Based on a true story

LINDA

Linda turned over and stared at the alarm clock. The red numbers looked slightly blurry and she squinted to see if it really said 5:00 a.m. or if she was dreaming. She remembered a time when she would get excited to hear her alarm go off. Today, she wondered if she could squeeze in fifteen more minutes of sleep. Passengers would be waiting as soon as she turned on her app. Let them wait.

Her dog Scotty, however, was in no mood to let her sleep and whimpered at the foot of her bed. When she didn’t move, he took the corner of her duvet into his mouth and dragged a portion of it off her body. Her foot was exposed and hanging off the side of the mattress. He licked the bottom of it.

“I remember when I used to think that was cute,” She said as she swung both legs off the side of the bed and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. “Thank you Jesus for waking me up this morning and starting me on my way,” she mumbled, stretching both her arms high above her head. Scotty bounced around anxiously at her feet. She reached down to give him a scratch behind his pointed ears before grabbing her cell phone from her nightstand and walking into the bathroom.

Her phone screen read 5:15 a.m. which means her day was about to start in 45 minutes. She sat down and started her daily ritual of checking her email hoping to see a note from her lawyer before she aimlessly scrolled through her Instagram feed. There was nothing from her lawyer but she did see that her mom had forwarded her a daily devotional about God’s timing.

“Yeah, it sucks.” She immediately swiped the email to the left and hit the red delete button. The last thing she wanted to read about was the Almighty and His sovereign timing. His timing has not been on time for me, so what’s the point?

Scotty whined and laid down in the doorway of the bathroom. His long, lean body and black hair was in stark contrast to the sand colored hardwood floors.

“I hear you and yes, we’re going out. Just let me wash my face and brush my teeth so I don’t scare the neighbors.” Scotty jumped up and ran in a circle to show his excitement only stopping to lick his front paws and scratch his nose. “I guess its time for you to be groomed.” Like you’ve got money for that. 

Linda looked in the mirror at her wild hair and almond-shaped eyes and sighed. This is not how she saw the year panning out. There was a time when there was a light in her eyes and she felt that light vibrating through her entire body. It was driven by a joy that bounced around inside of her and she worked to contain it so people wouldn’t consider her annoying. That light had recently burnt out and here she was with sagging shoulders, dim eyes and dull, fuzzy hair. Oh, how times have changed.

She tied a purple scarf around her hair to help tame it and make it presentable before going outside for Scotty’s walk. Her heart-shaped curly cut was losing its shape and in need of a deep condition treatment. She attempted to rearrange the curls that fell to her eyebrows as a makeshift bang then threw on her favorite workout pants with her old Berkeley t-shirt and an oversized cardigan. As she headed towards the door, Scotty was already waiting with his stump of a tail wagging frantically as he glanced back and forth between her and the door. She grabbed a poop bag and a banana before heading out the door. The morning was still dark except for the street lights that light the sidewalks. She stood on her porch and was about to pull her hoodie up when she realized the weather wasn’t as cool as she expected. Scotty had already ran ahead across the street. It was easier to walk him without a leash in the mornings because no other dogs were out for their morning stroll and he had a free reign of the sidewalks.

After returning from her the walk, the clock read 5:50 a.m. She dumped food into Scotty’s bowl and brought him fresh water. “Be good for mommy today, ok?” She said and rubbed his head. He started chomping on his breakfast and only stopped to look up when he heard the jingle of her keys as she grabbed them. She glanced down at her watch as she locked the door. “5:59 a.m. Not bad Miss Linda.”

She turned on her app as she walked towards the car and immediately received an alert for a passenger pick up in the Oakland.

She curved her Toyota Corolla through the streets and enjoyed the silence of the morning. She wasn’t a morning person but the morning rides were often the best ones for making money. She tried to remain nondescript so her passengers wouldn’t feel obligated to make conversation or concerned about taking calls in front of her. She was the invisible, hired help and that’s how she preferred it.

The sun was just starting to peak above the horizon which made the sky a gorgeous blend of orange, yellows, reds and blues. Her GPS instructed, “In 800 feet, turn left onto Vermont Ave.” As Linda turned left, she immediately saw a young woman standing to her right. “Your destination is on your right.”

Linda stopped abruptly so she wouldn’t pass the passenger. She learned the hard way that passing the customer and making them walk a few steps made them irritable and affected her rating. She put the car in park, popped the trunk and immediately jumped out to help the woman load her luggage into the car.

“Good morning! Abigail?” Linda said as came around the back of the car. Before she could reach down to grab the woman’s luggage, it was already hauled into the trunk. “I’m Linda.

“Yep, that’s me. G’morning Linda,” she said with a soft smile on her face. “I hope you don’t mind me coming out to the street to wait on you. I didn’t want you to have to drive up that steep driveway.”

“Oh, I don’t mind,” Linda replied. She eyed the woman’s black four-inch heels and Louis Vuitton bag as she turned to go open the backseat door. How did she get down that driveway with those heels and these bags?

“Are you headed to the airport. Traveling for work this morning?” Linda was not sure why she asked considering all she cared about was the fact that this trip was going to be an expensive ride and she could probably pick up another passenger to head back this way which would be the equivalent to two hours worth of rides on a normal day. Jackpot! She got int the car and checked the airport destination on her GPS.

“Something like that,” Abigail answered. Linda watched her buckle herself in and situate her purse and travel bag on the seat next to her. She had perfectly manicured nails and a curly, light brown mane of hair that sat right about her shoulders. Each curl was perfectly shaped and fell in it’s proper place. She wore a black cardigan with cropped jeans that had a slight tear in one of the knees. A large, silver necklace decorated her collarbone and complimented her simple, diamond stud earrings. She had a creamy, smooth complexion that reminded Linda of hot cocoa. Her dark eyes had short, thick eyelashes and she had a sheer gloss on her lips. For some reason Linda felt herself smiling at Abigail with a tinge of envy. She looked so well put-together for it to be so early in the day.

“Your purse is beautiful,” Linda said. And expensive.

“Oh, thank you.” Linda picked up on a slight accent.

“Where are you traveling to?”

“Back home,” she replied. “I’ve been here long enough.” She turned to her right to look out the window.

“Where’s home?”

“Nashville.” That’s where that accent came from.

As Linda pulled onto the I-80, she noticed traffic was heavier than normal this early in the morning. A sea of red lights filled the streets as far as the eye could see. “Looks like this may take a bit longer than I thought. I hope you aren’t in a rush.” She snuck a glimpse at Abigail in her rearview mirror.

“Oh, that’s fine. I don’t mind using this time to think.”

Silence fell over the car so Linda turned on her radio. Gospel music from last night’s drive home picked up where it had left off. “Oh, sorry.” She fumbled to change the station.

“I don’t mind that staying on if you don’t.” Linda raised her eyebrows in surprise. She wasn’t used to having passengers who actually wanted to listen to the music she played. Most requested no music. If she was playing gospel, they would ask if she could change the channel. No one wanted to hear about God these days.

“I’ve been needing a little encouragement lately so I had this on last night during my drive home.” Linda wasn’t sure why she shared that info with the passenger. She snuck another glance at Abigail who was still staring out the window. They rode in the stop-n-go traffic while Fred Hammond sang about how no weapon formed shall prosper.

“How long have you been driving?” Abigail asked.

Linda was surprised to have her ask a question. She got the impression that she wasn’t in the mood for small talk and wanted to get lost in thought instead. “Uh, not too long. Maybe a couple of months now.”

“What made you want to become a driver? I’ve heard so many different reasons, I just like to hear all the different inspirations.”

“Not sure inspiration is the word I would use. More like obligation,” Linda responded eyeing Abigail in her rearview mirror. Abigail stared back, waiting to hear more. Linda wondered if she should tell the whole truth around why she started driving and how she needed to supplement her income once she was arrested and denied her right to teach. How could she explain how she was wrongly accused of spitting in a child’s face while working as a fourth grade teacher for the Oakland Unified School District? The very thought of it made her sick. She felt herself getting hot so she cracked the window slightly to let in some air. She wasn’t sure if she would be judged or if Abigail would see her point of view.

