Author: Carrie Lea

Faith and Healing

Carrie Lea 2 Comments

On her way back from the well, she saw a group of women sitting off the side of the road. There was an elderly woman sitting on a rock in the middle of them, sharing stories about a man named Jesus who had healed the sick and given sight to the blind. The other women were gathered around her feet and listening closely to what she had to say. A bit surprised to see them resting on the side of the road, she ducked off the normal path, trying to remain hidden amongst the trees and overgrown bush. Normally, she never encountered others during her daily trek to the well. After being labeled unclean due to her ongoing issue of blood, she tried to avoid the awkwardness and shame she felt around other women, so she ventured to the well a bit later in the day.

The elderly woman had a long braid of grey hair that reached almost to the bottom of her back. Her complexion resembled the same color as coffee beans and her face had multiple lines to show she had lived long and carried great wisdom. She sat up straight with strong shoulders that had not slumped after years of daily visits to the well. Her voice carried far beyond their group and she captivated everyone’s attention. Her stories spoke of how Jesus had rebuked the demons from Mary Magdalene and healed a centurion’s servant. She moved her hands with animation as if talking to children and accentuating certain parts of the story for emphasis. The listeners were glued to her every word, forgetting about the chores that awaited them back home.

When hearing the part about the servant being healed, she badly wanted to cross the invisible lines that kept her hidden from plain view, to join the others, ask questions and know all the details about this miraculous Jesus. But she knew that she couldn’t get that close without the women covering their faces and running away, as if what she had was contagious. Instead, she lingered behind a tree and listened to every word the elderly woman shared about this Jesus. 

He was a carpenter but was known for his teaching. He often spoke in parables that confused some and astounded others. Many believed he was the Son of God while others thought him to be full of blasphemy. She remembered hearing of John the Baptist and how he was preparing the way for the One to come. According to the woman’s stories, Jesus was this One he mentioned. 

She felt her pulse quicken and her excitement grow as the woman continued to speak of evidence that this man truly was the Son of God. Would she allow herself to believe that perhaps she could be healed? For the last twelve years, she had tried every remedy and took every advice that had been given but nothing had worked. Could this Jesus be the Messiah? Was He here to save them all, including her? With all of her life’s wages gone, she could not afford to do much else but believe. So she did. She believed every word she heard coming from the woman.

Lifting her face to the sky, she let her cloak fall back off of her head and the sunshine spread warmly across her forehead. She spread her arms out to her sides and turned in a circle. Hope was in the clouds and she felt her heart stir with faith. 

She hurried home and tried getting some rest before she traveled to the coast to greet Jesus. But when she laid down to sleep, her eyes would not close because she was nervous and anxious about what could happen. Instead of sleeping, she paced back and forth throughout most of the night. Her thoughts were jumbled as she tried to figure out the logistics of seeing Him and having the chance to be healed. Based on what the woman said, he traveled with other men and a few women who served his ministry. Should she try to talk to the women first so they could let her talk to him? They wouldn’t know she was unclean. She just needed to ask him for healing. Or should she be bold and just ask him for help?

“If He’s healed the others, I know He can heal me,” she whispered to herself. She dropped to her knees offering praise to God. She wanted to be prepared but at the same time, she had no idea what to expect. She began packing her travel bag to pass the time. She threw in extra cleansing cloths but she knew in her heart that she would not need them much longer.

“The Son of God has endless power. I only need to touch the hem of his garment.” She felt her heart open wide with love and faith for Jesus.

To keep from losing her courage, she started out early for the journey. It wasn’t hard to find where He was because there were crowds already gathering. She wasn’t the only one who needed to see or hear from Jesus.

The closer she got, the larger the crowds grew. She kept her head down and covered as she weaved in and out of all the people. She feared that someone would recognize her or know that she wasn’t allowed amongst everyone else, so she never stayed in one spot too long. She kept moving forward until she could glimpse His head. The men He  journeyed with kept a protective circle around Him.

She felt sweat drip down her back as she joined the throng of followers. Her breathing sped up and she could feel her heart beating in her ears. She tried her best not to trip over some of the young children holding the hands of their mothers while also not bumping into some of the elderly who were also trying to catch of glimpse of the Messiah.

The crowd suddenly came to a halt because Jesus had been stopped by a man named Jairus, a ruler in one of the synagogues.

This is my chance! She pushed forward, apologizing as she went and stooped down to crawl the last few steps to Jesus. It was as if there was a magnetic pull that she couldn’t resist that drew her closer and closer. She stretched her hand out as far as it would go and her fingertips brushed the hem of his garment. Immediately, she felt a change in her body. The ache she had grown to live with in the pit of her stomach immediately stopped and she felt a spark vibrate all throughout her body, spreading from the inside out.

“Who touched me?” she heard Jesus ask. She froze in place. How did He know she had touched Him? She tried not to panic. She needed to assemble her thoughts. She had to do it. She had no choice. She needed healing and knew He was the only way to receive it. It was worth it. Would someone turn her in?

The one called Peter said, “Master, the multitudes throng and press You, and You say, ‘Who touched Me?’”

But Jesus responded, “Somebody touched Me, for I perceived power going out from Me.”

Surprising herself, she burst threw the crowd and threw herself down in front of Jesus and his followers. She trembled, daring not look up in fear that she would see the stares or hear the whispers of others. Or worse, He would be upset with her for touching Him without His permission. 

Before anyone could grab her, she began talking rapidly and sharing her story. The words poured out of her as she explained the years she had spent secluded and alone because her body would not stop producing blood. She explained the pain she had been living with and how she no longer had money to see any other advisors to fix the issue. The tears ran down her cheeks as she professed how she wanted to move on with her life and be considered clean with friends, family and neighbors. She shared how she was tired of being frowned upon and treated like a leper because of something that was beyond her control. She felt relief as she spoke about how she would now be able to rejoin society and be apart of the community. She apologized to Jesus for her boldness but also explained how the bleeding had immediately stopped and she was healed as soon as she touched him. 

The crowd had grown quiet and she could feel her pulse in her throat as she knelt at his feet. When she looked up, a circular glow of light surrounded Him because of the bright sun behind Him. She had to concentrate so she could see his face. His skin was a deep olive and the sun peeked through the tight curls that surrounded his head. His eyes held compassion and love, making her forget the crowd that surrounded them.

He looked her in her eyes and said, “Daughter, be of good cheer; your faith has made you well. Go in peace.” Him and his followers immediately began moving forward. 

As the crowd walked around her, she stayed on her knees and cried out praises of thanks while tears of joy ran down her face. Different ones patted her back or rubbed her affectionately on her head as they passed. When she stood to move out of the way, a smile spread widely across her face. She wanted to dance or jump up and down in joy. She turned back to see Him again for she knew she her eyes had beheld glory. He was already being whisked away in a different direction so she returned to her knees and continued to cry out praise and thankfulness.

She thanked God for the faith that was given to her as well as for the compassion she received. She realized the risk of what she had done and how it was He whom she needed all this time.

Author Commentary:

This story was based on Luke 8:43-44. Why write about the woman with the issue of blood? Her story of healing and how Jesus dealt with her fascinates me. She had a bold, determined faith and demonstrated courage after she had received healing. She could have ran away and never admitted to touching Jesus’ garment and went home to live in her new health. She could have been worried about what others would say about her issue or worried about judgement around what she needed healing from or how she went about getting healed. Instead of running away or fearing His response, she shared her heart with Jesus in the presence of others. While there were so many others clamoring for His attention, He responded individually to her with compassion and even spoke a blessing of peace over her. 

I believe that others were blessed by her demonstration that day. If only we could all be bold enough to share our story, our fears or our desires in front of others because of vulnerability to the One. If we could lay aside the assumptions or judgements and open our hearts the way Jesus did, perhaps we could witness more breakthrough, healing and peace.

Whatever it is you need, I encourage you to run boldly to the One who has all the answers. Be it physical, emotional or spiritual, He is capable of providing ALL you may need or want. He also provides resources through friends, pastors, counselors and advisors that can help you get what you need. You are not alone in your journey, no matter what lies the enemy tries to tell you. Go forward in the faith and courage to share your story and be blessed.

No Eggs? No Problem.

Carrie Lea

“Have you considered freezing your eggs?” I heard the stool roll across the floor then saw her head tilt to the right so she could talk with me face to face.

Wait a minute. Shouldn’t this be a formal conversation? I mean, my feet are still propped up in stirrups and my privates are out in the open. I’m not necessarily a modest person but can I at least cover myself before we talk about freezing potential children? I swear the wind is blowing and I feel a chill in places I shouldn’t.

“Did you see anything of concern?”

“No concern. I just want you to think about this option if you want to have kids.” I heard the final snap of her latex gloves as she pulled them off. She pressed down on the lever at the bottom of the waist container to pop the top and drop them in.

The crinkle of the paper I was laying on was all you heard as I tried to scoot myself into an upright position with some dignity.

“This is something women your age need to think about.” She began writing something in my chart.

Women my age. Women my age? Since when did being in your late thirties become a “women of your age” qualifier? I feel like I’m still in my prime. Wasn’t I just in college? I have been running and going to the gym on the regular which has made my waist smaller and has me feeling good from the inside out. I eat a mostly vegetarian diet and I consider myself healthy-ish . . . but apparently this is not the case for my eggs. Is this what adulting as a woman is like? Having awkward conversations about your egg volume?

“Well, one thing has to happen before I have kids,” I said standing to signify that I needed her to leave the exam room so I could put my clothes back on.

“You’re not a virgin.” She said without looking at me she wrote notes in my file. Notes that no doubt said my eggs are old and she had to clear out the cobwebs to do an exam.

“I wasn’t referring to that.” Thank you very much. “I’m not having kids without a husband.”

She stopped writing and turned toward me and gave a tight smile. If I didn’t know any better, I could have sworn I saw her roll her eyes as she looked away.

“Well, let me know if you want to pursue this further.” She mind as well have said, “well good luck with that whole husband thing.” She handed me the reminder appointment card that I had to fill out about my upcoming appointment before she turned and walked out of the room.

This was not how I saw this appointment ending. I was feeling proud of my celibacy journey and happy that I can now visit the OB and not have any concerns about what may show up on the tests due to my extracurricular activities. Visiting my OB was strictly for precautionary purposes to ensure I stayed in good health. I was not prepared to have to think about my egg production.

I tried not to let the conversation bother me but there was a reality to her question. I am in my late thirties and if I do want to have children, I need to think about what that may involve at this stage of life. I would prefer to spend some one-on-one time with my future husband before we consider bringing a life into this world but unfortunately, time is of the essence. I’m not sure if I want to have kids but would like to have the option.

I remember sitting in my car after the appointment and feeling a bit discouraged. Living in the Bay Area, it’s a common thing for people to get married a little later in life. It’s also a common thing to hear about women struggling to get pregnant. I know of many success stories but I also know of some that are still waiting. A nagging voice tried to capitalize on my fears and began whispering lies to me.

You’ll never have kids now.

You’re waiting for God to send you a companion and now your eggs are going to waste.

What is all of this for?

