Prelude to Victory

Carrie Lea 2 Comments

Lately, I’ve been contemplating my life and career choices. I’m wondering if I am doing what God would have me to do at the time I’m supposed to be doing it. Am I behind? Should I be doing more? Am I working at my full potential? It seems as if things aren’t happening at the time and speed in which I would prefer. One morning as I sat down to have time with the Lord, he put the story of when David was first anointed King in front of me and opened my eyes to see a new perspective on a prelude to victory.

1 Samuel 16:14 – 23 Is the story of when Saul had an evil spirit that could only be soothed and removed when David, a skilled musician, played the harp for him.

Prior to David playing the harp to soothe Saul, he had just been anointed king by Samuel. This ruddy, beautiful-eyed, handsome shepherd boy was chosen as the new king of Israel out of all of his brothers. Yet, after he was anointed, he was sent back into the fields to continue watching over his father’s sheep.

Hold up. How do you go from being anointed as king to having to go back out and sleep in the field with the sheep? How do you go from being told you were chosen to rule over God’s people to making sure each of your Daddy’s sheep is accounted for?

1 Samuel 16:14 says “Now the Spirit of the Lord departed from Saul, and an evil spirit from the Lord terrorized him.” Saul’s servants stepped in and recommended that he have someone anointed come in and play for him to soothe his spirit and provide some relief. Lo and behold, they bring in David, mighty man of valor, God’s chosen, to play for him. Do you think this was a coincidence?

Absolutely not.

The Lord put that evil spirit on Saul so he would need to be soothed. I also believe that the Lord put David on that servant’s mind as a solution to Saul’s agony. God is always working behind the scenes. He places favor on us that puts us in the right places at the right time that He sees fit.

Think about it: David became an armor bearer for the man in whom he would replace as king. This one threw me for a loop. David had to serve the king as an already anointed king before he could officially be king (say that slowly).

It makes sense though. As a young shepherd boy, David was hardly ready to walk into the kingdom and rule God’s people. Nope, God had to put him in a position to serve so he could walk in the purpose that was pre-destined for his life. Being an armor-bearer was David’s prelude to victory.

It’s almost as if God said, “Let me give you a taste of what will all be one day yours. Go on in there and play for King Saul so he will learn to love you while you become familiar with the kingdom and how it works.” God set David up so that not only would he know the inner workings of the kingdom, he would have favor with the people and be in a position to take over right where he was needed.

What prelude does God have you in right now? Perhaps you have been anointed to start your own business, write a book, lead a church, become a leader in your company . . . and yet, you haven’t seen any of it come to pass yet. Maybe you’re working for that guy you don’t really like or you are serving in your church and haven’t heard anything else about what ministry you are called to lead. Maybe the right position for you has yet to open up and you feel like you’re stuck in a role that doesn’t cater to your full skillset and capabilities.

Whatever it may be, have faith that God’s favor is on you and He is readying the circumstances-  just like He did with David. Don’t discount what your prelude looks like. The boss that you don’t like could be the one who recommends you for that new position due to your good attitude and hard work. The work you are doing in church may connect you with someone who knows of a church who needs a new pastor. That side hustle may be seen by the right person who is looking to invest in a smart business venture. Whatever it is, know you are there for a reason, stay patient and humble.

After David was anointed king, he went back to being a simple, patient shepherd boy. While he waited, God put him in a place of service so he could learn and then receive the future blessings that would manifest in his life.

Everything is not always as it seems.

God is always working on our behalf. He has exciting, amazing plans for each one of us. I believe He is going to do exceedingly and abundantly above what we could ever ask or think. Stay in position and watch Him work. Trust His process and lean not to your own understanding. He will reveal your path in due time. You could be living the prelude to your victory at this very moment.

Why Are You Still Single?

Carrie Lea 3 Comments

I’ve been dating.

Who cares? I care.

When you go two years without feeling the excitement that accompanies the anticipation of meeting someone new, to be dating is a bit of a breakthrough. While some of these dates have made me wish I stayed home with my dog watching hair tutorials on YouTube, it has been nice meeting new people and sharpening the dating skills.

I had to let the online dating go. No major reason why. It just wasn’t my bag. Kudos to those who have made it work but I’m not cut out for the random conversation with strangers online. My encounters just left me thinking, “That’s not how this works . . . that’s not how any of this works!”

One thing I have learned so far is how to answer the ever-annoying question: “why are you still single?” Every guy asks it and I’m not sure why.

My initial reaction to this question is, “If I knew that, don’t you think I would have done whatever it is to not be single and not be out here entertaining these type of questions?” complete with an eye roll and mumbling something under my breath (#wayment . . . perhaps the fact that this is my reaction may be the real reason why I’m single *insert thinking emoji here*).

In all fairness, this question is normally prefaced by my date listing all these great qualities that he sees and wondering how I haven’t been wifed up (and probably wondering if I have a special breed of crazy that is waiting to unleash itself). I get it. I know that when I meet a single, Jesus-loving man who has a great job, no kids, is financially sound, is stylish and confident, I will be looking around wondering where the hidden cameras are and if this is some type of cruel, belated April-fools joke (and if not, wondering if I can suppress my special breed of crazy until an opportune time).