“Unfortunately, I was wrongly accused of spitting in a child’s face when I worked as an elementary school teacher in Oakland.” She glanced at Abigail’s reflection again to gauge her reaction. Her face did not changed as she stared back.

“I was dealing with a misbehaving student so I went and asked the teacher next door, Miss Wallace, to witness the conversation. They always train us to involve another faculty member when dealing with escalated conflict in the classroom and she was the closest one to me. We took the student into the hallway to talk. As I was talking to him, I accidentally spit a little and it landed on his face. I apologized and asked him if he wanted to get some tissue. It was only a few dots and he said yes. He went in, grabbed tissue off my desk and we continued the conversation when he came back out. I’m thinking everything is fine but yet, when we go to file the report about the incident and what happened, Miss Wallace says I spit purposefully on the child’s face! I did no such thing. I’m not some monster. I’m a teacher!” Linda could feel her face growing hot and tears burning the corners of her eyes. You cannot cry while you drive. Get a grip!

“Why would I get a witness and follow protocol if I was going to do something like that? The child didn’t even mention the spit in his written document. And then, when he was questioned about it, he said that he thought it was an accident.” Linda’s voice started to raise an octave and gripped the steering wheel tightly while gesturing wildly with her free hand.

“I’m a teacher and have been for the last 12 years. I would never do something as vile as spit in anyone’s face, let alone a student of mine. I just couldn’t understand why she would lie and write a statement in complete contrast to what happened. I was dumb-founded. But get this- I got arrested for it. They called the child’s parents then called the police. The parents said they wanted to press charges, so they put me in handcuffs. I have never been arrested or convicted of anything in my life and yet, they felt the need to put me in handcuffs over this lie. I had to go down to the county jail and they took all my possessions, including my new handbag which somehow disappeared before I was released.” Tears began to stream down Linda’s cheeks. She could remember the shame and embarrassment she felt as the other teachers watched as they walked her out the front doors of the school to the police car. It was an especially hot day and the sun felt like it was burning a hole in her back. The officer who held her right arm just kept looking forward and never made eye contact with her. She remembers seeing his cheeks turn crimson when she asked if handcuffs were necessary. His blue eyes had looked as if they were apologizing as he pulled out the handcuffs and asked her to put her arms out in front of her.

She wasn’t sure why she was freely sharing this story and reacting as if it just happened yesterday. Abigail reached over the seat offering two tissue.

“Why do you think she lied on you?”

“I keep asking myself that over and over again.” Linda grabbed the tissue and began wiping her face. “I still haven’t come up with an answer. I wonder why everyone trusted her word over mine and the student’s. I wonder why they think I would even be capable of doing such a thing. Silly me. I should have seen it coming. I noticed that the other fourth grader teachers weren’t inviting me to dinner on Friday nights anymore. Earlier that particular week, we were supposed to change our boards outside of our classrooms. I missed the morning meeting due to a doctor’s appointment but nobody told me about the switch. I was on my way out when I saw several of the teachers working on their boards after school. I asked Miss Wallace about what we needed to do and she responded with a snide remark about how ‘all of us can’t miss important meetings and still be in good graces’. I wasn’t sure where it came from but I went to the main office to find out what I needed to do.”

“Hmm, interesting.” Is that all she has to say?

“So now, I am working with a lawyer to clear my name so I can teach again.”

“I’m sorry that you had to go through this. I’ll be praying for you because I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you.” Abigail handed her another tissue.

Linda wasn’t sure prayer was what she needed right now. She had prayed and still ended up in this situation. A lot of good that did.

“Thanks,” she sniffed and wiped her nose. “I just keep asking God, where was He in all of this? Why hasn’t He fixed this yet? I’m a Christian. I go to church. I pay tithes. Why me?”

“I’m not sure this is what you prefer to hear right now but, why not you?” she quickly side-eyed Abigail in the rearview. “Hear me out. God never said that we wouldn’t face calamity in this world. He promised us that He would send a Helper and that we wouldn’t have to do it alone. His word says that ‘all things work together for good, for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.’ I know you may be wondering how this could possibly work to your good but He knows. You have to trust Him.”

“How do I trust Him during something like this? Where was He when I was being lied on and handcuffed?” she balled up the tissue and threw it in the empty passenger seat on top of all the other items she had been meaning to take out of her car. The seat held her bible, an old church bulletin, lip gloss and a hair brush and her phone ear buds. She hadn’t replaced her handbag since the incident and was letting things accumulate wherever they landed these days.

“Those are good questions. Have you asked Him those questions?”

Is she for real? “Uh, no. I don’t really talk to God like that.”

“You should. He wants to have open, honest communication with us.”

“You say that as if He will respond.” Linda rolled her eyes. I should have kept my mouth shut. This is getting weird.

“I know it sounds weird but He will,” Abigail said.

Can she hear me?

“We can go to God with anything. The response may be whispered in your spirit or it might come through someone else. Or even a dream.”

“If He cares and wants me to talk to Him, why did He allow it to happen?”

“I don’t have all the answers for you and I’m not saying it’s going to be an easy conversation. Sounds like you’re mad at Him. But you have to hand it over to Him. All of it. The school, your future, your hurt, your anger, your resentment, your bitterness. Give it all to Him. Then praise Him.”

“I think you’re asking a lot.” Linda shook her head and looked to the right and left before stealing another glance in the rearview mirror and switching lanes.

“There is a story about how Paul and Silas were badly beaten up then thrown into a prison. Instead of crying and stewing in their anger, they began to pray and sing hymns unto God. An earthquake shook the foundations of the prison and they were freed. The guard who thought they were gone was about to kill himself but they stopped him and he ended up receiving Christ as his savior. Then he went on to help them and feed them. I tell you this story to remind you that there is power in your praise. We serve a prayer answering God. If you could just give him the situation, He’ll not only Fix it but have a table prepared for you in the midst of your enemies.”

Linda could feel her heart melting as something burst inside of her. “I’ve been going through the motions and afraid to really pray and tell God how I feel. I just want to fix it.”

“It’s so hard sometimes, right? We just want it to be better and we forget who we have on our side. He believes in us and has a plan for our lives, no matter who doesn’t believe in them. I’ll be praying for you. Things will get better.”

“I’m sorry,” Linda blew her nose and felt around in her console for additional tissues, “this is just so unprofessional!”

Abigail handed her a pack of tissue. “Actually, do you mind if I pray for you now?”

“Uh, sure. I won’t bow my head to keep my eyes open but I’m in agreement with whatever you have to say.” Linda was flabbergasted. Is this really happening?

“Okay, I’ll bow my head and pray. Dear Father, thank you for this chance encounter between the two of us . . .” Abigail continued to pray over Linda’s situation, her emotions, her job and the other teacher, Miss Wallace. When she finished, she asked Linda, “Do you know why I prayed for Miss Wallace too?”

“I was wondering why but didn’t want to interrupt.”

“God says we are to love our enemies. While you may not love her yet, you have to forgive her. There are two sides to every story and for whatever reason, she felt the need to lie on you. Let’s let God handle that one and you release freedom when you forgive her.”

Linda rolled her eyes. “Now you’re really asking a lot.”

“I know. Believe me, I know. But God loves her too just like He loves you when you are wrong.” Linda watched Abigail shake her head and put her fingers to her temples.

“This is heavy. I wasn’t planning to deal with this today.” She tried to smile to show her appreciation for the guidance and encouragement.

“We only hinder ourselves when we refuse to forgive. It doesn’t mean you can’t still be mad but you can’t hold anything against her in your heart.”

“I need to work on that,” Linda wiped her face one last time. “Which airline?”

“Oh! I didn’t realize we were here so soon. United.” She heard Abigail rip a piece of paper.