Is this really worth it?

The enemy was trying to have a field day in my mind. After one conversation from someone who doesn’t know me or my experience, I thought of every “what if?” and “what about?” that entered my mind.

Before my thoughts could indulge all the lies I heard, I turned to the Comforter who brought the story of Hannah to my attention. Hannah was a woman who was loved by her husband but could not have his kids. 1 Samuel 1:5-6 says, “But to Hannah he would give a double portion, for he loved Hannah, although the Lord had closed her womb. And her rival provoked her severely, to make her miserable, because the Lord had closed her womb.”

I read this and thought about how many lies must have been floating in her head. She was dearly loved but yet, she could not produce anything to show this love. This was especially difficult because it was during a time when much of a woman’s worth was tied to her ability to reproduce (apparently, not much has changed). Yet the Lord had closed her womb. Verse 10 states that Hannah was in “bitterness of soul, and prayed to the Lord and wept in anguish.”

I continued reading and learned about how Hannah prayed to God and made a vow to dedicate her child to the Lord if He would grant her the gift of birth.

We’ve all prayed prayers and given empty promises to God in times of trouble, “If you do this, then I will . . .” I believe Hannah’s vow was different because it was meant to fulfill a bigger purpose.

After Hannah prayed, she was blessed by a priest and the Lord remembered her. She soon gave birth to a son, named Samuel. True to her word, she gave Samuel to the work of the Lord and he grew to be a priest who was used in God’s plan to prophesy His truths and anoint the chosen king of Israel, King David. The same king in whose lineage, Jesus Christ was born. Because she honored her word and gave her only son back to the Lord, God blessed her with five more children. She received double for her trouble.

Some of you are struggling with getting or staying pregnant. You’re probably feeling a lot like Hannah and have repeatedly cried out in despair and bitterness. You don’t want to go to another baby shower and fake happiness when you are crumbling inside. You stay away from social media because you don’t want to see another pregnant woman in your feed complaining about how big she’s getting. Or perhaps, you have a close friend who is celebrating the exact thing you are struggling with. You may really be happy for her but at the same time, you want to ask God why your time hasn’t come.

Some of you may be in situations similar to mine. You may not necessarily be entertaining the idea of children because you are waiting on a different promise. Perhaps you are just waiting on God to do something else in your life that could profoundly impact your future. Maybe you’re waiting for the job that would double your salary or wanting your new business to take off and give you financial freedom to pursue your passion.

The Bible says that the Lord had closed Hannah’s womb. This let me know that it was purposeful. He does nothing by accident. Waiting is often a lesson and there are reasons for your seasons.

While you may not understand the tears that have stained your pillow at night or the purpose of the grief you feel as a woman, please know that your situation, like Hanna’s, has purpose. God has a plan for you and your family and what He wants to birth in you is greater than you realize.

He may want your child to be the next President of the United States or perhaps provide the next best tech strategy for the world. Or, the business you are wanting to get off the ground may be the new venture that brings jobs to a brand new generation. Whatever it is, it is a part of His plan and it is special.

I would love to tell you to do just like Hannah did and dedicate your child’s life or your answered promise to the Lord. That’s not as realistic because perhaps your business is meant to work outside of the church walls or your child may not be a minister.

Instead, I’ll ask you to learn from Hannah and what she did while she waited:

  1. She prayed. Matthew 7:7 says to “ask and keep on asking and it will be given to you; seek and keep on seeking and you will find; knock and keep on knocking and the door will be opened to you.” Hannah traveled every year with her husband to sacrifice to the Lord of Hosts, knowing that she was working with an unanswered pray. Yet, she prayed and prayed some more. I know you may be tired of praying about the same thing but don’t stop. He hears you and He hasn’t forgotten about you.
  2. She did not focus on the lies of her rival. Hannah could have been the martyr and wallow in pity because of what was said about her and to her. Instead, she came before the Lord in her distress. She behaved with dignity and did not let her mind be consumed with what the enemy had to say. Instead, she was faithful to her husband, his household and most of all, to God. Instead of letting herself be discouraged and belittled, she kept her focus on the One who could change her situation.
  3. She honored her vow. A vow is a solemn promise to do a specific thing and I imagine that when Hannah made this vow, she did it with pure intentions. She truly wanted God to change her situation. And once her child was born, she completed her motherly duties and gave him back to the Lord. She was so thankful that God had answered her prayer that she showed it in her obedience. In return, God gave her even more children than she asked for.

To those who are waiting for God to birth a seed of purpose- be it children or dreams, be encouraged. What you may not know is that your child is destined for greatness and will play a major role in God’s plan. Your business or your gift may be used to ignite someone else or inspire a new thing that God desires to stir up in the hearts of others. He is an intentional Father.

Keep praying and be a woman or man of your word. Ignore your enemy and keep your eye on Him because He promises to give you double for your trouble.

No Explanation Necessary

Carrie Lea 1 Comment

The “new year, new me” gym crowd has started to disappear more and more now that we’re going into month three of 2018. I’m no longer searching for a mat to finish stretching because they are all taken and I also don’t have to circle the parking lot multiple times in search of a parking space.

Last week, shortly after I arrived at the gym, I noticed that I had an admirer. He started out pretty subtle in his observations and gradually got bolder. I saw him on the treadmill when I first walked in and didn’t think anything of it. He and I were the only dark brown people in they gym at that hour so naturally, we noticed one another. I gave the “black nod” and kept it moving.

When I began warming up on the elliptical, he moved to one that was a couple of machines away from me. When I moved on to the free weights, he soon followed and completed a few exercises a few feet away from where I was stationed. When I looked around or caught my breath, there he was- standing, looking.

I’m sure most women can attest to a similar experience at the gym. Every gym has a few lurkers. Often, the guy may be trying to catch your attention and make eye contact so he can take that as an opening to come start a conversation. Sometimes, they’ll call themselves giving you advice on a particular machine or exercise while other times, they’ll say something corny like “why don’t you smile?” as if the gym is the time you walk around with a broad smile on your face. Oftentimes, I think they are okay looking from afar but don’t want to interrupt their workout or yours.

I didn’t immediately assume he fell into one of those categories because there are plenty of moments when I’m at the gym and men completely ignore me. I had actually forgotten about him until he appeared at the leg machine next to me.

I continued looking straight forward as I counted through my reps. When I completed that first round, I saw him motioning to me in my peripheral. I removed my earphone from my left ear.

“Hi, are you from here?” I heard a thick accent. I am not great with determining accent origins but knew he was not from the U.S. He wore a bright yellow soccer jersey that fit a bit snug across his middle section. He paired it with dark grey mesh shorts and white socks that came up to his shins.

“From California?” I asked, hoping he would catch my accent which would confirm where I was from if this conversation was going where I thought it was.

“You look like you’re from Africa,” he said. Yep, here we go.

For the record, I’ve heard the “you look like you’re from Africa” line more than once but it has always come from African men. I have never had an African woman ask me where I’m from or make the same assumption. I don’t think that is a coincidence.

Armed with that knowledge and the fact that he had not-so-subtly followed me around the gym, I replied with a simple “nope.”

“Oh, okay, your features remind me of back home.”

“Where is home?” I took the bait.

“Ghana. I’ve only been here a year and I find it hard to meet people.” He smiled warmly and I immediately felt bad for assuming he was a lurker. Perhaps, he was actually just a nice guy looking to meet other nice people but wasn’t sure how to go about it. Hence, the random stalker-like behavior.

“Where do you live out here?” I asked.

“Martinez. I just moved a year ago and all I do is go to work and go home, go to work, go home.” He made a circular motion with his finger.

“I’m sure that’s hard. If it makes you feel any better, that’s what a lot of us do.” I smiled and shrugged, unsure of what to say next.

“Yeah, it’s so weird.”

We quickly hit a lull in the conversation. I started to put my earphone back in my ear and got in a couple reps, thinking we were done but he kept talking.

“I was told to go to the club to meet people but I’m not sure if I want to do that.”

“Really? Who suggested the club?”

“A man said that is where you meet nice people.”

“I’m not sure about that but I’m not a club-goer. Have you thought about attending a church? That’s a great way to create a sense of community?” I swear I find a way to fit church into every conversation. Ever the church girl.

He scrunched up his face which quickly told me what he thought of that idea.

“Well, what do you do with your kids?” he smiled.

Oh, I see what you did there. Okay, I’ll play a long and get this part over with.

“I don’t have kids.”

“Oh, don’t you want to have kids?”

“Um, I’m not quite sure.” And why are you asking if I want to have kids before you even know my name?

“You don’t?” he responded in mock horror and glanced down at my hips as if they told a different story. “Don’t you love your boyfriend and want to have his kids?”

Smooth, real smooth. I just shrugged, hoping not to have this conversation. I didn’t want to lie to the man but at the same time, I did not want to reveal that I don’t have a boyfriend. I prefer he assume I did so I could get back to my workout. I did a few more reps to signify that I wanted to get back to my workout.

“I want to understand,” he continued, “don’t you want to show him how much you love him by having his kids? Or have you not been together that long? If you don’t want to . . .” He continued talking but I stopped paying attention because I was thinking of what I could say to end this conversation without sharing that I am completely single with no kids and am not interested in having this discussion.

“Well, you know,” I shrugged again and added some weight to the machine.

He did not catch the hint. “What does your boyfriend say about this?”

“I don’t really have a boyfriend,” I mumbled. This. Is not. Happening. Why couldn’t I force myself to lie and ask for forgiveness later?

This statement shocked him. “But, you’re a beautiful woman. You could have any man. You do like men, don’t you? I know a lot of women here do not like men. I was told about that before I came.”

I had to laugh. “That is actually a valid question but yes, yes I do like men.” That was the first time I had ever received that question.

He squinted his eyes and looked closer at me. “How old are you?”

“Thirty-seven.”

The man practically fell off of his seat. If I didn’t know any better, I think he was starting to get mad at me. He adjusted himself and turned his full body towards me. Foolishly, I thought he was about to get up and walk away.

“Why are you waiting so long? Do you not want to have kids? Can you have kids? Why you not in relationship?” His questions came in rapid fire sequence and his accent became thicker. “You are not at an age when you can wait much longer. Back home, most women do not wait until your age to have kids. You don’t have much more time if you plan to start a family. Why are you waiting?” He looked at me with slight horror in his eyes.

I shook my head and shrugged again. I felt my defenses rising up and attitude brimming at the edge of my thoughts. How was I going to explain to him that in my mind, marriage was not something you did just to have a baby nor was it something that I could just wake up and decide to do? Or, that being married and having a baby was not the “end all, be all” of life. How could I explain how long it took for me to get to a place where I lived in joy and contentment, not consumed with my relationship status? Or why I can now walk confidently into a restaurant and not care what complete strangers think when I asked for a table for one. Or how I love the simplistic, uncomplicated, drama-free life that I led; that I love sleeping in the middle of the bed and not worrying about anyone but myself. I love dancing in my kitchen to my favorite songs or creating Instagram stories and chuckling to myself about how funny I think I am. I love the confidence I own and how I won’t feel incomplete or less than because I’m not on some man’s arm. Or how I wouldn’t let his questions diminish the fact that I am successful, driven, purposeful and amazing all by myself.