I never truly know how to answer that question and quite honestly, it depends on the guy. Here are top 10 answers I’ve given (or wanted to give):

  1. I was with someone for a really long time and thought that was the man I was going to marry. We both realized marriage wasn’t in our future. It took longer than I expected to get over that relationship.
  2. I have gas – all the time. Either you love it or you hate it. Most hate it and kick rocks before I can explain how my stomach is set up.
  3. I’m waiting on God. I tried writing my own love story, more than once, and failed miserably. I decided to put it in His hands and wait to see what He does with it.
  4. I’m refraining from all baby-making activity before marriage. Nothing dries up your dating pool like celibacy (no pun intended).
  5. I’m no longer in the upgrading business. For once, I would like to be upgraded. Teach me something.
  6. I just haven’t met anyone I like. It takes more than looks to pique my interest. I like a man with integrity, confidence, character, presence and masculinity (amongst other things).
  7. I’m picky. Next question?
  8. I have high expectations of what a man should be. My Daddy has shown me what a real man is and I’ve yet to experience that for myself.
  9. I haven’t met the retired athlete who made smart financial decisions, loves Jesus, didn’t suffer a brain trauma and wants to let me write all day while traveling the world whenever we feel like it.
  10. I have an alter-ego named Mercedes and she makes surprise appearances in the car (mostly during traffic) or when I need to get a point across and talking just won’t do it.

Why am I still single? I honestly don’t know the answer to this question. Perhaps its a combination of everything above. Whatever the real reason may be, I’m loving my life and grateful for my personal journey. I trust God and His timing and believe that I am more than my relationship status.

Online Dating: Yay or Nay?

Carrie Lea 2 Comments

I debated on writing this or putting my thoughts into actual words because its a level of vulnerability that I struggle to reveal. Plus, I’m not sure who will silently judge me or whisper about me and my decisions behind my back. Despite all that, I figured there is some woman (or man) that knows what it’s like to be single this day in age and needs to be able to nod in understanding or give a church-wave in solidarity. So here goes nothing . . .

I recently took another stab at online dating. I figured that it’s not as taboo as I make it out to be and it could actually be beneficial. While face-to-face interaction is preferred over digitalized communication, I also understand that this is another means to get to an end. I prayed before I did it and trusted God to do what He has been doing. If the man that I develop interest in is not right for me, he would disappear from the face of the earth just like all the others. (Where they go? I have no idea. I just know that I never see them again after I pray about them. Legit. It’s like God removes us from each other’s paths and they are never to be seen again. Poof, be gone!)

There were several steps I had to follow to kick-start my online dating experience:

Step 1: Set up profile pictures

The app used photos from my Facebook page (side note: I am not a fan of Facebook and prefer Instagram. These apps have got to find another way to tap into who you are) and I added a few more to give a better range of what I look like and what I like to do. I am someone who changes my hair quite often so I didn’t want to pull a “you look totally different than your profile” switcheroo.  I also didn’t want my pictures to make it seem like all I do is eat, travel and try to have new adventures (I know how to take a decent car selfie too). My main concern was looking authentic and not revealing how much of a stretch this was for me or how much I suck at this type of stuff.

Step 2: Answer basic profile questions

I quickly finished the “I am . . .” or “I appreciate when my date . . .” statements because I knew that if I over-thought the answers, it would be obvious. I didn’t want to look thirsty by over-sharing but I also didn’t want to look like I didn’t care. I looked for the right words to come across as sincere and authentically me.

Step 3: Complete your dating preferences

I struggled with the filters for who I would date. In the back of my mind I heard, “Be open. You never know!” but at the forefront of my mind I heard, “As long as he’s not white, loves Jesus and is not old enough to be my daddy or young enough to be mistaken for my little brother (or son) while also having some financial stability (aka a job), no jacked teeth and can hold an intelligent conversation.”

Am I open to dating outside of my race? Yes. But do I prefer a black man? Absolutely. Black men are sought after by EVERY woman and I love them. (Only if all brothers felt the same way about black women. Oops, that’s a different post.) I don’t have a type these days so I actually did include white men in my search. I figured if the Lord wants to send me a Tim Tebow type of fellow, I’m here for it.

Step 4: Publish your profile and get ready!

The problem I had with online dating the first time around was I got discouraged easily. Once the suitors started lining up, I literally questioned my attractiveness because some of the men that reached out to me were just not  . . . my cup of tea (that’s the best way I can say it without sounding full of myself.) Does online dating have an invisible internet wall that gives men the boldness that they wouldn’t normally have in person? I can guarantee that half of the men that showed interest would not approach me if they saw me in the grocery store or having lunch at a cafe (which are perfectly good times to approach) but because we’re online and you see some basic statements about me, you feel it’s ok, huh?

I tried my best to dismiss my previous experience and be present. Four days in, I met a gentleman who seemed too good to be true. He was checking off my preferences left and right. He even had a dog that he adored and we planned to have doggie dates. He was a decent guy who knew what he wanted, what he preferred and what he was looking for.

We went out on a few dates and talked almost every night on the phone. We got most of the big conversations out of the way up front. He believed in Jesus, came from a close-knit family, owned a home, believed in hard work and integrity and was looking for something serious. I even saved his number in my phone (which is something I never do), but that is when things started going downhill fast.

There was just no spark. No excitement in talking to him or being around him after the initial conversations were done. I tried to reason away my doubts because we looked so good on paper. But in person- we just fell flat . . . like, real flat. In time, it was a struggle to have a real conversation about everyday things and he had a strong sarcastic tone that actually came across as condescending (but I actually think he thought he was flirting). He appreciated my outgoing nature but I struggled with his non-adventurous, know-it-all tendencies, ancient philosophies and vindictive personality. By our fourth date, I was waiting for it to be over. I just found myself with a definitive frown on my face whenever he opened his mouth. It’s not supposed to be this hard in the beginning. This is when it should be easy- conversations are plentiful, we are both interested in getting to know one another and there is a “flow” to it all. Not the case here. Orange flags became big, red flags and yes turned to no.