“I don’t know what to say to you,” Linda laughed and felt the warmth of the sun on the left side of her face. “I just can’t believe that we met. What’s the chance of this happening? Can I hug you when we get out? I’ve never asked a stranger for a hug but I feel like that’s the only appropriate response.”

“I think we’re past the stranger point. And yes, I would love that.”

Linda guided the car to the drop off area, threw it in park then jumped out to grab Abigail’s luggage from the trunk. As soon the luggage was out, she grabbed Abigail, wrapped her arms around her then swayed back and forth.

“You really blessed me and gave me a new perspective. Thank you!”

“I’m glad God put us together this morning. It helped me just as much as it did you.” Abigail pulled up the handle on her suitcase and turned to enter the airport. She turned back to give Linda a wave before the sliding doors closed behind her.

Linda stood there with one hand raised and the other laying on her heart. As she got in her car, she checked in her backseat per her usual routine to make sure the passengers hadn’t left anything. Abigail’s purse was sitting on the seat.

“Aw man, she left her purse,” she murmured as she reached back to grab it. When she picked it up, it felt extremely light. She saw that it was unzipped and looked in to see a piece a paper. She took the paper out and on it was a note that read, “This is for you to carry when you go back to teaching. It holds everything!”

Linda sat holding the purse as tears slid down her cheeks.

 

ABIGAIL

Abigail turned over and stared at the ceiling. She was still on Central time and could not sleep much later than five a.m. when she came out west. She had barely slept the previous night because the room was a bit warmer than what she preferred. She decided to get up to get ready for her flight. She tiptoed down the hallway, trying to be quiet when she came out the bathroom after taking her shower.

“I’m not sure I can continue doing this.” She stopped in her tracks in the hallway on her way back to the other bedroom and saw him sitting on the floor in the doorway of his bedroom.

“Doing what?” she was surprised that he was already awake.

“This. This distance. Your work schedule. You leaving after us only having a few days together. You sleeping in a different room for religious reasons. All of it.” He put up air quotes when he said “religious.”

“We talked about this last time I was here. You left to pursue your career. I agreed to come visit if I could have my own room. You know where I stand on intimacy.” Especially without a ring. “I just got a publishing agent. Now, all of a sudden, you can’t do this?” She put her hands up in air quotes when she said “do this” and went back into the bathroom to do her hair.

“There you go. Making your life seem more important than mine and throwing your success in my face.” He followed behind her and leaned his left shoulder on the door frame as he watched her twirl her curls around her fingers.

“Nobody is making anything more important than anything. You brought this up.” She pushed pass him in the doorway and went back to her room to pull on a cardigan.

He followed behind her. “I just don’t understand why you can’t do your job out here.”

“The same way you couldn’t do what you do back home. You didn’t want to.”

“I thought you supported me. I just haven’t found the right investors yet. Is this about me not making enough money to support us? I bought you this bag!” He picked up the designer handbag he had surprised her with last year on her first visit out west. She had foolishly expected a ring. “You on the other hand, you’re just chasing some dream you think God gave you. Nobody even reads your work.”

His words smacked her across the face and she felt like she had been punched in her stomach. She stopped and stared at him. He needed a haircut and his sweatpants were a bit too short for his long legs. She looked around the room at the bed without a headboard and the floor fan tilted up towards the ceiling making a soft, purring sound. He was into athletic sneakers and his pairs of shoes, some of which she had bought for birthdays or just-because moments, lined the perimeter of the bedroom wall. The bedside lamp sat on the floor with no lampshade.

She looked him in his eyes and shook her head.

“I didn’t mean it like that. I just. just-“

“No, I know exactly what you meant.” Abigail zipped up her luggage and looked at her phone. It read 6:00 a.m. She requested a ride to the airport through her transportation app.

“Abby! Is this a time to be on your phone? Don’t do this. I didn’t mean it like that.” He pulled at her arm to try to stop her from grabbing her shoes. “Why are you leaving so early? Your flight is not for another three hours. We need to talk.”

She yanked her arm away. “Don’t touch me. You have said enough.” She grabbed her luggage and walked towards the door.

“I’m just a bit frustrated that you’re leaving. There’s no reason to overreact.” He rolled his eyes and sat on the back of the couch.

Abigail felt the hairs on the back of her neck rise. She rolled her head around and let her shoulders rise and fall before she bent over to put on her shoes.

“Oh, so you mad? Now you want to act like I’m getting on your nerves?” He got up and walked towards the kitchen. He had put on house slippers that made a constant slapping sound with each step he took across the linoleum flooring.

I’ve got to get out of here now. 

“Abby, why are you acting like this?” He stuck his head behind the refrigerator door so all she saw were his legs and bottom sticking out.

She reached for the door knob but before she touched it, she turned around, “My name is Abigail!” She open the door and slammed it as she walked out.

She hurried down the apartment’s drive, which was a bit steeper than she had thought, so she slowed her step and began to inch her way to the bottom. Her ride pulled up just as she got to the street.

It was a black Toyota Corolla that stopped suddenly once the driver saw her. She saw that her driver had a purple scarf tied around her head with big thick curls sticking out the top, giving her a bohemian vibe.

I wish my hair would do that.

She heard the trunk pop and immediately grabbed her suitcase and tossed it in. She was willing to do whatever it took to get in the car and get on the road. She needed to get as far away as possible as quickly as possible.

“Good morning! Abigail?” her driver came around the back of the car and looked for Abigail’s bag. “I’m Linda.”

“Yep, that’s me. G’morning Linda,” she said. “I hope you don’t mind me coming out to the street to wait on you. I didn’t want you to have to drive up that steep driveway.”

“Oh, I don’t mind. Are you headed to the airport. Traveling for work this morning?”

Is this one of those Chatty Kathy drivers? “Something like that,” Abigail answered getting into the car.

“Your purse is beautiful.” Abigail watched her fasten her seatbelt and put the car in drive.

“Oh, thank you.” Abigail looked at her purse and saw him.

“Where are you traveling to?”

“Back home,” she replied. “I’ve been here long enough.” She looked out the window hoping to signal that she wasn’t interested in keeping conversation.

“Where’s home?”

“Nashville.” Perhaps one-worded answers will give a hint.

Linda came to a stop once she merged onto the freeway. All you could see was a sea of red and orange lights.

“Looks like this may take a bit longer than I thought. I hope you aren’t in a rush.”

Abigail kept looking out the window, “Oh, that’s fine. I don’t mind using this time to think.”

Gospel music filled the car, breaking the silence she expected them to sit in for the rest of the ride.

“Oh, sorry,” Linda reached out as if she was about to change the station.

“I don’t mind that staying on if you don’t.” The song playing was one that her favorites that she used to hear at her childhood church. It reminded her of the dark maroon pews and cathedral-like appearance of the sanctuary. She could hear the crinkling from the peppermint candies being untwisted by one of the church mothers right when the church fell silent for the reading of the scripture. She could smell Sister Johnson’s perfume which always reminded her of vanilla wafers. Sister Johnson would see her family every Sunday and exclaim how excited she was to be in the “house of the Lawd” and then squeeze Abigail into her bust and place a kiss on her forehead. Her kisses were wet but she always slipped Abigail a sweet treat in her hand. Sometimes it was a butterscotch or piece of chocolate mint candy.

Even though she dreaded being suffocated by Sister Johnson’s bear hugs, she looked forward to seeing her each Sunday, receiving her treat and seeing her jolly mood. When she lost her husband, who served as a Police Chief, in the line of duty, she would sometimes hum or smile while rocking back and forth as tears streamed down her face during worship service. When asked how she was doing, she would say, “It’s not a good day but no weapon formed shall prosper!”

Abigail closed her eyes and listened to the words wash over her. Her phone buzzed repeatedly but she ignored it, knowing who it was.

A honk from an angry driver snapped her back to the present as Linda said, “I’ve been needing a little encouragement lately so I had this on last night during my drive home.” A frown flitted across her face.