I wanted him to understand how there are plenty of women living in pretty prisons because they succumbed to the pressures our society places on those who do not follow the fairytale lifestyle. Those women settled for mediocre because they got tired of holding out for great. I wanted to pump my first in the air and shout that my life is not incomplete because I am not married yet nor is it lacking because I don’t have diaper-fever (the fist pump may have been a bit dramatic but let me have my moment.)

His questions represented what a lot of fabulous, single women deal with on a daily basis. Their successes are diminished and minimalized because of their relationship status. Some people don’t see them for who they are and the amazing things they have accomplished. Those same people prefer to hang their hat on archaic notions of thinking that diminish the value of a single woman but celebrate the single man’s lifestyle.

As I delayed my response and these thoughts ran through my head, his previous glances of admiration slowly turned to looks of confusion.

Before my American entitlement was about to rear his ugly head, I paused my rapid thoughts and realized that I don’t owe anyone an explanation about my life, especially not the lurking dude at the gym. But even if this was a conversation in the office or over dinner, I am not going to feel bad about waiting for what God has for me and being happy and fulfilled in the meantime. While I do desire marriage, my life does not revolve around wondering when it will happen or if I have enough eggs to produce a baby.

My life revolves around making the most out of every day and fulfilling my purpose during my time here on earth. I want to travel all over the world, taste new cuisines and experience it through these eyes that represent black girl magic to the fullest. Instead of worrying about something that could happen tomorrow or years from now, I wanted to take advantage of the now- how I live my life now, how I can spread love and wisdom now, how can I be the best I can be now. I wasted enough time pining over broken relationships and wishful thinking. My life is full of wonderful people and activities that deserve my attention now.

I’m not sure what the friend-seeking Ghanaian was ultimately wanting from me. Instead of giving him an answer to his questions, I finished my set on the gym machine then stood, smiled and said, “I hope you find the community you’re looking for,” and walked away.

Reclaiming Valentine’s Day

Carrie Lea

It’s that time of the year again. The time where single people everywhere are reminded that they don’t have a “plus one”  . . . all because of one day on the calendar. Yep, I’m talking Valentine’s Day.

The struggle is real because I just watched a Subaru commercial that used the tagline “Find your love, it’s out there.” Seriously, Subaru? I expected more. (Well . . . not really.)

Early in my single season, I dreaded the good ol’ day-o-love. While I have some awesome memories, I fed into the propaganda and unrealistic expectations around romance. I cringe inside when I think of the pressures I put on my previous significant others to make each Valentine’s Day bigger and better than the other.  I would hint around about two weeks before hand and make it more than obvious that I expected big, grandiose plans.

This mode of thought bled into my single expectations as well. I expected to have a romantic date at a wonderful restaurant even if it was with someone I barely knew or liked. I just wanted to be sure that I had a date because that meant I wasn’t alone. When I didn’t have that experience, I convinced myself I was missing out. The date validated me and covered up my true insecurities that reared their ugly head when I didn’t have someone to distract me. I was so focused on myself and my feelings that I didn’t even consider the poor soul I was asking to spend way too much money on a dinner that would most likely lead to nowhere. I had a one-track mind and it was all about taking what I could get. This is the complete opposite of what this day is supposed to be about.

Every married couple I have spoken with that has more than two years in the game, gives Valentine’s Day the good ol’ shoulder shrug. Their reasoning was that this holiday isn’t a big deal when you already choose to love someone every day. They explained that the grand gestures didn’t hold weight to the simple, every day actions that make a marriage work. Perhaps it is emptying the dishwasher, fixing a homemade dinner, taking out the trash or putting gas in the car without asking. Those were the true gestures that said I love you and created long-lasting romance.

As we approach another Valentine’s Day, I wanted to encourage my single peeps out there. This one day does not define you or your life. It can be a beautiful day full of romantic gestures but if you are not at that stage in life, it can still be a beautiful day. Instead of focusing on what you don’t have or who is not giving you love, do like some of those married couples and share love in your everyday actions.

“But Carrie, I don’t have a boo to show my every day love!”

I hear you. But showing or giving love doesn’t have to be romantic. You can give love in the form of kindness, generosity, consideration and thoughtfulness. I’ve decided to reclaim Valentine’s Day and the whole month of February as my time to show love through quality time, compliments, encouragement and support. It’s my month-o-love!

I’ve brunched with my mentor, worshipped with friends and sang karaoke as a mid-week outing. I’ve even face-timed, tagged along for beauty consultations and supported new business ventures. And I’m only two weeks in! Not only am I showing love by spending time with those who mean a lot to me, I am receiving tons of love back. I’ve received positive words of affirmation, encouragement in new endeavors, compliments, free meals and more! Me reaching out to others has been even more fulfilling because these purposeful people have poured into my life. I am a walking ball of gushy, mushy love right now and its wonderful. Never did I imagine that God would fill my life with so many meaningful relationships that weren’t centered around romance.

This realization has actually helped me discover true contentment and confidence in who I am and my season of life. I’ll be able to look back on my days as a single woman and know that I lived it with purpose and excitement while surrounding myself with people who I could pour into and who would reciprocate.

I am happier now than I have ever been and no relationship or Valentine’s Day celebration could ever bring that into my life.

So, I want to pass on this inner joy to you. If you are in a season where romantic love has not knocked on your door, its okay! Don’t get sucked into the illusions of relationship goals on the ‘Gram. Instead, celebrate those special people in your life  (the true, genuine ones) and call up a friend for an overdue chat. Grab brunch with a new acquaintance or go see the new Black Panther movie with your crew.

Nobody around? Take yourself out on a date. If you can’t enjoy your own company, nobody else will. I am a firm believer in entertaining myself.

Don’t feel like leaving the house? Turn on your favorite music and jump and dance until you’re out of breath. Whatever it is, make yourself smile.

You are beautiful, wonderful and loved. Don’t let one day of the year make you feel any different.

Not by Chance

Carrie Lea

Based on a true story

LINDA

Linda turned over and stared at the alarm clock. The red numbers looked slightly blurry and she squinted to see if it really said 5:00 a.m. or if she was dreaming. She remembered a time when she would get excited to hear her alarm go off. Today, she wondered if she could squeeze in fifteen more minutes of sleep. Passengers would be waiting as soon as she turned on her app. Let them wait.

Her dog Scotty, however, was in no mood to let her sleep and whimpered at the foot of her bed. When she didn’t move, he took the corner of her duvet into his mouth and dragged a portion of it off her body. Her foot was exposed and hanging off the side of the mattress. He licked the bottom of it.

“I remember when I used to think that was cute,” She said as she swung both legs off the side of the bed and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. “Thank you Jesus for waking me up this morning and starting me on my way,” she mumbled, stretching both her arms high above her head. Scotty bounced around anxiously at her feet. She reached down to give him a scratch behind his pointed ears before grabbing her cell phone from her nightstand and walking into the bathroom.

Her phone screen read 5:15 a.m. which means her day was about to start in 45 minutes. She sat down and started her daily ritual of checking her email hoping to see a note from her lawyer before she aimlessly scrolled through her Instagram feed. There was nothing from her lawyer but she did see that her mom had forwarded her a daily devotional about God’s timing.

“Yeah, it sucks.” She immediately swiped the email to the left and hit the red delete button. The last thing she wanted to read about was the Almighty and His sovereign timing. His timing has not been on time for me, so what’s the point?

Scotty whined and laid down in the doorway of the bathroom. His long, lean body and black hair was in stark contrast to the sand colored hardwood floors.

“I hear you and yes, we’re going out. Just let me wash my face and brush my teeth so I don’t scare the neighbors.” Scotty jumped up and ran in a circle to show his excitement only stopping to lick his front paws and scratch his nose. “I guess its time for you to be groomed.” Like you’ve got money for that. 

Linda looked in the mirror at her wild hair and almond-shaped eyes and sighed. This is not how she saw the year panning out. There was a time when there was a light in her eyes and she felt that light vibrating through her entire body. It was driven by a joy that bounced around inside of her and she worked to contain it so people wouldn’t consider her annoying. That light had recently burnt out and here she was with sagging shoulders, dim eyes and dull, fuzzy hair. Oh, how times have changed.

She tied a purple scarf around her hair to help tame it and make it presentable before going outside for Scotty’s walk. Her heart-shaped curly cut was losing its shape and in need of a deep condition treatment. She attempted to rearrange the curls that fell to her eyebrows as a makeshift bang then threw on her favorite workout pants with her old Berkeley t-shirt and an oversized cardigan. As she headed towards the door, Scotty was already waiting with his stump of a tail wagging frantically as he glanced back and forth between her and the door. She grabbed a poop bag and a banana before heading out the door. The morning was still dark except for the street lights that light the sidewalks. She stood on her porch and was about to pull her hoodie up when she realized the weather wasn’t as cool as she expected. Scotty had already ran ahead across the street. It was easier to walk him without a leash in the mornings because no other dogs were out for their morning stroll and he had a free reign of the sidewalks.

After returning from her the walk, the clock read 5:50 a.m. She dumped food into Scotty’s bowl and brought him fresh water. “Be good for mommy today, ok?” She said and rubbed his head. He started chomping on his breakfast and only stopped to look up when he heard the jingle of her keys as she grabbed them. She glanced down at her watch as she locked the door. “5:59 a.m. Not bad Miss Linda.”

She turned on her app as she walked towards the car and immediately received an alert for a passenger pick up in the Oakland.

She curved her Toyota Corolla through the streets and enjoyed the silence of the morning. She wasn’t a morning person but the morning rides were often the best ones for making money. She tried to remain nondescript so her passengers wouldn’t feel obligated to make conversation or concerned about taking calls in front of her. She was the invisible, hired help and that’s how she preferred it.

The sun was just starting to peak above the horizon which made the sky a gorgeous blend of orange, yellows, reds and blues. Her GPS instructed, “In 800 feet, turn left onto Vermont Ave.” As Linda turned left, she immediately saw a young woman standing to her right. “Your destination is on your right.”

Linda stopped abruptly so she wouldn’t pass the passenger. She learned the hard way that passing the customer and making them walk a few steps made them irritable and affected her rating. She put the car in park, popped the trunk and immediately jumped out to help the woman load her luggage into the car.

“Good morning! Abigail?” Linda said as came around the back of the car. Before she could reach down to grab the woman’s luggage, it was already hauled into the trunk. “I’m Linda.

“Yep, that’s me. G’morning Linda,” she said with a soft smile on her face. “I hope you don’t mind me coming out to the street to wait on you. I didn’t want you to have to drive up that steep driveway.”

“Oh, I don’t mind,” Linda replied. She eyed the woman’s black four-inch heels and Louis Vuitton bag as she turned to go open the backseat door. How did she get down that driveway with those heels and these bags?

“Are you headed to the airport. Traveling for work this morning?” Linda was not sure why she asked considering all she cared about was the fact that this trip was going to be an expensive ride and she could probably pick up another passenger to head back this way which would be the equivalent to two hours worth of rides on a normal day. Jackpot! She got int the car and checked the airport destination on her GPS.