I vowed to not go ghost on anyone (er, anymore) so I had the courageous conversation to end any further communication. I explained that while we looked good on paper, our personalities were not really meshing for this to be something long-term. He said ok and that was that.

Afterwards, I was encouraged and disappointed at the same time. I was encouraged to know that there are good dudes out there looking for something real and not all online dating is a joke. I was disappointed because I wondered if what I’m looking for even exist. (Before you go judging me and saying I’m too picky, stop and ask yourself- are you picky enough?) I completely understand that no one is perfect but I do think there is someone out there who is perfect for me. I have non-negotiables, but I also have a long list of I’m willing to try that.

I tell this story because I wanted to a) give a real depiction of online dating and what happens behind the scenes, and b) give someone hope in trying something new and to not give up even when you may not get the best response the first time.

While I’m waiting for someone to introduce me to that retired athlete who loves Jesus, made smart financial decisions before retirement and left his hoe-tendencies behind (I’m kidding . . . unless you gonna do it), I’m staying open and believing that the Lord is sending me the one who I can grow with, learn from and love on. It may happen online, it may not.

The Ark in You

Carrie Lea

I recently attended the She Speaks Conference from Proverbs 31 Ministries in North Carolina. I was so stoked about the weekend and excited for what I would learn. I remember lying in bed and thinking about the possible outcome of sharing my book ideas and future dreams. I was excited to invest this much time (and money) in my dream.

I sat in a room full of women who were just like me— thinkers who were making doing a reality. I was high on the energy of being surrounded by Godly women who were on a mission to make a new lifestyle out of their God-given craft. While on a different path, we all had a similar calling: to spread the love of Jesus through written and spoken word. It was an amazing experience that truly inspired and reminded me that I am on the right path.

However, it was also a bit overwhelming.

On the last night of the conference, I felt my high coming down. We attended session after session that discussed what you need to do as a new writer, what you should expect, how you can do it, what will be expected of you and why. My mind was swimming and I didn’t really know how to process everything. I felt the urge to cry and smile all at the same time.

Prior to leaving for the conference, I read Genesis chapters 6-8 about Noah and his journey with the ark. This was always a story that I remembered growing up in children’s church and I almost laughed that this was what I was reading. I already knew what happened and felt like I should have been reading something a bit deeper, especially since I was heading out to a new venture. Maybe something by Paul or about the story of Jesus’ time on earth. I wanted God to give me a revelation and didn’t see that happening in the story of Noah.

Little did I know, God was arming me with what I needed after the conference.

As I walked back to my hotel room that night, I immediately went into “figure it out” mode. I started creating lists in my head and strategizing with how I was going to get things done and tackle what seemed like a mountain of a job. I felt my spirit sinking as the list grew longer and the realization of what was required began to sink in. I was starting to question if my writing was really meant to be something for others to read. Was writing a book really for me? How was I supposed to do this, work full time, stay active in my church and have a social life? It all seemed impossible and I wanted to give up before I even truly started.

That’s when God brought Noah back to my mind.

God gave Noah specific instructions on how to build the ark and what it was for. He went over the measurements, materials needed and instructions on how to build it. He also described where the door would have to be, the position of the window as well as how many decks were needed. He included clear instruction on who would enter with Noah and how many of each animal or species Noah had to bring. God even told him about how he would have to gather and store enough food for his family and the animals.

The Bible doesn’t say that Noah was a skilled craftsman or that he built arks for a living. It doesn’t even say that rain had come on the earth before and that Noah knew what that experience would be. It just says, “Noah did everything as God commanded him.” (Genesis 6: 22).

Noah’s obedience moved me. I find it fascinating because my operational, type-A-tendency mind would have went straight into question mode:

How will I know what to do? 

Am I qualified to complete the task?

How long will it take?

Are you going to send me help?

Why me?

I wonder if any of these questions went through Noah’s mind because God was asking him to do something unheard of and it was no easy task. I’m sure people probably thought Noah was out of his mind building this humongous ark, then gathering animals in pairs of two. If Noah had lived in the age of social-media, I’m sure he would have been bombarded with opinionated non-believers who took their own pictures and added smart sayings or phrases to make memes and ridicule his work. I’m sure people made an effort to go by his house or the area where he worked just to see what “crazy Noah” was up to. They probably mocked, ridiculed and planted seeds of doubt with their words and criticisms.

Yet Noah kept building the ark.

I sometimes wonder if some of the naysayers were part of Noah’s own family or friend circle. Did they see the vision that God had given him or were they too busy whispering how unrealistic it was? Did they support his efforts and bring him lunch when he worked around the clock? Did they help him gather materials or make sure that he was able to get a good night’s rest because he had to get to work early before the heat of the day became too strong? Were they tempted to jump on the ark-building bandwagon and show support for someone who was doing something new and different? Did they wonder what the ark was for and what he was going to do with it?

Noah’s ark was a God-ordained instrument that had to be created and used to fulfill God’s purpose. It may have come out of what was presumably seen as no where but ultimately served an important purpose.