Don’t we all? “How long have you been driving?” Abigail asked.

“Uh, not too long. Maybe a couple of months now.”

“What made you want to become a driver? I’ve heard so many different reasons, I just like to hear all the different inspirations.” Abigail wanted to keep her talking so she wouldn’t be tempted to look at her phone.

“Not sure inspiration is the word I would use. More like obligation.”

Abigail looked at Linda through the rearview mirror and noticed for the first time the sadness that stared back at her.

“Unfortunately, I was wrongly accused of spitting in a child’s face when I worked as an elementary school teacher in Oakland.” Linda paused and caught her eye. Abigail stared back waiting to hear the rest of the story.

“I was dealing with a misbehaving student so I went and asked the teacher next door, Miss Wallace, to witness the conversation. They always train us to involve another faculty member when dealing with escalated conflict in the classroom and she was the closest one to me. We took the student into the hallway to talk. As I was talking to him, I accidentally spit a little and it landed on his face. I apologized and asked him if he wanted to get some tissue. It was only a few dots and he said yes. He went in, grabbed tissue off my desk and we continued the conversation when he came back out. I’m thinking everything is fine but yet, when we go to file the report about the incident and what happened, Miss Wallace says I spit purposefully on the child’s face! I did no such thing. I’m not some monster. I’m a teacher!”

Abigail saw tears form in the corner of Linda’s eyes and felt her heart soften. She started going through her bag to look for tissue as Linda continued talking.

“Why would I get a witness and follow protocol if I was going to do something like that? The child didn’t even mention the spit in his written document. And then, when he was questioned about it, he said that he thought it was an accident. I’m a teacher and have been for the last 12 years. I would never do something as vile as spit in anyone’s face, let alone a student of mine. I just couldn’t understand why she would lie and write a statement in complete contrast to what happened. I was dumb-founded. But get this- I got arrested for it. They called the child’s parents then called the police. The parents said they wanted to press charges, so they put me in handcuffs. I have never been arrested or convicted of anything in my life and yet, they felt the need to put me in handcuffs over this lie.”

The tears began to stream down Linda’s cheeks. Abigail reached over the seat with two tissue.

Give her more. 

A chill ran down her spine and her heart started to beat a little faster. What did that mean? She didn’t have anything to give this woman. She was just trying to make small talk. She had two tissue left in the pack. She had her own tears to wipe up.

“Why do you think she lied on you?” Abigail asked as she began sifting through her travel bag to see if she had an extra package of tissue.

“I keep asking myself that over and over again. I still haven’t come up with an answer. I wonder why everyone trusted her word over mine and the student’s. I wonder why they think I would even be capable of doing such a thing. Silly me. I should have seen it coming. I noticed that the other fourth grader teachers weren’t inviting me to dinner on Friday nights anymore. Earlier that particular week, we were supposed to change our boards outside of our classrooms. I missed the morning meeting due to a doctor’s appointment but nobody told me about the switch. I was on my way out when I saw several of the teachers working on their boards after school. I asked Miss Wallace about what we needed to do and she responded with a snide remark about how ‘all of us can’t miss important meetings and still be in good graces’. I wasn’t sure where it came from but I went to the main office to find out what I needed to do.”

“Hmm, interesting.” God, how should I respond?

“So now, I am working with a lawyer to clear my name so I can teach again.”

“I’m sorry that you had to go through this. I’ll be praying for you because I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you.” Abigail handed Linda the whole pack of tissues.

“Thanks,” sniffed Linda. “I just keep asking God, where was He in all of this? Why hasn’t He fixed this yet? I’m a Christian. I go to church. I pay tithes. Why me?”

A sermon Abigail had listened to during her flight out west came to her mind. The Pastor had discussed the character of Paul and his perspective of the hardships he faced in delivering the Word of God. Paul rejoiced over facing calamity and suffering because in the end, it would be for His benefit. The pastor spoke about how some Christians often feel like it’s supposed to be an easy road all the time and he reminded them that rain produces both mud and roses. “Embrace the rain and wait for your flowers to bloom,” he had said.

“I’m not sure this is what you prefer to hear right now but . . . why not you?” Abigail caught Linda giving her the evil eye in the rearview. “Hear me out. God never said that we wouldn’t face calamity in this world. He promised us that He would send a Helper and that we wouldn’t have to do it alone. His word says that ‘all things work together for good, for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.’ I know you may be wondering how this could possibly work to your good but He knows. You have to trust Him.”

“How do I trust Him during something like this? Where was He when I was being lied on and handcuffed?” Abigail watched Linda crush the tissue in her hand and throw it in the seat for emphasis.

“Those are good questions. Have you asked Him those questions?” God help me with this.

“Uh, no. I don’t really talk to God like that.”

“You should. He wants to have open, honest communication with us.”

“You say that as if He will respond.” She saw Linda roll her eyes.

“I know it sounds weird but He will.” I thought it was weird the first time someone said it to me too. Abigail wanted to find the words to explain how God cares about even the smallest details of each of his children’s lives.

“We can go to God with anything. The response may be small whisper in your spirit.”

“If He cares and wants me to talk to Him, why did He allow it to happen?” Linda’s frustration was etched on her forehead and her brows were furrowed in confusion.

“I don’t have all the answers for you and I’m not saying it’s going to be an easy conversation. Sounds like you’re mad at Him. But you have to hand it over to Him. All of it. The school, your future, your hurt, your anger, your resentment, your bitterness. Give it all to Him. Then praise Him.”

“I think you’re asking a lot.”

Abigail knew she was asking a lot and while talking to Linda, she was also talking to herself. She wanted to ask God the same questions. She spent more than a year with a man whom she shared some of her biggest dreams and fear, only to find out that he never believed in them or her. She felt foolish and betrayed.

Leave your past, bless her future.

Abigail was surprised at how much of the sermon she remembered and continued to share it with Linda, “There is a story about how Paul and Silas were badly beaten up then thrown into a prison. Instead of crying and stewing in their anger, they began to pray and sing hymns unto God. An earthquake shook the foundations of the prison and they were freed. The guard who thought they were gone was about to kill himself but they stopped him and he ended up receiving Christ as his savior. Then he went on to help them and feed them. I tell you this story to remind you that there is power in your praise. We serve a prayer answering God. If you could just give him the situation, He’ll not only Fix it but have a table prepared for you in the midst of your enemies.”

“I’ve been going through the motions and afraid to really pray and tell God how I feel. I just want to fix it.”

“It’s so hard sometimes, right? We just want it to be better and we forget who we have on our side. I’ll be praying for you. Things will get better.”

Pray now.

“I’m sorry,” Linda blew her nose and began searching in her console for something. “This is just so unprofessional!”

Abigail handed her the rest of her pack of tissue. “Actually, do you mind if I pray for you now?”

“Uh, sure.” She saw Linda’s eyes dart back and forth. “I won’t bow my head to keep my eyes open but I’m in agreement with whatever you have to say.”

“Okay, I’ll bow my head and pray. Dear Father, thank you for this chance encounter between the two of us . . .” She prayed over Linda’s situation, her emotions, her job and her time as a driver. She felt herself get choked up as she spoke against the schemes of the enemy to ruin Linda’s future. She then prayed for the other teach, Miss Wallace. When she finished, she asked Linda, “Do you know why I prayed for Miss Wallace too?”

“I was wondering why but didn’t want to interrupt.”

“God says we are to love our enemies. While you may not love her yet, you have to forgive her. There are two sides to every story and for whatever reason, she felt the need to lie on you. Let’s let God handle that one and you release freedom when you forgive her. Leave her in the past and bless your future.”

Linda rolled her eyes. “Now you’re really asking a lot.”

“I know. But God loves her too just like He loves you when you are wrong.”

“This is heavy. I wasn’t planning to deal with this today.” Linda smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes.

“We only hinder ourselves when we refuse to forgive. It doesn’t mean you can’t still be mad but you can’t hold anything against her in your heart.” Abigail knew she had to practice what she preached.