“Something like that,” Abigail answered. Linda watched her buckle herself in and situate her purse and travel bag on the seat next to her. She had perfectly manicured nails and a curly, light brown mane of hair that sat right about her shoulders. Each curl was perfectly shaped and fell in it’s proper place. She wore a black cardigan with cropped jeans that had a slight tear in one of the knees. A large, silver necklace decorated her collarbone and complimented her simple, diamond stud earrings. She had a creamy, smooth complexion that reminded Linda of hot cocoa. Her dark eyes had short, thick eyelashes and she had a sheer gloss on her lips. For some reason Linda felt herself smiling at Abigail with a tinge of envy. She looked so well put-together for it to be so early in the day.

“Your purse is beautiful,” Linda said. And expensive.

“Oh, thank you.” Linda picked up on a slight accent.

“Where are you traveling to?”

“Back home,” she replied. “I’ve been here long enough.” She turned to her right to look out the window.

“Where’s home?”

“Nashville.” That’s where that accent came from.

As Linda pulled onto the I-80, she noticed traffic was heavier than normal this early in the morning. A sea of red lights filled the streets as far as the eye could see. “Looks like this may take a bit longer than I thought. I hope you aren’t in a rush.” She snuck a glimpse at Abigail in her rearview mirror.

“Oh, that’s fine. I don’t mind using this time to think.”

Silence fell over the car so Linda turned on her radio. Gospel music from last night’s drive home picked up where it had left off. “Oh, sorry.” She fumbled to change the station.

“I don’t mind that staying on if you don’t.” Linda raised her eyebrows in surprise. She wasn’t used to having passengers who actually wanted to listen to the music she played. Most requested no music. If she was playing gospel, they would ask if she could change the channel. No one wanted to hear about God these days.

“I’ve been needing a little encouragement lately so I had this on last night during my drive home.” Linda wasn’t sure why she shared that info with the passenger. She snuck another glance at Abigail who was still staring out the window. They rode in the stop-n-go traffic while Fred Hammond sang about how no weapon formed shall prosper.

“How long have you been driving?” Abigail asked.

Linda was surprised to have her ask a question. She got the impression that she wasn’t in the mood for small talk and wanted to get lost in thought instead. “Uh, not too long. Maybe a couple of months now.”

“What made you want to become a driver? I’ve heard so many different reasons, I just like to hear all the different inspirations.”

“Not sure inspiration is the word I would use. More like obligation,” Linda responded eyeing Abigail in her rearview mirror. Abigail stared back, waiting to hear more. Linda wondered if she should tell the whole truth around why she started driving and how she needed to supplement her income once she was arrested and denied her right to teach. How could she explain how she was wrongly accused of spitting in a child’s face while working as a fourth grade teacher for the Oakland Unified School District? The very thought of it made her sick. She felt herself getting hot so she cracked the window slightly to let in some air. She wasn’t sure if she would be judged or if Abigail would see her point of view.

“Unfortunately, I was wrongly accused of spitting in a child’s face when I worked as an elementary school teacher in Oakland.” She glanced at Abigail’s reflection again to gauge her reaction. Her face did not changed as she stared back.

“I was dealing with a misbehaving student so I went and asked the teacher next door, Miss Wallace, to witness the conversation. They always train us to involve another faculty member when dealing with escalated conflict in the classroom and she was the closest one to me. We took the student into the hallway to talk. As I was talking to him, I accidentally spit a little and it landed on his face. I apologized and asked him if he wanted to get some tissue. It was only a few dots and he said yes. He went in, grabbed tissue off my desk and we continued the conversation when he came back out. I’m thinking everything is fine but yet, when we go to file the report about the incident and what happened, Miss Wallace says I spit purposefully on the child’s face! I did no such thing. I’m not some monster. I’m a teacher!” Linda could feel her face growing hot and tears burning the corners of her eyes. You cannot cry while you drive. Get a grip!

“Why would I get a witness and follow protocol if I was going to do something like that? The child didn’t even mention the spit in his written document. And then, when he was questioned about it, he said that he thought it was an accident.” Linda’s voice started to raise an octave and gripped the steering wheel tightly while gesturing wildly with her free hand.

“I’m a teacher and have been for the last 12 years. I would never do something as vile as spit in anyone’s face, let alone a student of mine. I just couldn’t understand why she would lie and write a statement in complete contrast to what happened. I was dumb-founded. But get this- I got arrested for it. They called the child’s parents then called the police. The parents said they wanted to press charges, so they put me in handcuffs. I have never been arrested or convicted of anything in my life and yet, they felt the need to put me in handcuffs over this lie. I had to go down to the county jail and they took all my possessions, including my new handbag which somehow disappeared before I was released.” Tears began to stream down Linda’s cheeks. She could remember the shame and embarrassment she felt as the other teachers watched as they walked her out the front doors of the school to the police car. It was an especially hot day and the sun felt like it was burning a hole in her back. The officer who held her right arm just kept looking forward and never made eye contact with her. She remembers seeing his cheeks turn crimson when she asked if handcuffs were necessary. His blue eyes had looked as if they were apologizing as he pulled out the handcuffs and asked her to put her arms out in front of her.

She wasn’t sure why she was freely sharing this story and reacting as if it just happened yesterday. Abigail reached over the seat offering two tissue.

“Why do you think she lied on you?”

“I keep asking myself that over and over again.” Linda grabbed the tissue and began wiping her face. “I still haven’t come up with an answer. I wonder why everyone trusted her word over mine and the student’s. I wonder why they think I would even be capable of doing such a thing. Silly me. I should have seen it coming. I noticed that the other fourth grader teachers weren’t inviting me to dinner on Friday nights anymore. Earlier that particular week, we were supposed to change our boards outside of our classrooms. I missed the morning meeting due to a doctor’s appointment but nobody told me about the switch. I was on my way out when I saw several of the teachers working on their boards after school. I asked Miss Wallace about what we needed to do and she responded with a snide remark about how ‘all of us can’t miss important meetings and still be in good graces’. I wasn’t sure where it came from but I went to the main office to find out what I needed to do.”

“Hmm, interesting.” Is that all she has to say?

“So now, I am working with a lawyer to clear my name so I can teach again.”

“I’m sorry that you had to go through this. I’ll be praying for you because I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you.” Abigail handed her another tissue.

Linda wasn’t sure prayer was what she needed right now. She had prayed and still ended up in this situation. A lot of good that did.

“Thanks,” she sniffed and wiped her nose. “I just keep asking God, where was He in all of this? Why hasn’t He fixed this yet? I’m a Christian. I go to church. I pay tithes. Why me?”

“I’m not sure this is what you prefer to hear right now but, why not you?” she quickly side-eyed Abigail in the rearview. “Hear me out. God never said that we wouldn’t face calamity in this world. He promised us that He would send a Helper and that we wouldn’t have to do it alone. His word says that ‘all things work together for good, for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.’ I know you may be wondering how this could possibly work to your good but He knows. You have to trust Him.”

“How do I trust Him during something like this? Where was He when I was being lied on and handcuffed?” she balled up the tissue and threw it in the empty passenger seat on top of all the other items she had been meaning to take out of her car. The seat held her bible, an old church bulletin, lip gloss and a hair brush and her phone ear buds. She hadn’t replaced her handbag since the incident and was letting things accumulate wherever they landed these days.

“Those are good questions. Have you asked Him those questions?”

Is she for real? “Uh, no. I don’t really talk to God like that.”

“You should. He wants to have open, honest communication with us.”

“You say that as if He will respond.” Linda rolled her eyes. I should have kept my mouth shut. This is getting weird.

“I know it sounds weird but He will,” Abigail said.

Can she hear me?

“We can go to God with anything. The response may be whispered in your spirit or it might come through someone else. Or even a dream.”

“If He cares and wants me to talk to Him, why did He allow it to happen?”

“I don’t have all the answers for you and I’m not saying it’s going to be an easy conversation. Sounds like you’re mad at Him. But you have to hand it over to Him. All of it. The school, your future, your hurt, your anger, your resentment, your bitterness. Give it all to Him. Then praise Him.”

“I think you’re asking a lot.” Linda shook her head and looked to the right and left before stealing another glance in the rearview mirror and switching lanes.

“There is a story about how Paul and Silas were badly beaten up then thrown into a prison. Instead of crying and stewing in their anger, they began to pray and sing hymns unto God. An earthquake shook the foundations of the prison and they were freed. The guard who thought they were gone was about to kill himself but they stopped him and he ended up receiving Christ as his savior. Then he went on to help them and feed them. I tell you this story to remind you that there is power in your praise. We serve a prayer answering God. If you could just give him the situation, He’ll not only Fix it but have a table prepared for you in the midst of your enemies.”

Linda could feel her heart melting as something burst inside of her. “I’ve been going through the motions and afraid to really pray and tell God how I feel. I just want to fix it.”

“It’s so hard sometimes, right? We just want it to be better and we forget who we have on our side. He believes in us and has a plan for our lives, no matter who doesn’t believe in them. I’ll be praying for you. Things will get better.”

“I’m sorry,” Linda blew her nose and felt around in her console for additional tissues, “this is just so unprofessional!”

Abigail handed her a pack of tissue. “Actually, do you mind if I pray for you now?”

“Uh, sure. I won’t bow my head to keep my eyes open but I’m in agreement with whatever you have to say.” Linda was flabbergasted. Is this really happening?

“Okay, I’ll bow my head and pray. Dear Father, thank you for this chance encounter between the two of us . . .” Abigail continued to pray over Linda’s situation, her emotions, her job and the other teacher, Miss Wallace. When she finished, she asked Linda, “Do you know why I prayed for Miss Wallace too?”

“I was wondering why but didn’t want to interrupt.”

“God says we are to love our enemies. While you may not love her yet, you have to forgive her. There are two sides to every story and for whatever reason, she felt the need to lie on you. Let’s let God handle that one and you release freedom when you forgive her.”

Linda rolled her eyes. “Now you’re really asking a lot.”

“I know. Believe me, I know. But God loves her too just like He loves you when you are wrong.” Linda watched Abigail shake her head and put her fingers to her temples.

“This is heavy. I wasn’t planning to deal with this today.” She tried to smile to show her appreciation for the guidance and encouragement.

“We only hinder ourselves when we refuse to forgive. It doesn’t mean you can’t still be mad but you can’t hold anything against her in your heart.”

“I need to work on that,” Linda wiped her face one last time. “Which airline?”

“Oh! I didn’t realize we were here so soon. United.” She heard Abigail rip a piece of paper.

“I don’t know what to say to you,” Linda laughed and felt the warmth of the sun on the left side of her face. “I just can’t believe that we met. What’s the chance of this happening? Can I hug you when we get out? I’ve never asked a stranger for a hug but I feel like that’s the only appropriate response.”

“I think we’re past the stranger point. And yes, I would love that.”

Linda guided the car to the drop off area, threw it in park then jumped out to grab Abigail’s luggage from the trunk. As soon the luggage was out, she grabbed Abigail, wrapped her arms around her then swayed back and forth.