You have an ark inside of you. It’s big, grand, new and explicitly for you. Perhaps God has planted a dream, business, book or project inside of you and just needs you to put forth the effort. He may even be waiting on you to humble yourself or submit to His will so he can fulfill His purpose for your life. You’ve let your fear of the process or insecurities stop you from pursuing your purpose. Or, you realize that pursuing this dream means that you will lose the control you think you have over your life. Maybe you’ve even had people closest to you doubt your process because it doesn’t look the way they think it should.

At times like this, recall how God blessed Noah. He gave the animals obedience, made the materials available and gave Noah the physical and mental ability to complete the task. Noah was 600 years old when he entered the ark. Your age, background and situation do not matter to God. Ignore the naysayers and don’t let seeds of doubt take root in your heart. Instead, rely on God and trust His promises for your life. He has plans for you that will not harm you but will instead prosper you and give you hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).

Noah and the ark is no longer a children’s tale. It is a reminder that God is sovereign and able to do above and beyond you could ever think or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). Walk in that power and know that you were created to do great things of which could encourage people thousands of years from now. Someone is waiting on your ark to be built.

Take the Roof Off

Carrie Lea

Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus by digging through it and then lowered the mat the man was lying on.  When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralyzed man, “Son, your sins are forgiven.” -Mark 2: 4-5 (NIV)

This scripture is referencing a time in history when Jesus preached in Capernaum to a crowd of people. Can you picture it? Jesus is in a house or gathering place and is telling them about grace, love and the mercy of God. I imagine the crowd was similar to church on Easter Sunday- you had to get there early to get a seat or even be seated in the overflow. In attendance, there were probably believers who hung on his every word and felt the sweet peace of being in the presence of the Almighty. There were probably people in need of miracles and knew that seeking His face was the only hope they had for recovery. Some were probably curious to see if the rumors they heard were true. Could he really heal the sick and raise the dead? I’m positive there were some who wanted to be in the mix just so they could say they were there. I see people peeking through the windows and spilling out into the street hoping to get a glimpse of or hear from the Messiah.

Four men came to the place carrying a paralyzed man but couldn’t get in to see Jesus due to the crowd. In my head, I imagine that the four men were perhaps relatives or life-long friends of the paralyzed man. Word had spread that Jesus was back in town and they figured this was the best time to get healing for his condition. As they approached the house and saw that it was too crowded to get in, they decided to go through the roof and lower the man down to Jesus.

Think about that.

When they saw that going inside the conventional way was not possible, they decided to go through the roof to get this man healed. Logistically, this had to be a nightmare. They had already carried the man to the house from who knows where. Now, they had to go get tools so they could dig through the roof to create an opening large enough to fit him through it. Once the opening was made, they needed to actually get the man up on the roof. Then, they had to create some type of contraption that would lower him down to Jesus.

The scripture says, “When Jesus saw their faith . . .” (emphasis added). Who is your “their”? Who do you have in your circle that is bold enough, strong enough, innovative enough, wise enough, resilient enough and quite frankly, crazy enough to think, “well, the door won’t work so let’s go through the roof.” Talk about #squadgoals. The verse doesn’t say anything about the paralyzed man calling out to Jesus or one of the four explaining why they were taking such drastic measures. Jesus saw their faith and I believe He saw their hope and heard their prayers.

Again, I ask, who is your “their”? Who you keep around you can be vital to your life. 1 Corinthians 15:33 says “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’ “ Who you allow around you, to speak over you and speak into you can be detrimental to your future. Words have power and if those around you are not building you up with words of positivity, love and joy, you need to re-examine your relationship with those individuals.

A sister in Christ once shared with me that as a single woman, her faith in getting married had waned and she felt discouraged about her future. She wasn’t sure if it was still going to happen and she was losing faith. She surrounded herself by Godly women who held her up in prayer and confessed on her behalf that marriage was still in her future and asked God sustain her while she waited. My sister friend is now a happily married woman who was blessed with a Godly man. Just like the four men, her friends shouldered her burden and took her issue before the Lord on her behalf. I believe their tools to take the roof off consisted of prayer, fasting, worship and tithing- all on behalf of their dear friend. God saw their faith and honored their prayers even when she didn’t have the strength on her own.

If you are waiting on God to move in your life, be it healing, restoration or the fulfillment of dreams, surround yourself with spiritually-minded people who will boldly act on your behalf and have enough faith to take the roof off!

 

 

Chance Encounters

Carrie Lea

After talking with a co-worker about Mexican food, I confirmed that I was going to enjoy a meal from my favorite new restaurant after work. It was my form of “fancy Tex-Mex.” I contemplated ordering take-out but once I got home, the weather was still warm and it was a perfect evening to grab my dog, Pepper, and enjoy dinner outside. I had a Groupon that I needed to use before it expired, so I was planning to order a couple items that I could munch on tonight but also take home for tomorrow’s lunch. I was patting myself on the back for being planful and getting the biggest bang for my buck while making the most out of the warm, evening sun.

The restaurant is nestled on a side street of a suburban neighborhood that is slowly starting to blossom with new restaurants and eateries just in time for summer. Since the restaurant is still new to the neighborhood, I was expecting it to be fairly empty. However, as I pulled up to park, I noticed that I wasn’t the only one who wanted to enjoy their dinner outside. As Pepper and I walked up, I saw a group of three enjoying a round of drinks and appetizers. They oohed an aahed over Pepper, introduced themselves then continued their conversation.

There was also an older woman seated at one o the first tables and she had a suitcase, a bottle of coke and a pack of cigarettes sitting on the table next to her sunglasses. She was wearing a wide-brimmed hat sitting low on her head to shield the sun that was aimed right in her direction, casting a long shadow behind her.

