Bloom Where You’re Planted

Carrie Lea

I went out on limb and pursued a new opportunity. I believe that you have to acknowledge God in all your ways so he can make straight and plain your path (Proverbs 3:5-6). So, before moving forward, I prayed about it and fasted so I could have clarity around a definite yes or no from God. I can’t say my yes was exactly definite. Let me explain.

I’ve noticed that when God wants me to make a decision about something, he gives me unrest. Not to be a creepy Christian but I believe God speaks to us in different ways, often unseen or inaudible. There have been many times when I’ve asked God to reveal his plan to me or show me what to do. I feel like he does it by putting me in a state of unrest and disrupting my peace.

For example, when I was looking for a dog, I went to the shelter to see what the options were. I heard that adult dogs from shelters make great companions. There was one in particular that I thought would be right for me. He was small, slightly shy but sweet and a bit scrappy. He warmed up to me and even had the approval of my friends who joined me on the search. I just knew he was the one.

However, I didn’t want to make a hasty decision because after all, this is something I would have to keep alive and live with until death do us part (I know, I know – it’s just a dog but still!). So, I went home and prayed about it. I told my family members and friends about my choice and they prayed with me. I researched the mix of his breed, doggie training classes and the type of food and toys to get for your new dog. But, the next few days, I was unsettled spiritually and physically. I couldn’t sleep and kept waking up several times throughout the night. It felt like there was a gentle nudge telling me that I was about to make a mistake. I was borderline in a bad mood and on the verge of tears for no real reason.

The night before I had to go back to the dog shelter to confirm my decision, I was looking online at other dog options. I came across this doberman/hound mix that was a medium-sized pup, good with being by herself and potty trained. I obsessed over her profile by reading her medical history repeatedly and sending pictures to my family and close friends to get their thoughts. I prayed that God would show me what to do but in the meantime, I filled out the adoption application and sent an inquiry email to the foster parent in an attempt to know more about her. That night, I slept so sound and peaceful and woke up with a sweet positivity in my spirit.

I could go on with additional examples but this same unrest attacked me again about this new opportunity. My sleep was interrupted with thoughts and dreams about what this new opportunity would do. I had ideas and excitement about the impact I could have on others and how I could help to make a larger difference. I tossed and turned each night until I made up in my mind that this was the right thing to do.

I followed all the necessary steps and had some amazing conversations that made me think this was definitely a go. I was feeling confident and strong about the new doors that would open and daydreaming about the new possibilities. I was hesitant to get too excited but it was as if I could see the favor sitting on my shoulders. I continued to pray that God’s will would be done.

Needless to say, I was surprised and disappointed when I learned that the opportunity was no longer an option for me.

I knew that God had answered my prayer about his will over my own but I did wonder “well, why did you have me go through all of that if it wasn’t for me?” I think its okay to come to God honest, open and raw. But as soon as those words formed in my head, “God is working on your behalf,” also popped into my mind.

I believe that pursuing this new opportunity through to the end put some other things in motion. God, as always, is working behind the scenes and it’s not my job to know what he’s doing or how. My job is to trust him, thank him for allowing me to try something new and put my faith in his ultimate plan.

Until God reveals what the next step is, I am going to stay positive and stay the course. Faith is often the unseen and the inaudible. When I shared my experience with a trusted advisor, I was given great advice about how to handle my current state: “bloom where you are planted.” And that is exactly what I plan to do.

Dodging Bullets

Carrie Lea

I woke up this morning to a text from my bestie with a picture of one of my exes and the caption “someone really dodged a bullet on this one, didn’t they?” I couldn’t help but laugh. You would have to know the ruthlessly honest candor that is my best friend’s personality to truly appreciate the text (and also have seen the picture). Everyone has a petty side where they see someone from their past but do a forehead wipe with an accompanied “whew!” giving thanks that you didn’t head down that path. That was the reaction I had this morning.

As I got up to get my day started, I gave it some more thought and the scripture “all things work together for good to them that love God and are called to his purpose,” (Romans 8:28) popped in my head and I couldn’t shake it. It just kept looping through my mind on repeat.

Years ago, that particular ex actually stopped talking to me once I confirmed that the way we used to get down was a thing of the past. There would be no horizontal hokey-pokey taking place on the last night we saw each other. He was actually quite blunt about ending the night and our conversation once he found out that information. Didn’t so much as want to give me a hug once he realized that I was for real about leading a new life of celibacy. It was laughable situation then and remains one now. However, years prior to that, I would have been hurt due to the blatant rejection. Now, I feel empowered knowing that I honored God and my body.

It’s so easy for me to say that I dodged a bullet but ultimately, God did one of those matrix-like tricks where the bullet gets shot but it stops right in front of me and drops to the ground, unable to harm or touch me. I ultimately had nothing to do with it. All I did was seek God and his will for my life. From there he began to twist and turn the events of my past- the sins, regrets and mistakes, and make them work out for my good. I believe that he sent angels to stand guard so that the bullets that are shot are blocked by the prayers from my parents and loved ones. We battle against more than flesh and blood people (Ephesians 6:12).