“You really blessed me and gave me a new perspective. Thank you!”

“I’m glad God put us together this morning. It helped me just as much as it did you.” Abigail pulled up the handle on her suitcase and turned to enter the airport. She turned back to give Linda a wave before the sliding doors closed behind her.

Linda stood there with one hand raised and the other laying on her heart. As she got in her car, she checked in her backseat per her usual routine to make sure the passengers hadn’t left anything. Abigail’s purse was sitting on the seat.

“Aw man, she left her purse,” she murmured as she reached back to grab it. When she picked it up, it felt extremely light. She saw that it was unzipped and looked in to see a piece a paper. She took the paper out and on it was a note that read, “This is for you to carry when you go back to teaching. It holds everything!”

Linda sat holding the purse as tears slid down her cheeks.

 

ABIGAIL

Abigail turned over and stared at the ceiling. She was still on Central time and could not sleep much later than five a.m. when she came out west. She had barely slept the previous night because the room was a bit warmer than what she preferred. She decided to get up to get ready for her flight. She tiptoed down the hallway, trying to be quiet when she came out the bathroom after taking her shower.

“I’m not sure I can continue doing this.” She stopped in her tracks in the hallway on her way back to the other bedroom and saw him sitting on the floor in the doorway of his bedroom.

“Doing what?” she was surprised that he was already awake.

“This. This distance. Your work schedule. You leaving after us only having a few days together. You sleeping in a different room for religious reasons. All of it.” He put up air quotes when he said “religious.”

“We talked about this last time I was here. You left to pursue your career. I agreed to come visit if I could have my own room. You know where I stand on intimacy.” Especially without a ring. “I just got a publishing agent. Now, all of a sudden, you can’t do this?” She put her hands up in air quotes when she said “do this” and went back into the bathroom to do her hair.

“There you go. Making your life seem more important than mine and throwing your success in my face.” He followed behind her and leaned his left shoulder on the door frame as he watched her twirl her curls around her fingers.

“Nobody is making anything more important than anything. You brought this up.” She pushed pass him in the doorway and went back to her room to pull on a cardigan.

He followed behind her. “I just don’t understand why you can’t do your job out here.”

“The same way you couldn’t do what you do back home. You didn’t want to.”

“I thought you supported me. I just haven’t found the right investors yet. Is this about me not making enough money to support us? I bought you this bag!” He picked up the designer handbag he had surprised her with last year on her first visit out west. She had foolishly expected a ring. “You on the other hand, you’re just chasing some dream you think God gave you. Nobody even reads your work.”

His words smacked her across the face and she felt like she had been punched in her stomach. She stopped and stared at him. He needed a haircut and his sweatpants were a bit too short for his long legs. She looked around the room at the bed without a headboard and the floor fan tilted up towards the ceiling making a soft, purring sound. He was into athletic sneakers and his pairs of shoes, some of which she had bought for birthdays or just-because moments, lined the perimeter of the bedroom wall. The bedside lamp sat on the floor with no lampshade.

She looked him in his eyes and shook her head.

“I didn’t mean it like that. I just. just-“

“No, I know exactly what you meant.” Abigail zipped up her luggage and looked at her phone. It read 6:00 a.m. She requested a ride to the airport through her transportation app.

“Abby! Is this a time to be on your phone? Don’t do this. I didn’t mean it like that.” He pulled at her arm to try to stop her from grabbing her shoes. “Why are you leaving so early? Your flight is not for another three hours. We need to talk.”

She yanked her arm away. “Don’t touch me. You have said enough.” She grabbed her luggage and walked towards the door.

“I’m just a bit frustrated that you’re leaving. There’s no reason to overreact.” He rolled his eyes and sat on the back of the couch.

Abigail felt the hairs on the back of her neck rise. She rolled her head around and let her shoulders rise and fall before she bent over to put on her shoes.

“Oh, so you mad? Now you want to act like I’m getting on your nerves?” He got up and walked towards the kitchen. He had put on house slippers that made a constant slapping sound with each step he took across the linoleum flooring.

I’ve got to get out of here now. 

“Abby, why are you acting like this?” He stuck his head behind the refrigerator door so all she saw were his legs and bottom sticking out.

She reached for the door knob but before she touched it, she turned around, “My name is Abigail!” She open the door and slammed it as she walked out.

She hurried down the apartment’s drive, which was a bit steeper than she had thought, so she slowed her step and began to inch her way to the bottom. Her ride pulled up just as she got to the street.

It was a black Toyota Corolla that stopped suddenly once the driver saw her. She saw that her driver had a purple scarf tied around her head with big thick curls sticking out the top, giving her a bohemian vibe.

I wish my hair would do that.

She heard the trunk pop and immediately grabbed her suitcase and tossed it in. She was willing to do whatever it took to get in the car and get on the road. She needed to get as far away as possible as quickly as possible.

“Good morning! Abigail?” her driver came around the back of the car and looked for Abigail’s bag. “I’m Linda.”

“Yep, that’s me. G’morning Linda,” she said. “I hope you don’t mind me coming out to the street to wait on you. I didn’t want you to have to drive up that steep driveway.”

“Oh, I don’t mind. Are you headed to the airport. Traveling for work this morning?”

Is this one of those Chatty Kathy drivers? “Something like that,” Abigail answered getting into the car.

“Your purse is beautiful.” Abigail watched her fasten her seatbelt and put the car in drive.

“Oh, thank you.” Abigail looked at her purse and saw him.

“Where are you traveling to?”

“Back home,” she replied. “I’ve been here long enough.” She looked out the window hoping to signal that she wasn’t interested in keeping conversation.

“Where’s home?”

“Nashville.” Perhaps one-worded answers will give a hint.

Linda came to a stop once she merged onto the freeway. All you could see was a sea of red and orange lights.

“Looks like this may take a bit longer than I thought. I hope you aren’t in a rush.”

Abigail kept looking out the window, “Oh, that’s fine. I don’t mind using this time to think.”

Gospel music filled the car, breaking the silence she expected them to sit in for the rest of the ride.

“Oh, sorry,” Linda reached out as if she was about to change the station.

“I don’t mind that staying on if you don’t.” The song playing was one that her favorites that she used to hear at her childhood church. It reminded her of the dark maroon pews and cathedral-like appearance of the sanctuary. She could hear the crinkling from the peppermint candies being untwisted by one of the church mothers right when the church fell silent for the reading of the scripture. She could smell Sister Johnson’s perfume which always reminded her of vanilla wafers. Sister Johnson would see her family every Sunday and exclaim how excited she was to be in the “house of the Lawd” and then squeeze Abigail into her bust and place a kiss on her forehead. Her kisses were wet but she always slipped Abigail a sweet treat in her hand. Sometimes it was a butterscotch or piece of chocolate mint candy.

Even though she dreaded being suffocated by Sister Johnson’s bear hugs, she looked forward to seeing her each Sunday, receiving her treat and seeing her jolly mood. When she lost her husband, who served as a Police Chief, in the line of duty, she would sometimes hum or smile while rocking back and forth as tears streamed down her face during worship service. When asked how she was doing, she would say, “It’s not a good day but no weapon formed shall prosper!”

Abigail closed her eyes and listened to the words wash over her. Her phone buzzed repeatedly but she ignored it, knowing who it was.

A honk from an angry driver snapped her back to the present as Linda said, “I’ve been needing a little encouragement lately so I had this on last night during my drive home.” A frown flitted across her face.

Don’t we all? “How long have you been driving?” Abigail asked.

“Uh, not too long. Maybe a couple of months now.”

“What made you want to become a driver? I’ve heard so many different reasons, I just like to hear all the different inspirations.” Abigail wanted to keep her talking so she wouldn’t be tempted to look at her phone.

“Not sure inspiration is the word I would use. More like obligation.”

Abigail looked at Linda through the rearview mirror and noticed for the first time the sadness that stared back at her.

“Unfortunately, I was wrongly accused of spitting in a child’s face when I worked as an elementary school teacher in Oakland.” Linda paused and caught her eye. Abigail stared back waiting to hear the rest of the story.

“I was dealing with a misbehaving student so I went and asked the teacher next door, Miss Wallace, to witness the conversation. They always train us to involve another faculty member when dealing with escalated conflict in the classroom and she was the closest one to me. We took the student into the hallway to talk. As I was talking to him, I accidentally spit a little and it landed on his face. I apologized and asked him if he wanted to get some tissue. It was only a few dots and he said yes. He went in, grabbed tissue off my desk and we continued the conversation when he came back out. I’m thinking everything is fine but yet, when we go to file the report about the incident and what happened, Miss Wallace says I spit purposefully on the child’s face! I did no such thing. I’m not some monster. I’m a teacher!”

Abigail saw tears form in the corner of Linda’s eyes and felt her heart soften. She started going through her bag to look for tissue as Linda continued talking.

“Why would I get a witness and follow protocol if I was going to do something like that? The child didn’t even mention the spit in his written document. And then, when he was questioned about it, he said that he thought it was an accident. I’m a teacher and have been for the last 12 years. I would never do something as vile as spit in anyone’s face, let alone a student of mine. I just couldn’t understand why she would lie and write a statement in complete contrast to what happened. I was dumb-founded. But get this- I got arrested for it. They called the child’s parents then called the police. The parents said they wanted to press charges, so they put me in handcuffs. I have never been arrested or convicted of anything in my life and yet, they felt the need to put me in handcuffs over this lie.”

The tears began to stream down Linda’s cheeks. Abigail reached over the seat with two tissue.

Give her more. 

A chill ran down her spine and her heart started to beat a little faster. What did that mean? She didn’t have anything to give this woman. She was just trying to make small talk. She had two tissue left in the pack. She had her own tears to wipe up.

“Why do you think she lied on you?” Abigail asked as she began sifting through her travel bag to see if she had an extra package of tissue.

“I keep asking myself that over and over again. I still haven’t come up with an answer. I wonder why everyone trusted her word over mine and the student’s. I wonder why they think I would even be capable of doing such a thing. Silly me. I should have seen it coming. I noticed that the other fourth grader teachers weren’t inviting me to dinner on Friday nights anymore. Earlier that particular week, we were supposed to change our boards outside of our classrooms. I missed the morning meeting due to a doctor’s appointment but nobody told me about the switch. I was on my way out when I saw several of the teachers working on their boards after school. I asked Miss Wallace about what we needed to do and she responded with a snide remark about how ‘all of us can’t miss important meetings and still be in good graces’. I wasn’t sure where it came from but I went to the main office to find out what I needed to do.”

“Hmm, interesting.” God, how should I respond?

“So now, I am working with a lawyer to clear my name so I can teach again.”

“I’m sorry that you had to go through this. I’ll be praying for you because I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you.” Abigail handed Linda the whole pack of tissues.

“Thanks,” sniffed Linda. “I just keep asking God, where was He in all of this? Why hasn’t He fixed this yet? I’m a Christian. I go to church. I pay tithes. Why me?”