I found a shaded table in the back corner so Pepper wouldn’t bother anyone while they ate and I could tie her leash to the short, iron fence that outlined the eating area. Once settled, I pulled out the book I just started to read so I could pick up where I left off after I ordering my food.

As I looked over the menu, I heard the table of three discussing divorce, starting over and embracing a new community. From brief observation, I figured the younger woman at the table was embarking on a new part of her life and the other two were perhaps her older, married friends who were imparting wisdom and encouragement.

Once in a while, the woman with the hat would get up and wander off to smoke a cigarette away from the restaurant but still within view of her simple belongings. She asked for water and told her waiter she was considering ordering something to eat. He brought her chips and salsa for her to snack on while she decided. There was no menu at her table. Every time he came outside, be it to take my order or check on the other table, she would ask for salt or ask a simple question. She ate the nachos slowly and did not seem to be in any rush.

Halfway through my meal, I looked up to see her walking my way with her chips in one hand and her glass of water in the other. She had removed her hat and was now wearing round, rimless glasses that had bifocal lenses. Her blond hair laid flat against her forehead with choppy layers that appeared to have thinned out around her ears and neckline. She had a combination of a mullet and pixie all in one. Her dark sweatshirt was just a tab too big and she wore blue, printed pants and tennis shoes.

“Do you mind if I join you?” she asked.

“No, have a seat,” I replied. The table of three stopped their conversation and glanced at me, then glanced at the woman then back to me again. I moved my plates around on the table so she could sit her basket of chips down along with her glass of water.

“Iwaslonelyandthoughtsinceyouareherealoneyoumightwantsomecompany,” She ran all of her words together as if she had to get the sentence out in one breath. “You don’t look lonely but since I am, I figured you would be okay with me sitting with you.”

The table of three quickly gathered their items and got up to leave. They bid farewell to Pepper and gave me a wave goodbye.

“What’s that your eating?” she asked.

“Just a salad and some plantains and black beans,” I said. “Have you eaten here before?”

“No. I’m still deciding what I want. I’m not really hungry. At least, I don’t think I am. I was eating these nachos but asked him for some salt. He still hasn’t brought it. What are plantains?”

“They’re kind of like bananas but these are fried.”

“I’m Suzanne. S-U-Z-A-N-N-E. What’s your name?”

She asked me mid-bite so my response was muffled.

“Do you live near here?” she asked.

“Yes.” She stared at me as if she was waiting for me to say more. She glanced at my backpack in the chair to my right, her left. I cleared my throat, “I live right off of Port Chicago Highway.”

“How much do you pay?”

“Well, that’s kind of a personal question,” I said with a smile.

“I don’t mean to be personal. My daughter was paying $2000 a month in Walnut Creek which I thought was way too expensive. I’m just lonely so I may say some inappropriate things. Do you have a boyfriend?”

“No,” I replied.

“Too busy?” I appreciated that my schedule was her first guess as to why I’m single. Suzanne made a better assumption than most people I know.

“Not really. Just waiting on the right one to find me.”

She fired more questions my way about where I work and what I like to do. I responded and she nodded slowly while running her eyes all over me. The server came by and dropped off my bill. I took my wallet out of my bag and pulled out my credit card to pay. She glanced at my backpack again then picked around in her basket of chips. I took all the cash out of my wallet while she was looking down and stuffed it in my pocket before putting my wallet back in my backpack.

The server asked if we needed anything else and she asked for the salt again.

“Oh, I brought it to your table before you moved over here.” He grabbed the salt shaker from her table and handed it to her. She started shaking it vigorously over her chips and started talking again.

“I had some fresh bass down in Tijuana but it was a tourist spot. My ex-husband worked for the airlines so we got to travel all over for practically free. I hope you don’t mind me sitting with you. I just want someone to talk to. I’ve been like this for about a year and am starting to get really lonely. I saw you sitting over here and thought you would want to talk to me. You don’t look lonely but I just don’t get to talk to people very often.”

“I don’t mind. Did you want to order anything else to eat?” I started scraping the remainder of my meal into my to-go container. “Would you like the rest of this? I’m not going to eat it?”

She looked at it then shrugged and nodded while taking the container, “I’ll just use use your fork.” She motioned her hand for me to pass her my fork and began to pick around in the container. She took a bite then added more salt. She even attempted to unscrew the top of the salt shaker to get more out.

“You might also like these plantains. Have the last two,” I said and scooted the plate closer to her side of the table. “Are you sure you don’t want anything else to eat?”

“Are plantains really big? I think I’ve seen those at the grocery store. I was staying with my daughter out in Brentwood but decided a year ago that I didn’t want to live there anymore and packed a suitcase and left. Just left. I thought it would be a good idea to travel wherever I wanted to go and have some freedom. Now, I guess I didn’t realize that I would get lonely. I should have stayed.”

“You don’t want to go back to live with your daughter?” I asked.

“She won’t let me.” She started to eat again and that’s when I realized that she didn’t have any teeth on the bottom row of her mouth. She looked off in the distance as she chewed and picked back up where she left off. “I assume it’s because of my drinking. I started drinking again to numb the pain.” She mentioned some term that was as she put it, “in English” another way to say her spinal cord is deteriorating. I’m pretty sure what she said didn’t have anything to do with a spinal cord injury but I didn’t bother interrupting to ask her the name of her prognosis again.