“I need to work on that,” Linda wiped her face one last time. “Which airline?”

“Oh! I didn’t realize we were here so soon. United.” Abigail pulled out her notebook, ripped out a page and scribbled a quick note.

“I don’t know what to say to you,” Linda laughed and her eyes crinkled as the sun reflected brightly on the left side of her face. “I just can’t believe that we met. What’s the chance of this happening? Can I hug you when we get out? I’ve never asked a stranger for a hug but I feel like that’s the only appropriate response.”

“I think we’re past the stranger point. And yes, I would love that.”

Linda guided the car to the drop off area, squeezing behind a young man who was hugging a woman who looked to be the same age as him. Abigail watched them look into each other’s eyes and smile. She dropped the note in her purse and gathered her travel bag to get out of the car. Linda has already grabbed her luggage out of the trunk. Before she could open her mouth, Linda grabbed her into her bosom, wrapped her arms around her then swayed back and forth. Abigail thought she smelled a hint of vanilla.

“You really blessed me and gave me a new perspective. Thank you!”

“I’m glad God put us together this morning. It helped me just as much as it did you.” Abigail took her suitcase and turned around to head towards the sliding doors. She turned back to give Linda one final wave and saw her standing with a sweet smile over her face.

She walked up to the counter to check her suitcase.

“Welcome to United Airlines,” the customer service representative said, “name and ID please.”

Abigail handed over her info and smoothed on more lip gloss as she waited for her boarding pass to print.

“Miss, you have been upgraded to first class. Here is your boarding pass and your flight is leaving from gate 84.”

“Excuse me?” Abigail said looking at the boarding pass he handed her. Sure enough, it had first class listed with a new seat number. “Um, am I being charged for this?”

“No ma’am. Due to unforeseen booking issues with the flight, you have been selected for an immediate upgrade. The chance of this happening again is extremely unlikely. Is that ok?”

Abigail chuckled to herself and felt tears prick the corners of her eyes. “Yes, yes it is.”

Embracing the new year is often a time of reflection and remembrance of the events that shaped 365 days of your life. You might consider 2017 one of your best years yet due to a promotion or the birth of a child. Or maybe, horrific news changed the dynamic of your world which would cause you to believe that this is one of your worst years yet.

Each incident, big and small, impacts our lives but the truth is, if you are reading this- you’re already blessed because you have lived to see another year. 2017 wasn’t perfect but life never is. The valleys and mountains are just as important as the sunshine and rainbows. Both make you who you are and shape who you are going to be.

Looking ahead to 2018, what will you do different? Each year, people discuss all that the habits they will change in the upcoming year but very few actually discuss how it will be done. How will you achieve new goals, make new memories and be the best you that you can be? I’m all about creating a game plan so I’ll share my how with you:

1. Create a Vision Board– Every year, I visually compile my goals and dreams for the upcoming year. These dreams range from personal to professional and everywhere in between. I pray over my board because it holds the secret desires of my heart. Then, I post it somewhere in my home where it can be a daily, visual reminder of what I’m working towards. I used to hide it or take it down when people came over but now, I leave it up because I’m not afraid for people to see what I want in life. I desire marriage and am joyfully waiting on God to write my love story. I am working toward being a published novelist and writing as a profession vs. a hobby. I am adding more stamps to my passport and discovering the world.

What are you dreaming of? How do you want to change your life and the lives of others? What can you do differently to begin to move in the direction of your purpose? Compile your thoughts and inspirations in whatever form works for you and go after them. Once you put it to paper, it becomes real and you have something specific to strive towards.

2. Find Your Gatherers– Pastor Sarah Jakes Roberts recently spoke about having “Gatherers” in your crew (see the full sermon here) because they have your back spiritually and physically. They may pray for you or lay them hands for you (and I’m not talking the holy kind!). Whatever it is, they support you and your dreams. They are the people you call for encouragement when your back is against the wall and you feel like the room is closing in. They are the ones you see when you have cried crocodile tears all night because what you have been waiting for hasn’t come to fruition yet and your faith is starting to wane. They are the ones who will pray you out of the slump, send you the “good morning, have an awesome day!” text just to start your day off right. They are also the ones who shut people down when they begin to say unfavorable things about you because they don’t want anyone to ever feel comfortable talking ill of you in their presence.

If you don’t have any gatherers, pray for some then get social: get involved in church, try a new Meet-up, join a hiking group or attend a new networking event in your city. Whatever you do, don’t sit at home everyday and wonder why you don’t have friends. Step outside of your comfort zone and open your mouth and have a conversation with someone new. Be willing to demonstrate some level of vulnerability and openness. You will be surprised who you could connect with. If you already have your gatherers, share some of your hopes and dreams with them and tell them thank you, in advance, for their support this year.

3. Shift Your Perspective– In 2011, I watched Christine Caine speak about the twelve men who were instructed to spy out the land of Canaan (Numbers 13-14) in order to see what the promise land would be like. God had given this land to the children of Israel. Only two of the twelve spies came back with a positive report. The other ten only wanted to talk about how horrible and scary the land’s inhabitants were even though God had already told them they would possess the landg. Christine spoke about the importance of shifting your perspective when faced with the good and the bad and choosing to see it God’s way.

If you believe God’s promises for your life but did not see their fulfillment in 2017, you will need to shift your perspective as you go into 2018. Don’t let discouragement or disappointment keep you from walking in your purpose. Instead of seeing the giants and current inhabitants of your future space, see the beautiful fruit that is blossoming and get ready to taste and see that the Lord is good. Your time is coming if you keep your eyes on the right things. Don’t be distracted by the nay-sayers and bubble-bursters. They live under a shadow of their own negativity and don’t want your light to shine or hold them accountable to being good and doing even better. You can shift your viewpoint so that you always keep sight of the His promise for your life.

4. Love Yourself– Everything you see on social media is not real. I repeat. Everything you see on social media is not the truth. (Say if for the people in the back!) If social media rears the ugly act of comparison, remove it’s accessibility and remind yourself that you are wonderful. Look in the mirror and talk to yourself about how talented, beautiful, desirable, intelligent and awesome you are. And mean it! You are not going to do everything perfect and no one is expecting you to. Don’t get in your own way by striving for perfectionism. God said you are His masterpiece. That means you are a work of art!

If you want to lose the holiday weight, set realistic, timely goals that you can work towards so you can feel strong, confident and fit. If you are striving to be like someone else or to look like someone you saw on IG, you’ll fail. Do it because you want to be the best you can be. If you want to meet that special someone, you have to love everything about yourself first- flaws and all. How can you receive love if you aren’t willing to give it to yourself?

There is so much to be done in 2018! I am excited to encourage you on this journey. If you have not already subscribed, please do so or leave a comment.

The blog will continue to grow and I’ll have short stories, more uplifting posts and realness about being a professional single woman that you’ll definitely want to read.

Here’s to an awesome 2018! God bless.

It’s holiday season! Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s Day are one right after the other. It always seems like as soon as Halloween is over, the year shifts into fifth gear and the days speed by. One minute you are picking at left over candy corn and the next, you are trimming your Christmas tree.

The holidays aren’t always a joyful time for everyone, especially for some of my single cohorts. I have been doing this single walk for years now and have learned to make the most of the holiday season by creating awesome memories and experiences with the amazing people God has placed in my life. I want to pass along some of the tips and tricks that have helped me stay joyful during this time of year. Hopefully, these will make your holidays enjoyable, not just tolerable.

1. Volunteer/Get Involved in your Community – Get yourself off of your mind by channeling your efforts into making someone else’s season more memorable.

• • Go to your local church, shelter or community center and find out about how you can volunteer to distribute Thanksgiving or Christmas meals to those in need. You can also visit retirement centers or nursing homes and spend time with those who may not have family in the area. A conversation and a smile can go a long way.
  • You could also volunteer at a pet shelter. Our furry friends need love and affection this time of the year too. You’ll benefit just as much as they will from soft belly rubs and cuddles.
  • If you can’t physically be present, make a monetary donation to a non-profit of your choice.