A sermon Abigail had listened to during her flight out west came to her mind. The Pastor had discussed the character of Paul and his perspective of the hardships he faced in delivering the Word of God. Paul rejoiced over facing calamity and suffering because in the end, it would be for His benefit. The pastor spoke about how some Christians often feel like it’s supposed to be an easy road all the time and he reminded them that rain produces both mud and roses. “Embrace the rain and wait for your flowers to bloom,” he had said.

“I’m not sure this is what you prefer to hear right now but . . . why not you?” Abigail caught Linda giving her the evil eye in the rearview. “Hear me out. God never said that we wouldn’t face calamity in this world. He promised us that He would send a Helper and that we wouldn’t have to do it alone. His word says that ‘all things work together for good, for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.’ I know you may be wondering how this could possibly work to your good but He knows. You have to trust Him.”

“How do I trust Him during something like this? Where was He when I was being lied on and handcuffed?” Abigail watched Linda crush the tissue in her hand and throw it in the seat for emphasis.

“Those are good questions. Have you asked Him those questions?” God help me with this.

“Uh, no. I don’t really talk to God like that.”

“You should. He wants to have open, honest communication with us.”

“You say that as if He will respond.” She saw Linda roll her eyes.

“I know it sounds weird but He will.” I thought it was weird the first time someone said it to me too. Abigail wanted to find the words to explain how God cares about even the smallest details of each of his children’s lives.

“We can go to God with anything. The response may be small whisper in your spirit.”

“If He cares and wants me to talk to Him, why did He allow it to happen?” Linda’s frustration was etched on her forehead and her brows were furrowed in confusion.

“I don’t have all the answers for you and I’m not saying it’s going to be an easy conversation. Sounds like you’re mad at Him. But you have to hand it over to Him. All of it. The school, your future, your hurt, your anger, your resentment, your bitterness. Give it all to Him. Then praise Him.”

“I think you’re asking a lot.”

Abigail knew she was asking a lot and while talking to Linda, she was also talking to herself. She wanted to ask God the same questions. She spent more than a year with a man whom she shared some of her biggest dreams and fear, only to find out that he never believed in them or her. She felt foolish and betrayed.

Leave your past, bless her future.

Abigail was surprised at how much of the sermon she remembered and continued to share it with Linda, “There is a story about how Paul and Silas were badly beaten up then thrown into a prison. Instead of crying and stewing in their anger, they began to pray and sing hymns unto God. An earthquake shook the foundations of the prison and they were freed. The guard who thought they were gone was about to kill himself but they stopped him and he ended up receiving Christ as his savior. Then he went on to help them and feed them. I tell you this story to remind you that there is power in your praise. We serve a prayer answering God. If you could just give him the situation, He’ll not only Fix it but have a table prepared for you in the midst of your enemies.”

“I’ve been going through the motions and afraid to really pray and tell God how I feel. I just want to fix it.”

“It’s so hard sometimes, right? We just want it to be better and we forget who we have on our side. I’ll be praying for you. Things will get better.”

Pray now.

“I’m sorry,” Linda blew her nose and began searching in her console for something. “This is just so unprofessional!”

Abigail handed her the rest of her pack of tissue. “Actually, do you mind if I pray for you now?”

“Uh, sure.” She saw Linda’s eyes dart back and forth. “I won’t bow my head to keep my eyes open but I’m in agreement with whatever you have to say.”

“Okay, I’ll bow my head and pray. Dear Father, thank you for this chance encounter between the two of us . . .” She prayed over Linda’s situation, her emotions, her job and her time as a driver. She felt herself get choked up as she spoke against the schemes of the enemy to ruin Linda’s future. She then prayed for the other teach, Miss Wallace. When she finished, she asked Linda, “Do you know why I prayed for Miss Wallace too?”

“I was wondering why but didn’t want to interrupt.”

“God says we are to love our enemies. While you may not love her yet, you have to forgive her. There are two sides to every story and for whatever reason, she felt the need to lie on you. Let’s let God handle that one and you release freedom when you forgive her. Leave her in the past and bless your future.”

Linda rolled her eyes. “Now you’re really asking a lot.”

“I know. But God loves her too just like He loves you when you are wrong.”

“This is heavy. I wasn’t planning to deal with this today.” Linda smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes.

“We only hinder ourselves when we refuse to forgive. It doesn’t mean you can’t still be mad but you can’t hold anything against her in your heart.” Abigail knew she had to practice what she preached.

“I need to work on that,” Linda wiped her face one last time. “Which airline?”

“Oh! I didn’t realize we were here so soon. United.” Abigail pulled out her notebook, ripped out a page and scribbled a quick note.

“I don’t know what to say to you,” Linda laughed and her eyes crinkled as the sun reflected brightly on the left side of her face. “I just can’t believe that we met. What’s the chance of this happening? Can I hug you when we get out? I’ve never asked a stranger for a hug but I feel like that’s the only appropriate response.”

“I think we’re past the stranger point. And yes, I would love that.”

Linda guided the car to the drop off area, squeezing behind a young man who was hugging a woman who looked to be the same age as him. Abigail watched them look into each other’s eyes and smile. She dropped the note in her purse and gathered her travel bag to get out of the car. Linda has already grabbed her luggage out of the trunk. Before she could open her mouth, Linda grabbed her into her bosom, wrapped her arms around her then swayed back and forth. Abigail thought she smelled a hint of vanilla.

“You really blessed me and gave me a new perspective. Thank you!”

“I’m glad God put us together this morning. It helped me just as much as it did you.” Abigail took her suitcase and turned around to head towards the sliding doors. She turned back to give Linda one final wave and saw her standing with a sweet smile over her face.

She walked up to the counter to check her suitcase.

“Welcome to United Airlines,” the customer service representative said, “name and ID please.”

Abigail handed over her info and smoothed on more lip gloss as she waited for her boarding pass to print.

“Miss, you have been upgraded to first class. Here is your boarding pass and your flight is leaving from gate 84.”

“Excuse me?” Abigail said looking at the boarding pass he handed her. Sure enough, it had first class listed with a new seat number. “Um, am I being charged for this?”

“No ma’am. Due to unforeseen booking issues with the flight, you have been selected for an immediate upgrade. The chance of this happening again is extremely unlikely. Is that ok?”

Abigail chuckled to herself and felt tears prick the corners of her eyes. “Yes, yes it is.”

Where is He?!

Carrie Lea 1 Comment

I was recently catching up with a friend about our new year mindsets and began to discuss the woes of dating as a grown woman. I went on about the perceived lack of available men who can actually bring something to the table. I told stories about how age may make a difference in how interested men approach you but when it comes to how they treat you, age is nothing but a number. We also discussed the dichotomy of the male and female role in relationships and how that plays out in the world of dating during the age of social media.

“Why can’t they . . .?” was the beginning of a lot of my phrases and “I’m just so frustrated . . .” was the end of the rest. As we talked, I became even more annoyed and discouraged. I was on the verge of a Charlotte from Sex in the City moment where she yells “Where is he?!” (my true SITC fans will remember that scene).

Even though my phone conversation was over, all that complaining and grumbling turned into frustration toward God. I had lost focus and allowed the negativity to dictate my emotions. My “where is He?!” moment was also directed at Him. I tearfully cried out:

“Why do I have to wait so long? Here I am in my late 30’s and still waiting. 

Is he not ready? 

Am I the issue? 

I just don’t understand why this is taking so long! What else am I supposed to learn?

Another year has started and all I have is a knowledge about what I don’t want, what I won’t compromise on and confused feelings about previous suitors. 

I feel like this year is my year but I don’t want to get my hopes up and be disappointed. Lord, I’m holding on to everything You have said but in the flesh, this is getting harder and harder. 

Can you send me a sign or some encouragement?” 

I didn’t hear an immediate response but the next day, I was reading John chapter 6 about how Jesus fed the 5,000 people with only five loaves of bread and two small fish. The people were hungry physically and spiritually. They couldn’t get enough of this miracle worker named Jesus.

After I read this story, I thought to myself, Okay, lesson learned. This is my encouragement. I get it. I’m like the hungry people who needed You. You’re more than enough and I shouldn’t be more interested in your provision than a relationship with you. You’re able to do anything. Thanks God. I’ll work on having a better attitude. 

However, truth be told- I still had an attitude. I did what I knew to do which was to pray and read my word but that didn’t offer immediate relief. I wanted Jesus to do something that I could see.

That is when God, in His sweet sovereignty, whispered a sweet reminder in my heart about the story of Lazarus.

John chapter 11 tells us about how when a message was sent to Jesus about Lazarus, the one whom He loved, being sick, he responded how the sickness would not end in death. He then stayed where He was for two more days instead of traveling to be with Lazarus.

The “two more days” part always baffled me. Jesus heard what they said and He cared because Lazarus was someone He loved. Yet, instead of rushing to be by Lazarus’ side, He stayed where he was for two more days. This didn’t sound very loving.

When He did arrive on the scene, Lazarus was already dead. As he approached, Martha walked right up to Him and said, “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died.”

I always loved Martha’s response because it was real, raw and direct. If this scenario was in modern day times, I can picture Martha waiting at a crossroads for Jesus before He even got to the house. Perhaps, she has a hand on her hip, a tear-stained face and a finger wagging to go with a neck roll. Before Jesus rounds the corner, she’s asking where He has been and what took so long for Him to come see the one whom He loved. The one who is now dead because of His tardiness. I’m sure her words are piercing and probably a bit inappropriate considering the One she is addressing. In her mind, she has been thinking about how mad she is that she’s had to wait and her brother died in the meantime.

Those two days of waiting must have felt like forever for her. How do you wait patiently when you’ve done all you know to do? She sent word and expected an answer. Martha was crushed because she felt that Jesus had abandoned her and her family when they needed Him most. Her immediate reaction was based on her emotions.

Can you relate? I can.

Our emotions can have us speaking out of turn and viewing the situation from our human, carnal point of view. Not to say that our emotions aren’t real, they’re just fickle. They cloud our view and don’t allow us to see what’s really going on. We can never measure up to God’s infinite wisdom and love. We see waiting as punishment but He sees the full picture behind our wait.

Jesus was taking His time getting to Lazarus because the death was going to be used to show God’s glory. Martha had no idea about the miracle that He was about to reveal. Jesus had to wait until Lazarus was dead and stinking so everyone would see the power of God.

That’s how I feel about my love life- it’s dead and stinking. I’m sure many of you have asked the same questions in regards to your career, starting a family, buying a house, healing in your body, waiting for that spouse to act right, etc. We have all had the “Why God why?” or “When God when?” questions swirling in our heads at some point in our lives. My crying out in frustration was my Martha-moment. Just like Martha, I know of God’s strength and power, and I know He loves me more than anything. That’s why I expect Him to step in right when I think I need Him. When He didn’t, I came with questions and emotions, not realizing that He is working on a miracle just right for me.

When you’re desiring something, the enemy will use your emotions against you to make you believe that what you’re waiting for is never going to happen or make you question the character of God. God is not sitting on some throne watching you cry, go through hardships then ignoring you. He wants to build a relationship with you so you learn who He is. His desire is that you to talk with Him about EVERYTHING. That includes the complaints, questions and frustrations you face. Even if you have to cry out in emotion. Let it out!