I don’t want to paint the picture that my ex was a complete jerk. That was a jerk move, yes, but based on our previous situation, he had certain expectations. I understand. Him walking away from me and us never talking again was a properly dodged bullet that was orchestrated by God almighty. I could go on and on about why this man and I were never meant to be but there is no need. I wish him all the best . . . from afar.

I believe that God has had His hand in every area of my life- love life included. He knows what’s best for me and knows how to make things work to my good. Even when I’m disobedient, stubborn or impatient, he knows how to steer the bullet so that it misses me. Sometimes, because of my personal actions, it may graze my leg or the heat of the speed may burn me and it may even hurt for a little while. Thankfully, the pain is never permanent. He’s there waiting and willing to heal my wounds, take away the pain and show me a new, fresh path.

I’m grateful for the dodged bullets, but I’m even more grateful for The One who protects me from them.

Don’t Believe the Hype

Carrie Lea 1 Comment

I haven’t had a real date in two years. And by real date I mean, an interested guy asks me to go to a specific location, perhaps a meal or activity of some sort, so we can talk and enjoy one another’s company with the intention of getting to know one another on a more personal level. (Some of you are literally asking yourself- does that even happen anymore?) Now, I have had a my fair share of meet-that-day and end up hanging out later but mostly because we’re in the same vicinity or with mutual friends. I’m not knocking that experience but even those have been few and far between.

Whenever I tell someone about my two year dating hiatus, they automatically assume that its by choice. I guess, to some extent, it is. I am not a random dater. I don’t believe in dating just to have something to do. I’m a busy woman and I almost always have something to do. However, when it comes to spending one-on-one time with someone, I reserve that for a person I have a genuine interest in getting to know and not just out of boredom.

This wasn’t always the case, especially around Valentine’s Day. I used to have a fallback or back-up dude that I could hang with or rely on in times of boredom/loneliness or an unexpected dating dry spell (sidenote: loneliness/boredom often get confused. You may not be lonely. Instead, you may just need to do something with your idle time so you’re not bored). I would either receive the “hey stranger” text, which is always a clear indicator that its cuffing season or that he was having as much inconsistency in the dating world as I was, or I would get the random phone call because he had a dream about me or I just conveniently crossed his mind two weeks before Valentine’s Day. I’ve never been one to turn down a delicious meal, especially when I can get cute and wear that new dress or pair of shoes that I bought just for these type of occasions, so I was always down for the cause.

After while, I found myself feeling empty. It was all so fleeting. I even felt convicted about using these men for my intermittent entertainment. I prayed that anybody who is not meant to be my future husband or anyone that could possibly deter me from God’s will would be removed from my life or prevented from entering. Be careful what you pray for! From that moment on, it seemed like every man who I even thought was cute would disappear from the face of the earth before I even knew his name. If a guy did show interest, I would pray about it that night and lo’ and behold, I would never see him again. They left the church, got new jobs, moved to another city or changed their commute . . . at least that the way it appeared to me. I was discouraged. My desire to connect with someone real seemed farther and farther away. I had given my love story over to God years ago and here I was trying to write it myself because it didn’t seem like He was putting words on the relationship page of my story fast enough. I found myself wanting to go on these so-called dates to get through the commercialized lover’s holiday that somehow managed to make you think that just because you don’t have a date for this particular night, you’re not loved.

Don’t believe the hype.

Over the past two years, I have been intentional when spending time with people. God has infused my life with rich friendships, strengthened familial bonds and instilled me with new dreams and inspirations. I am never alone unless I choose to be. I purposely schedule alone time to do a little bit of nothing. I might do my nails, go to the spa, go enjoy a nice dinner or bake a sweet treat for my co-workers. I always have someone to call if I need an encouraging word or good laugh. I have real, loving friends near and far who I can travel with, have deep conversations or just say something inappropriate or borderline ignorant and not get the side eye in response (well, they might give me the side eye but not in a judgmental way).

I finally understand what Paul spoke about in Philippians 4:11-13. I know how to truly be content in whatever stage God has me in. I know that my joy does not lie within the celebration of a holiday but instead in God’s mighty power. He has given me true joy that stems from the depth of my soul and I see it all around me. I am not consumed with the here and now but know that He is intentional and has an amazing plan for every year of my life.

If you’re are feeling some type of way (do people say that anymore?) about your relationship status or where God has you at this stage in your life. Be encouraged. He who promised is faithful.

Put Yourself Out There

Carrie Lea 2 Comments

I hate that phrase. I actually want to smack people (in particularly married people) when they say this in response to my lack of dating activity. However, smacking them would appear as if I’m bitter or jealous. Quite opposite, but I’ll get to that in a second.

When I’m told to “put yourself out there,” my first response is, “what does that mean?” Is there an assumption that I’m sitting at home twiddling my thumbs or waiting for Mr. Right to knock on my front door? I believe God is able to do exceedingly and abundantly above what I ask or think, but I also know that I can’t sit within my four walls all day and still expect the future hubby to find me.