2. Host your own holiday gathering – if you can’t leave for the holidays, bring them to you. There is always at least one other person who needs plans this time of the year. Join together and host your own event!

• • Christmas Brunch is always a good idea. Why not host a brunch with your closest peeps? Make it a potluck and ask people to bring their favorite brunch dish. They could also bring their favorite holiday tale or most memorable holiday moment and share it with the group.
  • Old School Game Night- who doesn’t love playing games and laughter? There is sure to be plenty of both when you bring out the Monopoly, Checkers board, Spades or Uno. If those sound ancient to you, you could also play some modern games like Mafia or Heads Up!

3. Invite yourself to the party – if your close friends have family coming in town, ask if you can join them. Your friends may not realize that you don’t have plans. They may also assume that you wouldn’t want to be around somebody else’s wacky family. Show them the opposite!

• • Don’t arrive empty-handed. Take a dessert (if you can cook) or a bottle of something (if cooking is not your strength). Just ask if they are drinkers or not (Martinelli’s Sparkling Cider is the church-version of popping bottles).
  • Wear stretchy pants- Often times, being one of the non-family members at the party means you get treated extra special. You may even get an extra helping of Aunt Joann’s famous peach cobbler. (Don’t be surprised if someone wants to play match maker too.)

4. Enjoy the Arts – you may have extra time on your hands. Why not make the most of it by enriching your mind and catching up with culture?

• You can finally read that book that has been sitting on your bedside table.
• Visit that museum that you have heard so much about. (Check the open hours online before you go.)
• Binge watch every show you’ve heard about but were too busy working to catch during the season.

5. Create a Vision Board – what do you want to accomplish for 2018? Break out the arts and crafts and visually speak your dreams into existence for the upcoming year. This may also help you realize what you value and what remains of importance in your life.

Whatever you decide to do, do it with an expectant and joyful heart. You never know what could come out of you stepping outside of your comfort zone. It may be a networking opportunity or a moment to bless others.

I pray you have a rich and enjoyable holiday season!

After talking with a co-worker about Mexican food, I confirmed that I was going to enjoy a meal from my favorite new restaurant after work. It was my form of “fancy Tex-Mex.” I contemplated ordering take-out but once I got home, the weather was still warm and it was a perfect evening to grab my dog, Pepper, and enjoy dinner outside. I had a Groupon that I needed to use before it expired, so I was planning to order a couple items that I could munch on tonight but also take home for tomorrow’s lunch. I was patting myself on the back for being planful and getting the biggest bang for my buck while making the most out of the warm, evening sun.

The restaurant is nestled on a side street of a suburban neighborhood that is slowly starting to blossom with new restaurants and eateries just in time for summer. Since the restaurant is still new to the neighborhood, I was expecting it to be fairly empty. However, as I pulled up to park, I noticed that I wasn’t the only one who wanted to enjoy their dinner outside. As Pepper and I walked up, I saw a group of three enjoying a round of drinks and appetizers. They oohed an aahed over Pepper, introduced themselves then continued their conversation.

There was also an older woman seated at one o the first tables and she had a suitcase, a bottle of coke and a pack of cigarettes sitting on the table next to her sunglasses. She was wearing a wide-brimmed hat sitting low on her head to shield the sun that was aimed right in her direction, casting a long shadow behind her.

I found a shaded table in the back corner so Pepper wouldn’t bother anyone while they ate and I could tie her leash to the short, iron fence that outlined the eating area. Once settled, I pulled out the book I just started to read so I could pick up where I left off after I ordering my food.

As I looked over the menu, I heard the table of three discussing divorce, starting over and embracing a new community. From brief observation, I figured the younger woman at the table was embarking on a new part of her life and the other two were perhaps her older, married friends who were imparting wisdom and encouragement.

Once in a while, the woman with the hat would get up and wander off to smoke a cigarette away from the restaurant but still within view of her simple belongings. She asked for water and told her waiter she was considering ordering something to eat. He brought her chips and salsa for her to snack on while she decided. There was no menu at her table. Every time he came outside, be it to take my order or check on the other table, she would ask for salt or ask a simple question. She ate the nachos slowly and did not seem to be in any rush.

Halfway through my meal, I looked up to see her walking my way with her chips in one hand and her glass of water in the other. She had removed her hat and was now wearing round, rimless glasses that had bifocal lenses. Her blond hair laid flat against her forehead with choppy layers that appeared to have thinned out around her ears and neckline. She had a combination of a mullet and pixie all in one. Her dark sweatshirt was just a tab too big and she wore blue, printed pants and tennis shoes.

“Do you mind if I join you?” she asked.

“No, have a seat,” I replied. The table of three stopped their conversation and glanced at me, then glanced at the woman then back to me again. I moved my plates around on the table so she could sit her basket of chips down along with her glass of water.

“Iwaslonelyandthoughtsinceyouareherealoneyoumightwantsomecompany,” She ran all of her words together as if she had to get the sentence out in one breath. “You don’t look lonely but since I am, I figured you would be okay with me sitting with you.”

The table of three quickly gathered their items and got up to leave. They bid farewell to Pepper and gave me a wave goodbye.

“What’s that your eating?” she asked.

“Just a salad and some plantains and black beans,” I said. “Have you eaten here before?”

“No. I’m still deciding what I want. I’m not really hungry. At least, I don’t think I am. I was eating these nachos but asked him for some salt. He still hasn’t brought it. What are plantains?”

“They’re kind of like bananas but these are fried.”

“I’m Suzanne. S-U-Z-A-N-N-E. What’s your name?”

She asked me mid-bite so my response was muffled.

“Do you live near here?” she asked.

“Yes.” She stared at me as if she was waiting for me to say more. She glanced at my backpack in the chair to my right, her left. I cleared my throat, “I live right off of Port Chicago Highway.”

“How much do you pay?”

“Well, that’s kind of a personal question,” I said with a smile.

“I don’t mean to be personal. My daughter was paying $2000 a month in Walnut Creek which I thought was way too expensive. I’m just lonely so I may say some inappropriate things. Do you have a boyfriend?”

“No,” I replied.

“Too busy?” I appreciated that my schedule was her first guess as to why I’m single. Suzanne made a better assumption than most people I know.

“Not really. Just waiting on the right one to find me.”

She fired more questions my way about where I work and what I like to do. I responded and she nodded slowly while running her eyes all over me. The server came by and dropped off my bill. I took my wallet out of my bag and pulled out my credit card to pay. She glanced at my backpack again then picked around in her basket of chips. I took all the cash out of my wallet while she was looking down and stuffed it in my pocket before putting my wallet back in my backpack.

The server asked if we needed anything else and she asked for the salt again.

“Oh, I brought it to your table before you moved over here.” He grabbed the salt shaker from her table and handed it to her. She started shaking it vigorously over her chips and started talking again.

“I had some fresh bass down in Tijuana but it was a tourist spot. My ex-husband worked for the airlines so we got to travel all over for practically free. I hope you don’t mind me sitting with you. I just want someone to talk to. I’ve been like this for about a year and am starting to get really lonely. I saw you sitting over here and thought you would want to talk to me. You don’t look lonely but I just don’t get to talk to people very often.”

“I don’t mind. Did you want to order anything else to eat?” I started scraping the remainder of my meal into my to-go container. “Would you like the rest of this? I’m not going to eat it?”

She looked at it then shrugged and nodded while taking the container, “I’ll just use use your fork.” She motioned her hand for me to pass her my fork and began to pick around in the container. She took a bite then added more salt. She even attempted to unscrew the top of the salt shaker to get more out.

“You might also like these plantains. Have the last two,” I said and scooted the plate closer to her side of the table. “Are you sure you don’t want anything else to eat?”