You just can’t stay in your emotional state. After Martha cried out to Jesus, she continued to have a conversation with Him (John 11:22-28). That’s what you and I have to do too. We can’t just cry out to God, close the door and leave the conversation. I was once told that praying is a dialogue, not a monologue. We have to continue to talk with Him and let Him talk to us. Read His word and be purposeful in pursuing a relationship with Him. He will then reveal Himself to us just as He did to Martha.

She listened to what he said and confessed the truth about who He is. It was only after speaking the truth that lived in her heart, she went away with peace about the situation. Jesus then raised Lazarus from the dead.

I believe the same can happen for us. If we listen to God and recognize who He is and what He is doing in our lives, we’ll have a revelation of peace that will encourage us and eventually speak life into our dead situation. We may not the all the details now and we may have frustrating moments, but when the manifestation takes place, it will be obvious that is was the work of God.

Be encouraged in knowing that He is always there, listening and waiting to talk to you. He may not reveal the why behind His actions but He doesn’t have to. Let’s trust Him and continue to have relationship with Him because He hears, He cares and He’s concerned. Hold tight and watch Him work.

Hello, 2018!

Carrie Lea

Embracing the new year is often a time of reflection and remembrance of the events that shaped 365 days of your life. You might consider 2017 one of your best years yet due to a promotion or the birth of a child. Or maybe, horrific news changed the dynamic of your world which would cause you to believe that this is one of your worst years yet.

Each incident, big and small, impacts our lives but the truth is, if you are reading this- you’re already blessed because you have lived to see another year. 2017 wasn’t perfect but life never is. The valleys and mountains are just as important as the sunshine and rainbows. Both make you who you are and shape who you are going to be.

Looking ahead to 2018, what will you do different? Each year, people discuss all that the habits they will change in the upcoming year but very few actually discuss how it will be done. How will you achieve new goals, make new memories and be the best you that you can be? I’m all about creating a game plan so I’ll share my how with you:

1. Create a Vision Board– Every year, I visually compile my goals and dreams for the upcoming year. These dreams range from personal to professional and everywhere in between. I pray over my board because it holds the secret desires of my heart. Then, I post it somewhere in my home where it can be a daily, visual reminder of what I’m working towards. I used to hide it or take it down when people came over but now, I leave it up because I’m not afraid for people to see what I want in life. I desire marriage and am joyfully waiting on God to write my love story. I am working toward being a published novelist and writing as a profession vs. a hobby. I am adding more stamps to my passport and discovering the world.

What are you dreaming of? How do you want to change your life and the lives of others? What can you do differently to begin to move in the direction of your purpose? Compile your thoughts and inspirations in whatever form works for you and go after them. Once you put it to paper, it becomes real and you have something specific to strive towards.

2. Find Your Gatherers– Pastor Sarah Jakes Roberts recently spoke about having “Gatherers” in your crew (see the full sermon here) because they have your back spiritually and physically. They may pray for you or lay them hands for you (and I’m not talking the holy kind!). Whatever it is, they support you and your dreams. They are the people you call for encouragement when your back is against the wall and you feel like the room is closing in. They are the ones you see when you have cried crocodile tears all night because what you have been waiting for hasn’t come to fruition yet and your faith is starting to wane. They are the ones who will pray you out of the slump, send you the “good morning, have an awesome day!” text just to start your day off right. They are also the ones who shut people down when they begin to say unfavorable things about you because they don’t want anyone to ever feel comfortable talking ill of you in their presence.

If you don’t have any gatherers, pray for some then get social: get involved in church, try a new Meet-up, join a hiking group or attend a new networking event in your city. Whatever you do, don’t sit at home everyday and wonder why you don’t have friends. Step outside of your comfort zone and open your mouth and have a conversation with someone new. Be willing to demonstrate some level of vulnerability and openness. You will be surprised who you could connect with. If you already have your gatherers, share some of your hopes and dreams with them and tell them thank you, in advance, for their support this year.

3. Shift Your Perspective– In 2011, I watched Christine Caine speak about the twelve men who were instructed to spy out the land of Canaan (Numbers 13-14) in order to see what the promise land would be like. God had given this land to the children of Israel. Only two of the twelve spies came back with a positive report. The other ten only wanted to talk about how horrible and scary the land’s inhabitants were even though God had already told them they would possess the landg. Christine spoke about the importance of shifting your perspective when faced with the good and the bad and choosing to see it God’s way.

If you believe God’s promises for your life but did not see their fulfillment in 2017, you will need to shift your perspective as you go into 2018. Don’t let discouragement or disappointment keep you from walking in your purpose. Instead of seeing the giants and current inhabitants of your future space, see the beautiful fruit that is blossoming and get ready to taste and see that the Lord is good. Your time is coming if you keep your eyes on the right things. Don’t be distracted by the nay-sayers and bubble-bursters. They live under a shadow of their own negativity and don’t want your light to shine or hold them accountable to being good and doing even better. You can shift your viewpoint so that you always keep sight of the His promise for your life.

4. Love Yourself– Everything you see on social media is not real. I repeat. Everything you see on social media is not the truth. (Say if for the people in the back!) If social media rears the ugly act of comparison, remove it’s accessibility and remind yourself that you are wonderful. Look in the mirror and talk to yourself about how talented, beautiful, desirable, intelligent and awesome you are. And mean it! You are not going to do everything perfect and no one is expecting you to. Don’t get in your own way by striving for perfectionism. God said you are His masterpiece. That means you are a work of art!

If you want to lose the holiday weight, set realistic, timely goals that you can work towards so you can feel strong, confident and fit. If you are striving to be like someone else or to look like someone you saw on IG, you’ll fail. Do it because you want to be the best you can be. If you want to meet that special someone, you have to love everything about yourself first- flaws and all. How can you receive love if you aren’t willing to give it to yourself?

There is so much to be done in 2018! I am excited to encourage you on this journey. If you have not already subscribed, please do so or leave a comment.

The blog will continue to grow and I’ll have short stories, more uplifting posts and realness about being a professional single woman that you’ll definitely want to read.

Here’s to an awesome 2018! God bless.

While You Wait

Carrie Lea 1 Comment

“. . . And they went and came into the house of a harlot whose name was Rahab and lay there . . . And the woman took the two men and hid them . . . And, she sent them away, and they departed: and she bound the scarlet line in the window.” Joshua 2: 1, 4, 21 (ASV)

For those who don’t know the story of Rahab, she was a prostitute who lived in a wall in the city of Jericho. She hid the spies Joshua had sent into the city to view the land in which the children of Israel would eventually overtake. They went into her home to appear as commoners and get the scoop on the city.

Rahab immediately knew who the men were and used that knowledge to protect them and hide them from the King’s guards who wanted to kill them. She had faith that the God who delivered them could also deliver her. In return for her kindness and help, she asked that when the spies returned with their army, they would spare the lives of her and her family members. The men swore to protect her and had her tie a scarlet cord in her window as a symbol that whomever was in that home was to be protected during the fight.

After the spies left, all Rahab had to do was wait.

Can you imagine it? You know that an army is coming to your city to plunder and kill everything in it but you have bargained the life of your family to be saved from the destruction. You don’t know the date, time or situation in which they will return. You just have to wait.

If I was Rahab, my mind would have been moving at a thousand miles an hour and thought of every scenario possible. Are they coming in the middle of the night? If so, should I sleep in my running clothes? Should I keep my family here just so we’re ready at a moment’s notice? Will they risk sneaking me and my family out first then come back to take over the city? Would the other soldiers recognize the scarlet cord in the window or come in with swords swinging any way?

I love that the Bible doesn’t discuss what Rahab did while she waited or how long the timeframe was in which she had to wait. We know that the spies had to stay in the hills three days then travel back to camp. The entire army had to cross the Jordan, get circumcised and heal from the procedure then march around the city for seven days. We just don’t know how long this all took in total. All we know is that she had to wait.

Rahab was not your average woman. She had seen a lot and probably heard even more and was used to using what she had to get what she needed. She was also a woman of action and quick wit, so I imagine that this wait time was no walk in the park for her. The faith she had used to hide the men and ask for their protection was now the same faith she would have to draw upon while she awaited their return.

Everyone is waiting for something. Be it a dream job, having a child, buying a house, meeting a significant other, college acceptance letter – the waits seem endless. Ultimately, it’s how you wait that can make all the difference. These next few steps will help you wait purposefully:

Get prepared. Rahab may not have known the date or the time of when the spies would return but she had to prepare her family and her own personal home. Whether this was removing her home of the idols she formerly worshipped, informing her family about the amazing God of Israel or packing up her essentials, she had to operate with expectation of their return. She also had to be prepared for a new way of life. She was going to have a brand new start in a new land with God’s people. I believe that this preparation also gave her hope.

Are you getting prepared? You may have recently encountered someone who will be used by God to help you get to the next step in His plan for you. However, He can’t take you to the next level if you aren’t willing to do the work at the level you’re at right now. If you don’t discipline yourself with the struggles you currently face, how will you handle the new struggles that come with the next level? Preparation looks different for everyone but pray and ask God to show you what you need to do to get ready.

Resist past temptations. Without knowing the time or circumstance in which Jericho would be overtaken, I wonder if Rahab was ever tempted to go back to what she knew because the wait time was longer than expected. She may have had suitors knocking at her door or still pursuing her services every day. It would have been easy to occupy her time with the things of old when she had not seen the manifestation of the promise take place. Instead of falling back into old habits, she had to pursue things that would serve her in her upcoming journey.

Are you resisting past temptations? You can’t move forward if you’re holding on to the past. The past was meant to teach you a lesson that can be used in the new places God wants you to operate in. Memories are reminders of where you’ve been and they are given to us so we don’t have to return to the place we made them just to relive the moment. You can’t relive the past so put your effort into the future. Leave it behind you then use it to propel you forward.

Believe in God’s promise. Waiting can cause doubt which then causes fear and disbelief. The scarlet cord in Rahab’s window was a visual reminder of God’s promise to save her and her family. Who knows if she had prayed for a way out before hand and God sent the spies as an unlikely answer to her prayer. Regardless, when her faith waned and she doubted if they were still returning, she had a visual reminder that she would be saved. I do believe that that scarlet cord was also a foreshadow of the blood that would save all of our lives one day through Jesus Christ since Rahab was in the lineage of Christ. Just as it had previously protected the homes of the children of Israel when they were slaves in Egypt and the angel of death passed over the land, it now protected Rahab’s home from the death that would ensue in Jericho. That symbol was a promise that she could rely on during the wait time.

Are you believing in God’s promises? Perhaps He spoke to you or gave you a vision in a dream. When you are discouraged and doubt starts to creep in, hold on to the words spoken to you or the vision you’ve seen. Write it down or choose something to symbolize the promise. Reference these items whenever you need a reminder because the wait feels as if it has run on too long. He who promised is faithful!

Joshua tells us that in the end, Rahab and her family were saved. She then went on to marry, have a family in which eventually came the Savior, Jesus Christ.