“I had a drink once, some sangria, right after I got out of the hospital and immediately threw it all up. I just told the bartender that I had no business drinking because I’ve been sick. Thankfully, he didn’t make me pay for it. What is in this salad?”

I attempted to respond but before I could fully say “carnitas,” she was talking again.

“It looks like beef. I used to be a mortgage broker and I was good at it too. I need to get back to work soon. I haven’t really recovered from my job loss in 2008. I had a great job. Making six-figures. I didn’t realize that I would need it then. My son-in-law tried to get the banks to reduce what I owed on the house. That’s when they lived in Walnut Creek, where my daughter was raised. They moved to Concord and then to Brentwood. I was in AA but then, when I got injured, I couldn’t stand the pain so I started drinking again. I know I shouldn’t have but I thought I could handle it. I’m trying to quit now. I love the beach. I didn’t care much for LA in general but I loved the beaches. I think I’m depressed. I sound depressed, don’t I? You can hear it in my voice. I think it got worse when I stopped taking my medicine years ago.”

I nodded and said “uh huh” and “really?” in the right places as she continued to discuss her back injuries, buying make-up and different locations she has visited throughout California. As she spoke, I asked God what He wanted me to do in this situation and what I was supposed to say. I didn’t want to make any assumptions but my heart went  out to her. Her demeanor was almost childlike and in complete contrast to how she looked. Her skin had lines and wrinkles as if she spent years in the sun and the lines around her mouth hinted that she possibly spent the same amount of time smoking. Her blonde hair had heavy strands of silver blended in and her right eyelid drooped slightly. I silently asked the Lord to give me words and to guide me in this situation and that’s when he told me to just be still and listen.

She went on to discuss her experiences in AA, how she can’t get in at the nice rehabs and how she doesn’t like to sleep on the street. She complimented me on my skin and discussed the new stores that have recently opened up. She even went on to discuss the importance of having dogs and what type of dogs she grew up with. She would stop talking only to put food in her mouth or ask for a napkin. She emptied the remainder chips in her basket on top of the salad and closed the container. I took that as my cue that she was done.

“Suzanne, we’re about to go but do you mind if I pray for you?”

“Sure,” show bowed her head and closed her eyes.

I prayed and asked the Lord to cover her and remind her of whose she is and give her hope and healing. I peeked through one eye to see how she was responding and she had a slight smile on her face with her head bowed.

As I finished, I I took the cash out of my pocket and handed it to her. Her eyes lit up but she hesitated to take it.

“I didn’t come over here for that. I just wanted some company,” she said.

“I know Suzanne. I want to give it to you.” I placed the money on the table and stood up to gather my things and untie Pepper’s leash. “Thank you for coming over.”

“Thank you,” she said quietly as she watched me walk away.

I’m not sure why God had us cross paths that night. And it doesn’t really matter. There are times when we can bless others and it may come in forms that we didn’t expect. This was my time and I hope His light shined bright.

Musings of a Single Woman

Carrie Lea

I am one of those people who thinks of the most random, most dramatic, silly, laughable things and I even say them out loud (most often to my dog). Those who know me semi-well know that my filter tends to be broken more often than not. I decided to capture some of these thoughts for your reading pleasure.

1. Do I smell like bacon?

I love brunching but sometimes, the money spent doesn’t match the satisfaction I get when I cook it myself. Therefore, I tend to throw on the apron and get my own brunch going. A brunch must-have is good ol’ pan-fried bacon (say that slowly). That salty, slightly crunchy goodness can make or break your brunch spread but it comes with a price. It often smells up your entire home. It’s all fine and dandy to smell that sweet scent of pig fat when you are preparing your french toast or even fixing your grits (made with margarine instead of butter or even bacon fat if you’re really from the south). It’s not so hot when you are getting dressed to leave the house and have no one to confirm, “Do I smell like bacon?” Chances are you do and you are running around town thinking you’re cute with the aroma of fried pig on your summer dress.

2. Netflix is the devil.

I was late to the Netflix game. I prided myself on not watching much TV because I was too busy. I have a ridiculous cable package that basically only gives me approximately four channels (yet still cost too much) and I only have it because it makes the internet cheaper. I recently stopped working a part-time styling job because I want to use that time to focus on my writing and building my personal dreams vs. the dreams of someone else. As I started on this entrepreneurial journey, I got Netflix because I was tired of being out of the loop on . . . well, everything! It was going to be pop-culture research which means that I would finally understand all the references on Instagram. I was going to stay on top of what America is watching (well, at least Black America). I have now binged watched “Dear White People” (which I loved) as well as badly written movies with old Black stars that are trying to keep hope alive in their acting careers. I rebuke this distraction.

3. I need to lose 10 lbs. (20) but don’t feel like going to the gym.

Apparently, everyone is talking about eating clean and strength training at the gym (and by everyone, I mean my IG feed). I know being fit is a lifestyle. I have a semi-fit lifestyle that allows me to stay in my favorite jeans but hasn’t exactly allowed me to lose this stubborn 12 (20) pounds that I have been holding on to. I struggle with “treat yourself” and “I’m the only one seeing me naked” or “Taco Tuesdays is everyday.” I know I can do better but right now, I’m not really motivated to do so. I prefer to eat my salad with fries on the side and run 2-3 miles a couple times a week. That’s better than nothing, right? I like the extra junk in the trunk, just not the junk on my arms, knees and middle section. Yep, I’m in denial. I’ll get it together. Really, I will. Must. Stop. Watching. Netflix.