“Are plantains really big? I think I’ve seen those at the grocery store. I was staying with my daughter out in Brentwood but decided a year ago that I didn’t want to live there anymore and packed a suitcase and left. Just left. I thought it would be a good idea to travel wherever I wanted to go and have some freedom. Now, I guess I didn’t realize that I would get lonely. I should have stayed.”

“You don’t want to go back to live with your daughter?” I asked.

“She won’t let me.” She started to eat again and that’s when I realized that she didn’t have any teeth on the bottom row of her mouth. She looked off in the distance as she chewed and picked back up where she left off. “I assume it’s because of my drinking. I started drinking again to numb the pain.” She mentioned some term that was as she put it, “in English” another way to say her spinal cord is deteriorating. I’m pretty sure what she said didn’t have anything to do with a spinal cord injury but I didn’t bother interrupting to ask her the name of her prognosis again.

“I had a drink once, some sangria, right after I got out of the hospital and immediately threw it all up. I just told the bartender that I had no business drinking because I’ve been sick. Thankfully, he didn’t make me pay for it. What is in this salad?”

I attempted to respond but before I could fully say “carnitas,” she was talking again.

“It looks like beef. I used to be a mortgage broker and I was good at it too. I need to get back to work soon. I haven’t really recovered from my job loss in 2008. I had a great job. Making six-figures. I didn’t realize that I would need it then. My son-in-law tried to get the banks to reduce what I owed on the house. That’s when they lived in Walnut Creek, where my daughter was raised. They moved to Concord and then to Brentwood. I was in AA but then, when I got injured, I couldn’t stand the pain so I started drinking again. I know I shouldn’t have but I thought I could handle it. I’m trying to quit now. I love the beach. I didn’t care much for LA in general but I loved the beaches. I think I’m depressed. I sound depressed, don’t I? You can hear it in my voice. I think it got worse when I stopped taking my medicine years ago.”

I nodded and said “uh huh” and “really?” in the right places as she continued to discuss her back injuries, buying make-up and different locations she has visited throughout California. As she spoke, I asked God what He wanted me to do in this situation and what I was supposed to say. I didn’t want to make any assumptions but my heart went  out to her. Her demeanor was almost childlike and in complete contrast to how she looked. Her skin had lines and wrinkles as if she spent years in the sun and the lines around her mouth hinted that she possibly spent the same amount of time smoking. Her blonde hair had heavy strands of silver blended in and her right eyelid drooped slightly. I silently asked the Lord to give me words and to guide me in this situation and that’s when he told me to just be still and listen.

She went on to discuss her experiences in AA, how she can’t get in at the nice rehabs and how she doesn’t like to sleep on the street. She complimented me on my skin and discussed the new stores that have recently opened up. She even went on to discuss the importance of having dogs and what type of dogs she grew up with. She would stop talking only to put food in her mouth or ask for a napkin. She emptied the remainder chips in her basket on top of the salad and closed the container. I took that as my cue that she was done.

“Suzanne, we’re about to go but do you mind if I pray for you?”

“Sure,” show bowed her head and closed her eyes.

I prayed and asked the Lord to cover her and remind her of whose she is and give her hope and healing. I peeked through one eye to see how she was responding and she had a slight smile on her face with her head bowed.

As I finished, I I took the cash out of my pocket and handed it to her. Her eyes lit up but she hesitated to take it.

“I didn’t come over here for that. I just wanted some company,” she said.

“I know Suzanne. I want to give it to you.” I placed the money on the table and stood up to gather my things and untie Pepper’s leash. “Thank you for coming over.”

“Thank you,” she said quietly as she watched me walk away.

I’m not sure why God had us cross paths that night. And it doesn’t really matter. There are times when we can bless others and it may come in forms that we didn’t expect. This was my time and I hope His light shined bright.

I am one of those people who thinks of the most random, most dramatic, silly, laughable things and I even say them out loud (most often to my dog). Those who know me semi-well know that my filter tends to be broken more often than not. I decided to capture some of these thoughts for your reading pleasure.

1. Do I smell like bacon?

I love brunching but sometimes, the money spent doesn’t match the satisfaction I get when I cook it myself. Therefore, I tend to throw on the apron and get my own brunch going. A brunch must-have is good ol’ pan-fried bacon (say that slowly). That salty, slightly crunchy goodness can make or break your brunch spread but it comes with a price. It often smells up your entire home. It’s all fine and dandy to smell that sweet scent of pig fat when you are preparing your french toast or even fixing your grits (made with margarine instead of butter or even bacon fat if you’re really from the south). It’s not so hot when you are getting dressed to leave the house and have no one to confirm, “Do I smell like bacon?” Chances are you do and you are running around town thinking you’re cute with the aroma of fried pig on your summer dress.

2. Netflix is the devil.

I was late to the Netflix game. I prided myself on not watching much TV because I was too busy. I have a ridiculous cable package that basically only gives me approximately four channels (yet still cost too much) and I only have it because it makes the internet cheaper. I recently stopped working a part-time styling job because I want to use that time to focus on my writing and building my personal dreams vs. the dreams of someone else. As I started on this entrepreneurial journey, I got Netflix because I was tired of being out of the loop on . . . well, everything! It was going to be pop-culture research which means that I would finally understand all the references on Instagram. I was going to stay on top of what America is watching (well, at least Black America). I have now binged watched “Dear White People” (which I loved) as well as badly written movies with old Black stars that are trying to keep hope alive in their acting careers. I rebuke this distraction.

3. I need to lose 10 lbs. (20) but don’t feel like going to the gym.

Apparently, everyone is talking about eating clean and strength training at the gym (and by everyone, I mean my IG feed). I know being fit is a lifestyle. I have a semi-fit lifestyle that allows me to stay in my favorite jeans but hasn’t exactly allowed me to lose this stubborn 12 (20) pounds that I have been holding on to. I struggle with “treat yourself” and “I’m the only one seeing me naked” or “Taco Tuesdays is everyday.” I know I can do better but right now, I’m not really motivated to do so. I prefer to eat my salad with fries on the side and run 2-3 miles a couple times a week. That’s better than nothing, right? I like the extra junk in the trunk, just not the junk on my arms, knees and middle section. Yep, I’m in denial. I’ll get it together. Really, I will. Must. Stop. Watching. Netflix.

4. Can I still drop it like its hot?

Yes. But my knees will pay for it in the morning. And I’m pretty sure my dog thinks its weird to do that in the kitchen with perm rods in my hair.

5. Thinking of a masterplan . . .

How can I write the book, spend time with the Lord, support her business, save the kids, work out more, serve in church, meet the guy, have fun with friends, visit the family more often, volunteer consistently, keep the hair on point, style on the side, do my nails, listen to the sermon, walk the dog, plan the next trip, attend the conference, catch-up on emails, read the book, cook dinner, wash the car and still watch Netflix? Beyonce and Oprah weren’t built in a day but I have the same 24 hours they do.

Hope you had a good laugh. Comment and let me know your random thoughts!

What do you do for a living? 

It’s a question that is asked often but when you truly think about it, it should be “how do you make a living?” or “what supports how you live?” How you live and what you do is reflective of your true life. A new generation of entrepreneurs, especially women, are doing life by living their passion and letting it drive their ultimate purpose. Its not limited to the confines of a corporate office but instead include blogging, vlogging, creating travel experiences or developing programs that empower other women. Side hustles are the new norm.

Social media is a major platform for those who are trying to carve out a different path. There are pages, posts and pictures targeting new audiences, new dreams and new adventures. Everyone is a self-proclaimed marketer taking pointers from personal branding coaches or image consultants. And, frankly- I’m here for it! No, this lifestyle is not reserved just to millennials. Instead, more and more women of all ages and backgrounds are finding out what they’re good at, speaking into it and living through it. I find myself inspired and encouraged to make my mark while supporting other women doing the same.

Gone are the days where its all about climbing the corporate ladder for that ideal title. Here to stay are the days where you ask, “what are you passionate about?” and “how do you plan on making that your ladder to climb?”