I’m always confused at exactly where “there” is. Married people, especially those who were married earlier in life have no idea what it’s like being single over the age of 30 or what it means to be out and available. They think there is some magic thing to do to all of a sudden be discovered and find this magical mate that you have been waiting to meet. You don’t walk around with a sign that says, “single, sexy, I’m available.”

After I get a blank stare, I’m then asked if I have tried online dating. *insert eye roll here*

Of course I have tried online dating. There is an app for every type of online interaction where you stalk on social media and see who your mutual friends are, you swipe some way or another to show interest or you just walk within a few miles of the person and see if you paths cross digitally. Believe it or not, it doesn’t work for everybody. I know several couples who have had success with online dating. I also know thousands of horror stories, mine included.

I signed up for e-Harmony and did a 3 month stint. I truly only lasted about thirty days because the pool in which I was able to choose from was laughable. My number one priority on my profile was he has to love the Lord. I know some people are willing to compromise or find a loop hole with that, but I’m not. Call me old-fashioned or closed-minded but I know what is important to me and faith in Jesus Christ is at the top of my list. I would go into more detail as to why but I’ll never finish the story.

My first online dating match was with a gentleman who reached out and complimented my profile picture. I appreciate when a man can make the first move because I believe that takes confidence and courage. We messaged each other and finally decided to meet in person. I wasn’t exactly blown away by his profile photos but I was trying not to judge a book by it’s cover. Personality and presence can make a world of a difference when meeting someone. Plus, I was trying something new and keeping an open mind.

We met at Starbucks where he pulled out a large wad of cash to pay for my $4 Chai tea latte. He then proceeded to tell me everything that is wrong with Bay Area women, how I’m the youngest woman he has ever showed interest in, how I meet his beauty expectations which is exceptionally good for me since he has high standards and how he really thinks I should be glad that we met. Ahem. He talked about being raised by beautiful sisters and how he is raising his teenage niece while living in his one bedroom apartment. He then went on to say that he is Christian but what does that really mean and he is open to all beliefs and thinks that the world would be a better place if everyone just chilled out a bit. The whole time he talked, I kept looking at his cheeks because it looked like someone had made bite marks all over them or he had a bad case of razor bumps. He smelled of patchouli and wore this shell necklace so tight around his neck that it looked like a choker. He talked for at least an hour while I sat in silence, stunned that this was my life and I was never going to get these minutes back. He stood and said, “well, should we see each other again?” I mumbled some random response about probably not, thanked him for the tea and offered a side one-armed hug. He offered to walk me to my car but I declined and turned on my heels and immediately speed walked back to my car.

Online date #2 was with a gentleman of Russian-decent. In my hopes that I wouldn’t repeat date #1, I tried something new. He gave great answers to all the questions I sent and was very polite and engaging in our messages. Again, his profile did not move me but that’s no biggie. He may not be very photogenic. We met at an italian restaurant where he sat and stared at me with a grimace while watching me eat. I wasn’t sure if he was angry about something, had gas or if I was disgusting him with how I ate my pasta. I think he attempted a smile when I asked if he was enjoying his meal but I’m not sure. He stared. A lot. I kept wiping my face just in case he was staring at some food sticking to my cheek. I even excused myself and went to the bathroom to see if I had food in my teeth because his glare was a bit unnerving. He was not a man of many words and when he did answer, it was clipped and short with a strong accent. I inhaled my pasta (which probably didn’t help the staring) and informed him that I needed to turn in early.

“I’ll walk you to the train station,” he said.

“No thanks. I’ll be fine.”

“Why you  not want to walk me with?”

“Um,” because you’re freaking me out and I’ve had enough of your staring and want to get home, put on sweats and cry,”I walk this way all the time. It’s plenty of people out so I’ll be fine.” We parted ways and later that night, I received a “hope you got home okay” text. I said yes and deleted the entire conversation.

From then on, I was matched with men who looked like they could be my father or had zero attraction level on my end. One gentleman reached out but because I wasn’t available that night, he cut off communication. I even tried to be bold and reach out to a guy first (which I don’t believe it is my role to do) and had a smack to my ego when I didn’t get a response.

I don’t just sit at home. I am active at the gym, hiking groups, grabbing dinner with girlfriends or even by myself. I attend parties, am involved in a book club, I travel and venture to new places on my own. I am putting myself out there, wherever “there” may be.

What most fail to realize is that it’s not about the “there.” I am waiting on God’s best for me. I can’t explain why it has taken longer than I prefer, but I can say that I trust Him. He has never failed me in any area of my life. I have an amazing job, amazing friends (old and new), extremely supportive family members, hobbies, interests, dreams and goals. I am enjoying this season of my life and the bumps and bruises that may come along the way.

Hebrews 11:1 says “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” I am keeping the faith and praying for those of you who are doing the same.