You may not know the ending to your story but you can know the One who does. No wait is ever too great for Him. Be encouraged and realize that He has orchestrated an amazing plan for your life. He knows what you need and has your best interest at heart. Continue forward in faith and peace knowing that the ultimate Writer is crafting your story. Wait on him and be of good courage.

Victory in the Battle

Carrie Lea

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Ephesians 6: 12 NIV

When I was a little girl, I made the mistake of watching A Nightmare on Elm Street. My sister and I were having a sleepover with our neighbor who was more like a second sister because we all grew up together with only a fence separating our homes. It was nothing new to find us over one another’s house playing in the yard or learning the latest dances.

One night, we had the bright idea to watch a horror movie and A Nightmare on Elm Street was the winning selection. My neighbor had already watched it and said it wasn’t that scary. As the youngest of the crew, I didn’t want to come off like a wimp so I agreed to watch it even though I saw my mother’s face warning me not to watch. I had never seen a scary movie before and was still terrified of listening to Michael Jackson’s Thriller. Watching the music video was practically torture and I always covered my eyes or stopped watching when Michael started to transform into a dancing zombie.

How I made it through watching Freddy Krueger’s wrinkled skin and his claw-glove slash through unsuspecting neighborhood kids, I’ll never know. His whole premise was to stalk kids in their dreams and kill them in order to seek revenge on their parents who had burned him alive. This was heavy stuff for the 80’s and I was not prepared for the nightmares that followed.

I slept okay that night because I was sandwiched in between my sister and pseudo-sister on our floor pallet. We closed all the curtains in the room and double-checked to make sure all the doors were locked. I figured that if Freddy somehow got into the room, I could get away before he had a chance to slash me. (This might have been at the sacrifice of my sister who was positioned closest to the door but that was a sacrifice I was willing to make at the time. Priorities people.) I secretly thought my sister could defeat anything because she never seemed to be afraid of any one, not even the neighborhood dogs. However, when I got home and tried to sleep in my own bed in my big, dark, scary bedroom, I was at a loss. I would do my best to sleep with my sister or bargain my way into my parents bedroom with the hopes of a Freddy-less night’s sleep. I figured my parents could pray any scary thing away.

One Sunday, I was sitting with my parents in the grown-up church service instead of the children’s service. Our Assistant Pastor was speaking on spiritual warfare. When he explained that we are battling more than mere humans in this life, my ears perked up. Did he know that Freddy Krueger was after me in my dreams and I barely escaped each night? Had he seen A Nightmare on Elm Street too and had bad dreams? What was he doing to get over them?

He went on to read Ephesians 6:12-17 about putting on the whole armor of God. He described each piece of armor and the power we would walk in if we would only guard ourselves with this armor. My eyes got big and I thought, why had mommy and daddy never told me that we had an armor we could wear to fight the enemy? Could anyone wear this? Did it come in kid sizes?

That night, I asked my parents to pray for me before I went to sleep. I was still scared and couldn’t shake the fear that I knew what awaited me when I fell into a deep sleep. Later that night, I awoke with a start because Freddy was after me again. Did this guy not have anything better to do? Was I the only child he tormented night after night?

That’s when the sermon about the armor of God came to my mind.

I jumped out of bed and went into battle mode. I was an avid watcher of Thunder Cats (even though my mom would mute the television when they summoned the Eye of Thundera. There was not going to be any summoning of anything but the Holy Spirit in our household.) I also loved watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I felt like I could fight any enemy after seeing Michelangelo eat pizza and help defeat Shredder. I was ready to fight the very danger that tormented my mind at night and new just the thing I needed.

I suited up by starting with the belt of truth. I then added my breastplate of righteousness and put on my shoes of peace. I grabbed my shield of faith then placed my helmet of salvation on my head. I picked up by bible which was my sword of the Spirit. In my head, I was outfitted like a warrior who was ready to defeat anything Freddy threw at me. I jabbed and rolled on the floor dodging every move Freddy tried to hit me with. I held my shield up and fought off all his attempts to pierce my heart or slice off my arm. My feet were quicker than ever and I fought with the skill of any major cartoon hero. I went in for the kill with my bible and cut off his head (ok, maybe I had watched one too many action cartoons as a kid). I stood over his body in victory and said, “In the name of Jesus, you must die.” I shot my bible in the air and watched Freddy vanish from my bedroom floor in anguish and defeat.

I got back in my bed and slept soundly for the rest of the night. I never suffered another nightmare after that (I also never watched another scary movie).

I share this story because the same still holds true today. We battle more than flesh and blood but we hold the victory. The devil roams around like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour. His tactics are not always obvious either. He’s too cunning to come at you with the basic weapons of warfare. Instead, he whispers lies about your self-worth while you are getting dressed and looking at your reflection in the mirror. Or he may present an opportunity to compromise with a new project at work which would require you throwing someone under the bus in order to get ahead. He may even flatter you with compliments from that new co-worker who knows exactly what to say about your new shoes or new hairdo when your husband barely glanced at you in the morning.

This battle goes way back. Once the Lord created you for a purpose, the fight began. The enemy doesn’t want to see you succeed and give God the glory. He doesn’t want to see you prosper and buy that new house. Nor does he want your light to shine and inspire others to be whatever it is they are called to be. Therefore, he is always trying to undermine what God has in store for you.

To stay prepared for battle, each day you must put on the armor of God:

  1. Belt of Truth: When lies about how you’re not attractive or how nobody cares about you infiltrate your thoughts, fasten on the belt of truth and remember that God said you are beautifully and wonderfully made.
  2. Breastplate of Righteousness: Your heart is one of your most vulnerable body parts because it is the center of life. All the things you hold dear to you are held close to your heart. The enemy will try his best to hurt you by hurting the things you consider dear. Be it friends and family or pursuits and dreams, he’ll attack each one if you don’t protect it and cover it with the truth from God. Pray over the people and things that matter most to you.
  3. Feet Fitted with the Gospel of Peace: Our feet are important because they lead us on our paths of life. We are meant to move in a forward direction yet our past behaviors and activities can shift our direction and derail us. When tempted to travel back into your past, protect your feet with the readiness of the gospel of peace. Going back can awaken anxiety and discontent. Stay ready to flee danger with quick feet, then seek peace and pursue it. The peaceful paths you’ll follow will lead you away from destructive people and behaviors.
  4. Shield of Faith: The enemy will throw darts of doubt, fear and disbelief to discourage you and keep you stagnant. He doesn’t want you to dream, learn new things and experience new opportunities. When you are feeling discouraged, hold up your shield of faith and stand on the promises of His word. You are more than a conqueror and He who promised is faithful.
  5. Helmet of Salvation & Sword of the Spirit: Our minds are exposed to so much everyday through various avenues such as social media or television. Be selective about what you expose your mind to because in doing so, you protect it from negative influences. If you struggle with lustful thoughts, listening to R. Kelly’s 12 Play is probably not the best idea. If you have feelings of hatred towards another race or political group, watching the news non-stop will most likely feed the wrong thought patterns. Turning off the TV never hurt anybody. Instead, spend time in the word of God so you know how to combat the propaganda that is aimed at your mind. Your mind is one of the greatest gifts which makes it the hardest to protect. Put good in, get good out.
  6. Pray: I believe this is one of the most dangerous weapons we can yield against the enemy. He’ll do everything in his power to stop you from talking to God because he doesn’t want you to develop your own personal relationship with Him. Praying doesn’t have to be some sanctimonious experience. Just as you talk to your friends, talk to God. He’ll reveal His true character and open your eyes to His constant existence in your life.

The next time you face a difficult situation or feel like you’re under attack, go to battle like that young girl in the bedroom fighting Freddy Krueger. She was fearless and victorious because she knew she was guarded in God’s best. Put on the whole armor of God and go in for the kill because you’ve already got victory on your side. The great I AM has never lost a battle and the enemy already knows he’s defeated. Move forward with that truth and no battle you face will ever be the same.

Single for the Holidays

Carrie Lea

It’s holiday season! Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s Day are one right after the other. It always seems like as soon as Halloween is over, the year shifts into fifth gear and the days speed by. One minute you are picking at left over candy corn and the next, you are trimming your Christmas tree.

The holidays aren’t always a joyful time for everyone, especially for some of my single cohorts. I have been doing this single walk for years now and have learned to make the most of the holiday season by creating awesome memories and experiences with the amazing people God has placed in my life. I want to pass along some of the tips and tricks that have helped me stay joyful during this time of year. Hopefully, these will make your holidays enjoyable, not just tolerable.

1. Volunteer/Get Involved in your Community – Get yourself off of your mind by channeling your efforts into making someone else’s season more memorable.

    • Go to your local church, shelter or community center and find out about how you can volunteer to distribute Thanksgiving or Christmas meals to those in need. You can also visit retirement centers or nursing homes and spend time with those who may not have family in the area. A conversation and a smile can go a long way.
    • You could also volunteer at a pet shelter. Our furry friends need love and affection this time of the year too. You’ll benefit just as much as they will from soft belly rubs and cuddles.
    • If you can’t physically be present, make a monetary donation to a non-profit of your choice.

2. Host your own holiday gathering – if you can’t leave for the holidays, bring them to you. There is always at least one other person who needs plans this time of the year. Join together and host your own event!

    • Christmas Brunch is always a good idea. Why not host a brunch with your closest peeps? Make it a potluck and ask people to bring their favorite brunch dish. They could also bring their favorite holiday tale or most memorable holiday moment and share it with the group.
    • Old School Game Night- who doesn’t love playing games and laughter? There is sure to be plenty of both when you bring out the Monopoly, Checkers board, Spades or Uno. If those sound ancient to you, you could also play some modern games like Mafia or Heads Up!

3. Invite yourself to the party – if your close friends have family coming in town, ask if you can join them. Your friends may not realize that you don’t have plans. They may also assume that you wouldn’t want to be around somebody else’s wacky family. Show them the opposite!

    • Don’t arrive empty-handed. Take a dessert (if you can cook) or a bottle of something (if cooking is not your strength). Just ask if they are drinkers or not (Martinelli’s Sparkling Cider is the church-version of popping bottles).
    • Wear stretchy pants- Often times, being one of the non-family members at the party means you get treated extra special. You may even get an extra helping of Aunt Joann’s famous peach cobbler. (Don’t be surprised if someone wants to play match maker too.)

4. Enjoy the Arts – you may have extra time on your hands. Why not make the most of it by enriching your mind and catching up with culture?

  • You can finally read that book that has been sitting on your bedside table.
  • Visit that museum that you have heard so much about. (Check the open hours online before you go.)
  • Binge watch every show you’ve heard about but were too busy working to catch during the season.

5. Create a Vision Board – what do you want to accomplish for 2018? Break out the arts and crafts and visually speak your dreams into existence for the upcoming year. This may also help you realize what you value and what remains of importance in your life.

Whatever you decide to do, do it with an expectant and joyful heart. You never know what could come out of you stepping outside of your comfort zone. It may be a networking opportunity or a moment to bless others.

I pray you have a rich and enjoyable holiday season!