Gone are the days where you stay in the same job forever because it’s too late to try something new. Here to stay are the days when employers who look for more diversified resumes so they know you embrace change, explored your personal interests and can offer a unique point of view based on those experiences.

Gone are the days where you feel like you have to sacrifice romantic pursuits or building a family just to have that ideal career. Here to stay are the women who went ahead of us to set examples of what’s its like to build a fulfilling career without sacrificing anything. They manage a home, a unique familial situation, a job and often times more than one extracurricular activity. And they look good while doing it.

The days of old have turned into bright new beginnings of finding how you can use your gift to make an impact. Give your gift legs and walking into your future with new goals, new destinations and new dreams.

Hats off to those who are living their lives and defying cultural norms even though it wasn’t easy. It’s inspiring and encouraging even though no one may say it. Blood, sweat and tears prove that there is no perfect recipe for the definition of success. The one that looks perfect probably has eggshells in the batter and was overcooked on the first two tries.

Your recipe will be different from the next woman but make sure to keep your faith fresh, mix it with courage, continually sprinkle in prayer and add in bits and pieces of humble. Switch it up until you get it right.

Pull on your big girl panties, adjust your bra and go after what’s rightfully yours.

 

Life happens.

I get it. I just don’t like it.

Weathering the Storm: A major rain storm caused a branch to break from one of the trees in my backyard. In falling, it broke several panels of my fence and landed predominantly in my neighbor’s backyard. I remember hearing a large noise the night before but couldn’t pinpoint where it came from. As I let my dog out the following morning, I saw a blur of a mess on the right hand side of my yard. I didn’t have my contacts in or my glasses on so I had no clue as to what really happened. I initially dismissed it as an issue that my neighbor would have to deal with and went back to bed. After further inspection (and coffee), I realized that it was my fault and I would be the one addressing the damage and under a deadline to get it completed since we both have dogs that roam our backyards. I didn’t know if home insurance was the route to take or how much it would cost to get this repaired.

In Need of a Charge: I had plans for a shopping/dinner excursion with a girlfriend who was in town just for the weekend. As I sat in my car, threw my cute shoes in the passenger seat (because I prefer to drive my stick shift in my flip flops) and inserted the key into my car, nothing happened. Ever since I could comfortably afford paying a car note, I have kept a newish car. So therefore, I have never gotten into a car in my adult years and had nothing happen when I turned it on. I tried multiple times as if one more attempt was going to change the outcome. My windows randomly went up and down without my prompting and my radio came on during the third or fourth attempt. My internal temperature jumped up which made the inside of my already warm car feel like an inferno. I opened the car door and muttered, “Lord, help me.” I sat there trying to think of what could be wrong but quickly called my Daddy since he does well with cars. He advised that it was probably the battery. After having the car for 4 years and it actually being seven years old, the battery is probably dead. He then instructed that I should call the dealership and have them come tow it. I called my dealership and the young lady who answered promptly told me that they were closing in fifteen minutes and instructed me to call roadside assistance for the tow.

As I was running late to go to church the next day, the same scenario ensued. I threw my cute shoes in my passenger seat, stuck my key in the ignition and nothing happened. My shoulders slumped and my underarms started to tingle. My plans for the day were interrupted . . . again. I received a jump from roadside assistance the night before and thought that would hold me over until Monday when the service department was open. I was invited to attend a party after church and was looking forward to yummy food and awesome company. Now, I wouldn’t be able to attend because the party was about an hour away and I had no other means of transportation.

Each time life happened, I found myself in a position of vulnerability because I didn’t know what to do. These situations were unfamiliar territory. As a newer homeowner, I didn’t know how to navigate the waters of repairing a fence shared by you and your neighbors.  I am far from a mechanic and therefore didn’t know that my car battery would go dead soon. I also only own one car and the friend that lives closest to me was out of town. I don’t know anyone that owns jumper cables and the only people I could have called were already at church (they’re normally on time and I am not). I was stranded and didn’t have a quick solve.

I told God, “this is why I need a husband!” Having someone here could have helped me figure out what to do about the fence or he would have another car that I could have used when the battery in mine died. I just needed help and didn’t want the pressure of doing it all on my own. I also wanted someone to understand my issue and offer a word of sympathy or quite frankly, just fix it without me having to do anything. I have gotten so use to sailing through life that I had the nerve to get an attitude when something didn’t go my way.

That’s when God shifted my perspective and reminded me that He was with me in every circumstance and provided all I need. He allowed me to see the positive in each situation:

• The tree branch that fell, didn’t hurt anyone and didn’t damage anything in my neighbor’s backyard. It fell directly in front of their shed. I was able to call my father who offered reasonable suggestions. One of which was an actual solution.
• Instead of going through some long, drawn-out claim submission with my home insurance agent, my gardener cut up the branch, repaired the fence and cleaned up the debris from the storm for less than $100.
• My car went dead in my own driveway. I was not stranded in a public place or the freeway. I was at home and able to make the necessary calls to have someone out to address the issues in a short amount of time.
• The car issues are covered under my extended warranty and staying home allowed me to get some work done around the house and be prepared for the upcoming week’s work.
• If either one of these issues or something similar ever happened again, I know what to do or who to call.

God was with me in each scenario and allowed me to have everything rectified in a matter of hours. He continues to show that He is my source and I must rely on Him for everything, no matter who is in my life.

As long as I keep that perspective, life can happen all it wants.

I woke up this morning to a text from my bestie with a picture of one of my exes and the caption “someone really dodged a bullet on this one, didn’t they?” I couldn’t help but laugh. You would have to know the ruthlessly honest candor that is my best friend’s personality to truly appreciate the text (and also have seen the picture). Everyone has a petty side where they see someone from their past but do a forehead wipe with an accompanied “whew!” giving thanks that you didn’t head down that path. That was the reaction I had this morning.

As I got up to get my day started, I gave it some more thought and the scripture “all things work together for good to them that love God and are called to his purpose,” (Romans 8:28) popped in my head and I couldn’t shake it. It just kept looping through my mind on repeat.

Years ago, that particular ex actually stopped talking to me once I confirmed that the way we used to get down was a thing of the past. There would be no horizontal hokey-pokey taking place on the last night we saw each other. He was actually quite blunt about ending the night and our conversation once he found out that information. Didn’t so much as want to give me a hug once he realized that I was for real about leading a new life of celibacy. It was laughable situation then and remains one now. However, years prior to that, I would have been hurt due to the blatant rejection. Now, I feel empowered knowing that I honored God and my body.

It’s so easy for me to say that I dodged a bullet but ultimately, God did one of those matrix-like tricks where the bullet gets shot but it stops right in front of me and drops to the ground, unable to harm or touch me. I ultimately had nothing to do with it. All I did was seek God and his will for my life. From there he began to twist and turn the events of my past- the sins, regrets and mistakes, and make them work out for my good. I believe that he sent angels to stand guard so that the bullets that are shot are blocked by the prayers from my parents and loved ones. We battle against more than flesh and blood people (Ephesians 6:12).

I don’t want to paint the picture that my ex was a complete jerk. That was a jerk move, yes, but based on our previous situation, he had certain expectations. I understand. Him walking away from me and us never talking again was a properly dodged bullet that was orchestrated by God almighty. I could go on and on about why this man and I were never meant to be but there is no need. I wish him all the best . . . from afar.

I believe that God has had His hand in every area of my life- love life included. He knows what’s best for me and knows how to make things work to my good. Even when I’m disobedient, stubborn or impatient, he knows how to steer the bullet so that it misses me. Sometimes, because of my personal actions, it may graze my leg or the heat of the speed may burn me and it may even hurt for a little while. Thankfully, the pain is never permanent. He’s there waiting and willing to heal my wounds, take away the pain and show me a new, fresh path.

I’m grateful for the dodged bullets, but I’m even more grateful for The One who protects me from them.