationship with Him because He hears, He cares and He’s concerned. Hold tight and watch Him work.