4. Can I still drop it like its hot?

Yes. But my knees will pay for it in the morning. And I’m pretty sure my dog thinks its weird to do that in the kitchen with perm rods in my hair.

5. Thinking of a masterplan . . .

How can I write the book, spend time with the Lord, support her business, save the kids, work out more, serve in church, meet the guy, have fun with friends, visit the family more often, volunteer consistently, keep the hair on point, style on the side, do my nails, listen to the sermon, walk the dog, plan the next trip, attend the conference, catch-up on emails, read the book, cook dinner, wash the car and still watch Netflix? Beyonce and Oprah weren’t built in a day but I have the same 24 hours they do.

Hope you had a good laugh. Comment and let me know your random thoughts!

Woman, You Inspire Me

Carrie Lea

What do you do for a living? 

It’s a question that is asked often but when you truly think about it, it should be “how do you make a living?” or “what supports how you live?” How you live and what you do is reflective of your true life. A new generation of entrepreneurs, especially women, are doing life by living their passion and letting it drive their ultimate purpose. Its not limited to the confines of a corporate office but instead include blogging, vlogging, creating travel experiences or developing programs that empower other women. Side hustles are the new norm.

Social media is a major platform for those who are trying to carve out a different path. There are pages, posts and pictures targeting new audiences, new dreams and new adventures. Everyone is a self-proclaimed marketer taking pointers from personal branding coaches or image consultants. And, frankly- I’m here for it! No, this lifestyle is not reserved just to millennials. Instead, more and more women of all ages and backgrounds are finding out what they’re good at, speaking into it and living through it. I find myself inspired and encouraged to make my mark while supporting other women doing the same.

Gone are the days where its all about climbing the corporate ladder for that ideal title. Here to stay are the days where you ask, “what are you passionate about?” and “how do you plan on making that your ladder to climb?”

Gone are the days where you stay in the same job forever because it’s too late to try something new. Here to stay are the days when employers who look for more diversified resumes so they know you embrace change, explored your personal interests and can offer a unique point of view based on those experiences.

Gone are the days where you feel like you have to sacrifice romantic pursuits or building a family just to have that ideal career. Here to stay are the women who went ahead of us to set examples of what’s its like to build a fulfilling career without sacrificing anything. They manage a home, a unique familial situation, a job and often times more than one extracurricular activity. And they look good while doing it.

The days of old have turned into bright new beginnings of finding how you can use your gift to make an impact. Give your gift legs and walking into your future with new goals, new destinations and new dreams.

Hats off to those who are living their lives and defying cultural norms even though it wasn’t easy. It’s inspiring and encouraging even though no one may say it. Blood, sweat and tears prove that there is no perfect recipe for the definition of success. The one that looks perfect probably has eggshells in the batter and was overcooked on the first two tries.

Your recipe will be different from the next woman but make sure to keep your faith fresh, mix it with courage, continually sprinkle in prayer and add in bits and pieces of humble. Switch it up until you get it right.

Pull on your big girl panties, adjust your bra and go after what’s rightfully yours.

 

Dear Future Husband

Carrie Lea

Dear Future Husband,

Where are you?

And what’s taking you so long to find me? Haven’t you read that “he who finds a wife finds a good thing?”

There are a lot of good things waiting over here. (Believe it or not, you’ll come to love my direct communication and inability to beat-around-the-bush.)

Lately, you have crossed my mind quite a bit. A thought of you may fleetingly cross my mind when I see a couple holding hands or I intrude on a private moment between father and daughter. I’ve prayed for you and look forward to the day we meet.

I wonder if we have already met or crossed paths. Perhaps we have admired another from afar. Maybe I’ve noticed your impeccable style. Or, the way you wore your hat made me look twice. Perhaps it was your presence as you walked in the room. A humble confidence that turned the heads of those paying attention along with those who weren’t.

The young lady to your right gives you a once-over along with a smile to signal that she likes what she sees. The brother to your left gives you the nod of respect and continues his conversation. Another woman elbows her friend and stares at you even after you have walked past. You smile at the little boy in the stroller who has slobber running down his chin and gave you a two-toothed grin before his mom started fussing with him. Your stride is long but not hurried. Your t-shirt is rumpled as if you grabbed it from the laundry pile that is waiting to be folded. Yet, it still matches your basketball shorts and sneakers that you threw on after you got home from work.

You’re slightly embarrassed to be another person crowding the neighborhood Starbucks but justify it by saying that its so close to home. You order a tea because its late in the evening but you still have some work to get done. Maybe you’re working on closing an important deal or your team was assigned a new assignment that you are leading since the last one went so smoothly. You didn’t feel like sitting in the house now that the weather has warmed up. There is an electricity in the air because summer is here and people are out and about later than usual.

You contemplated going to the gym instead of working late but have plans to go to boxing class tomorrow. If you go too hard two days in a row, you won’t be any good for the weekend and will want to crawl around your house and sleep the pain away. You are also grabbing dinner with a friend so you will need this evening to get a jumpstart and prevent working through the weekend.

You scan the room to see if there are any open seats. Not the hard wooden chairs that left your back sore on your last visit but the soft worn-in cushions that have been broken-in by one bottom too many. The thought of cozying up on a seat outside of the house doesn’t gross you out the way it would me. You’re clean but not a germaphobe. Plus, with having a slob for a roommate for most of your young adult years, you have learned to let your guard down on trying to be Mr. Clean. You prefer a seat that is facing the door because you like to see people enter the room. Your father always taught you that a man doesn’t sit with his back to the door.

As you scan the room, you notice a woman bobbing her head to whatever is coming out of her earphones. She has big, curly hair that is a bit unruly yet somehow in place. She’s wearing black work out pants and bright orange Nikes that coordinate with her t-shirt that has “West Coast” written across the front. It is oversized and hangs off of her left shoulder, revealing a tattoo that you can’t quite make out what it says. Her big, silver hoops are so big they almost brush her collarbone. She is sitting at one of the tall tables with her MacBook open and tapping one of the keys repeatedly. She seems frustrated and has a grimace on her face as if something stinks. She turns over her phone to look at the screen but quickly turns it back over and pushes it into her pocket. She starts staring at the same two-toothed little boy that is now stuffing his foot into his mouth. Her grimace softens and the smile in her eyes almost reaches her mouth.

Something about her has captured your attention. Even as you make a beeline for the cushioned chair that just opened up and begin working, you find yourself stealing glances of her and noticing something new that you like each time. She has a slight addiction to chapstick because she has applied a new layer on her lips at least three times since you’ve seen her. She is enjoying the music she’s listening too because she is dancing through her shoulders while she continues to type. She smiles at people as they walk by or when she catches them staring.

You look towards her once more. My eyes are staring right back at you. I smile.

When Life Happens

Carrie Lea

Life happens.

I get it. I just don’t like it.

Weathering the Storm: A major rain storm caused a branch to break from one of the trees in my backyard. In falling, it broke several panels of my fence and landed predominantly in my neighbor’s backyard. I remember hearing a large noise the night before but couldn’t pinpoint where it came from. As I let my dog out the following morning, I saw a blur of a mess on the right hand side of my yard. I didn’t have my contacts in or my glasses on so I had no clue as to what really happened. I initially dismissed it as an issue that my neighbor would have to deal with and went back to bed. After further inspection (and coffee), I realized that it was my fault and I would be the one addressing the damage and under a deadline to get it completed since we both have dogs that roam our backyards. I didn’t know if home insurance was the route to take or how much it would cost to get this repaired.

In Need of a Charge: I had plans for a shopping/dinner excursion with a girlfriend who was in town just for the weekend. As I sat in my car, threw my cute shoes in the passenger seat (because I prefer to drive my stick shift in my flip flops) and inserted the key into my car, nothing happened. Ever since I could comfortably afford paying a car note, I have kept a newish car. So therefore, I have never gotten into a car in my adult years and had nothing happen when I turned it on. I tried multiple times as if one more attempt was going to change the outcome. My windows randomly went up and down without my prompting and my radio came on during the third or fourth attempt. My internal temperature jumped up which made the inside of my already warm car feel like an inferno. I opened the car door and muttered, “Lord, help me.” I sat there trying to think of what could be wrong but quickly called my Daddy since he does well with cars. He advised that it was probably the battery. After having the car for 4 years and it actually being seven years old, the battery is probably dead. He then instructed that I should call the dealership and have them come tow it. I called my dealership and the young lady who answered promptly told me that they were closing in fifteen minutes and instructed me to call roadside assistance for the tow.

As I was running late to go to church the next day, the same scenario ensued. I threw my cute shoes in my passenger seat, stuck my key in the ignition and nothing happened. My shoulders slumped and my underarms started to tingle. My plans for the day were interrupted . . . again. I received a jump from roadside assistance the night before and thought that would hold me over until Monday when the service department was open. I was invited to attend a party after church and was looking forward to yummy food and awesome company. Now, I wouldn’t be able to attend because the party was about an hour away and I had no other means of transportation.

Each time life happened, I found myself in a position of vulnerability because I didn’t know what to do. These situations were unfamiliar territory. As a newer homeowner, I didn’t know how to navigate the waters of repairing a fence shared by you and your neighbors.  I am far from a mechanic and therefore didn’t know that my car battery would go dead soon. I also only own one car and the friend that lives closest to me was out of town. I don’t know anyone that owns jumper cables and the only people I could have called were already at church (they’re normally on time and I am not). I was stranded and didn’t have a quick solve.

I told God, “this is why I need a husband!” Having someone here could have helped me figure out what to do about the fence or he would have another car that I could have used when the battery in mine died. I just needed help and didn’t want the pressure of doing it all on my own. I also wanted someone to understand my issue and offer a word of sympathy or quite frankly, just fix it without me having to do anything. I have gotten so use to sailing through life that I had the nerve to get an attitude when something didn’t go my way.

That’s when God shifted my perspective and reminded me that He was with me in every circumstance and provided all I need. He allowed me to see the positive in each situation:

  • The tree branch that fell, didn’t hurt anyone and didn’t damage anything in my neighbor’s backyard. It fell directly in front of their shed. I was able to call my father who offered reasonable suggestions. One of which was an actual solution.
  • Instead of going through some long, drawn-out claim submission with my home insurance agent, my gardener cut up the branch, repaired the fence and cleaned up the debris from the storm for less than $100.
  • My car went dead in my own driveway. I was not stranded in a public place or the freeway. I was at home and able to make the necessary calls to have someone out to address the issues in a short amount of time.
  • The car issues are covered under my extended warranty and staying home allowed me to get some work done around the house and be prepared for the upcoming week’s work.
  • If either one of these issues or something similar ever happened again, I know what to do or who to call.

God was with me in each scenario and allowed me to have everything rectified in a matter of hours. He continues to show that He is my source and I must rely on Him for everything, no matter who is in my life.

As long as I keep that perspective, life can happen all it wants.